<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Light of a 1000 Stars by PhoebeMiller</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25690696">The Light of a 1000 Stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoebeMiller/pseuds/PhoebeMiller'>PhoebeMiller</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hawaii Five-0 (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anger, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Fix-It: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye), Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye), Family, FinaleFixit, Fluff, Happy Ending, Heartbreaking, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pissedoff, episodetag, s10e22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:02:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>48,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25690696</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoebeMiller/pseuds/PhoebeMiller</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens after Steve leaves Oahu.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Junior Reigns &amp; Tani Rey, Steve McGarrett &amp; Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>372</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>And so it begins. This is my Finale Fixit. I’ve been working on it since April. At times, I didn’t think I’d share the story. It was more a purging for myself. An angry one. Had to say, I knew this end was coming. Even the cliché Catherine line that I will not repeat because it makes me want to vomit. Honestly, if Danny hadn’t been left on the beach alone like he was, I wouldn’t have cared about Catherine’s appearance…as much. Most of the finale was fantastic. It was fan fiction material. Then, as with the S6 finale, Lenkov stuck his finger in the eye of every McDanno fan in the last few minutes of the episode. What a kick in the face. So this story was born. It’s rough and raw. Depressing and funny. Heartbreaking in spots, I’m told. Don’t worry, it’s also got a happy ending. Mostly. Guys like Steve and Danny don’t often get the fairytale. But I hope it comes close.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve pulled away from Catherine about ten minutes into the flight, letting go of her hand and straightening in his seat. A strange twinge tightened his chest. He smiled and ran his hand through his hair. She smiled back and then continued reading the inflight magazine, joking here and there about the items for sale.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“These things are always the same. Expensive tchotchkes. Who buys this stuff?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She flipped the page, and he noticed her manicured fingernails. Then her makeup and teased hair. She’d prepped for this meeting. It wasn’t an accident she was on this plane, sitting next to him. <em>Who had told her?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cole.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve couldn’t be angry. The man didn’t know any better. And Steve had waxed poetic about Catherine being the one who got away. <em>Didn’t mean she shouldn’t stay that way.</em> His body betrayed his common sense too many times to count when it came to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny bought me a fancy BBQ thermometer once.” Steve tapped her magazine. “From one of these.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He would.” She rolled her eyes and giggled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve didn’t quite hear her through his musing. “It was even named Maverick. That really made me laugh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Meeting his eyes over the top of the page, she replied. “Like your call sign in that silly airplane race?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Silly?” Steve frowned. “You knew about that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure.” Catherine shrugged. Like it was no big deal she’d been keeping tabs on him from afar. Just like someone else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He screwed his whole face up in a mix of surprise and something darker. A quick breath wasn’t deep enough to chase away a shadow on his heart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> <em>I just wish she’d realized all she had to do was get on an airplane and come home. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve stumbled with his next words. “But I didn’t – you never – “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She grabbed his hand and squeezed, stopping his sentence. “It’s sweet. Danny has always been good with gifts.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew she meant no harm but something stuck with him. A slight strain of resentment stained her mention of Danny. Just like his mother. He glanced at his phone sticking out of his bag. He hadn’t answered Danny’s text.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’ll be alright, you know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” The word came out a little rough around the edges. Steve cleared his throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny. He’ll be alright. He’s got the team. I bet no one leaves him alone for the next week. Maybe longer if he mopes around.” She chuckled and flipped the magazine page.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>They better not leave him alone. Steve thought.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d made it clear to Lou that someone needed to keep an eye on Danny for as long as it took. Make sure he went to his PT and doctor appointments. Since he wasn’t there to do it. Steve wanted regular reports. He cursed himself for leaving, yet if he hadn’t, he’d never know what had caused his pain. The islands and their damn memories or his terrible tendency to leave pain and destruction in his wake. He glanced at his phone again and a vision of Danny, bloody and hanging from those chains, flashed through his mind. He couldn’t let that happen again. Distance felt like the only remedy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a twitch, he checked his watch. Steve tensed his jaw and forced himself to relax. He’d call Lou as soon as the flight landed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine sensed his discomfort. She grabbed his hand again and held on. This time, he accepted the gesture, allowing the familiarity to ground him. For better or worse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We going to your place tonight?” Junior whispered, nibbling her earlobe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani frowned, wrinkling her nose, as she turned in his embrace. She punched his bicep. “Seriously? Are you that dense?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ow, why’d you hit me?” He rubbed his arm and scowled at her for a second before he asked in confusion. “What?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny.” She pushed away and glared at him like he’d lost his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior squinted at her. “He said he’s fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You are an idiot.” Tani rolled her eyes and shook her head, backing a step away to look him up and down, hands on her hips. “I am in love with an idiot. How did that happen?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her face melted from annoyed back to sad, and she resumed her vigil.  Junior glanced toward the backyard. Danny hadn’t moved for more than an hour. The sun hung low in the sky, and the water was calm. Even nature held its breath as it waited for Junior to get it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed after a minute, letting it sink in. “Oh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea. Oh.” Tani hit him again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou crept up beside them. “I got first watch if you two wanna scoot.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Lou but I’m staying.” Tani started for the back door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou stopped her. “Give him a minute.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which sounded ridiculous because none of them had approached Danny except for Eddie since Steve left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He gonna be okay?” Junior looked suddenly lost, unsure. His voice cracked. Tani grabbed him and pulled him closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou sighed. “Eventually.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani nodded with an unsteady breath, on the edge of tears. Junior shoved his hands into his pockets rather than return her embrace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Quinn joined them, bounce in her step. “Cole and I are going to Rick’s. Wanna share a ride?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah thanks but I’ll pass. I’ve got plans.” Lou smiled, voice mellow and fatherly. “You go ahead. This old man can’t stay up too late anymore. Beauty sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea me too.” Tani smiled. “Raincheck?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure.” Quinn was confused, an unasked question on her lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m good, but thanks for the invite.” Junior shrugged. He went where Tani did these days.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok suit yourselves. Should I ask Danny?” Then it dawned on her. Quinn groaned softly. “Ugh. I didn’t even- wow, I’m awful. I can stay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. You go.” Lou told her and added a quick wiggle of his eyebrows. “I know why you like that bar so much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Quinn tried to play dumb, cheeks bright with a flash of embarrassment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani laughed. “We get it. You just <em>love</em> the karaoke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I do not <em>love</em>… the karaoke.” Her attempted defense was rather lame. “I <em>love</em> the atmosphere.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously?” Tani shook her head. “You’re standing in front of a bunch of cops, dude.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok, I admit it’s growing on me. But it’s too soon to call it love.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go on, get outta here. Have fun. We’ll join you another time. We’re gonna need the distraction. Just not tonight.” Lou clapped her on the back and Quinn left, half stumbling away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior frowned. “What did I just miss?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another eyeroll from Tani. “Like I said. You are so dense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. You’re just –“ Junior huffed in frustration.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou shook his head and chortled. “Must be a SEAL thing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I decided you needed more today, dear reader. I hope you enjoy this extra post.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Knowing something is the right thing doesn’t make it easy.” Lou told Tani. His voice was soft, tone tender. Like a father to a daughter.  “Steve has some thinking to do. And he can’t do it here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Too many ghosts. I get that part.” Tani frowned, arms crossed, feet planted. Eyes sticking Lou with a pin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So what then?” Lou was ready for a tense conversation. They all had some feelings to get out, and he knew stubborn. His daughter could be worse than a mule. He knew he could get through to Tani, but he had to approach this sideways, let her lead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He could have waited.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then he might never pull the trigger.” Lou shifted his stance. “Bad choice of words. If Steve had waited to leave, nothing would change.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why do things have to change?” She wrinkled her nose. “I like things the way they are…were...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You do this job for too long, and it gets to you. I hope you never have it this bad. But being a cop, it eats at you. Nonstop.” Lou sighed and put his arm around her. “Come on. I need your help with Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded and dabbed her eyes. “It’s tough seeing him like this. After everything –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both looked toward the water. A lone figure stood on the sand, leaning heavily on a cane, backlit by the house lights.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re gonna be strong for him. Help him through this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about us? I can’t –“  Tani turned into Lou and sobbed against him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou knew he was the father figure of the team. Time’s like this, he was glad he had the experience to back him up. “Hey now. It’s okay. Let it out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a minute or two, she straightened and wiped her face, eyes still filled with rain clouds. “I’m ok now. Thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good because he’s gonna need us.” Lou motioned toward Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her face hardened a little, and she set her jaw. “Well, I’m done watching him mope.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait.” Lou stopped her. “Let me go first. You need a minute.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But you just said both of us.” Tani frowned and looked like she wanted to ignore Lou and storm the beach. Then she closed her eyes and shook her head. “Fine, you’re right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hands in his pockets, Lou stood beside Danny in the quickly fading light. “He’s running Danny. Right or wrong, that’s what this is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doesn’t make it any easier when you’re the one he’s running from, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not like that and you know it.” Lou frowned, a bit stung by Danny’s sharp tone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny realized he needed to pull back his barbs, but he didn’t relax. “I know he needed to go, alright. I get it. I do. It hurts but I understand.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bullshit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Glaring at Lou, Danny held his ground for a minute, but then his expression shifted to a softness that broke Lou’s heart. He could count on his hand all the times he’d seen Danny cry, and they were all related to Steve or his kids. Lou wanted to wrap him in a bear hug and make this all go away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on inside now. It’s getting late.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine. Really.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll ignore that obvious lie.” Lou shoved his hands into his pockets again and looked toward the house. “You can’t sit out here all night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew darn well that there’d been too many standoffs at these chairs. Mostly involving Steve. Lou wanted to toss them into the fire pit but he knew the stubborn men would come out here anyway. Something drew them to this spot. The endless ocean. The calming, distracting waves. It was hypnotizing and soothing depending on your mood. Right then, it drove Lou nuts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou. Please just…” Danny’s voice trailed off and he stared out at the water. He closed his eyes and sighed. All his fight gone as the tide swiftly pulled away the last of his energy. “I need a minute.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok. Alright. But I’ll be back.” Lou put his hand on Danny’s shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. Don’t ever forget that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A quick nod was all Danny could manage. If he looked Lou in the eyes, he’d lose it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou mumbled his reply. “Alright then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny sat in the chair and just listened to the ever-present breeze and water, background music he was used to now. The occasional bird call drifted his way, as they sang to the setting sun. Most important, he heard Lou walk away, footsteps soft. The back door slapped shut. They must all be in the house. Watching him no doubt. He felt like a bug.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everything seemed to be in motion but him. He was pinned there. He felt like he was holding them back. Surely, they had places to go tonight. Things to do. He’d already consumed too much of their lives over the last week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny heard the door again and waited, not sure who was padding his direction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam approached slowly. Danny turned and smiled. Adam was a good choice. He didn’t push. He was a calm and steady presence in the group. Unless he was lurking around playing undercover with the Yakuza. Danny pushed aside his misgivings and past grievances for the man. He understood how tough it could be to navigate two worlds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou sent me.” The statement sounded like an apology.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sit.” Danny tapped the chair beside him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam looked at empty space, his face neither happy or sad. “No, I can’t do that. You know why I’m here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny doubted anyone would ever sit in that chair again. Not until Steve returned from wandering the Earth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine. I can manage. Thank you.” Danny rattled off his word shield. He was in no mood to be coddled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam held his hands shoulder high. His smile was warm. “No problem, Danny. Let me know if I can help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will. Okay?” Danny relaxed and sighed. He appreciated Adam’s easy-going nature right then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” Adam gave him nod. “Whatever you need.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stared at one another. Neither man moving or giving up ground. Danny knew he needed to go about the motions. Appear normal even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. He hoped it would help though, so he resolved to make an effort, if only to distract himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m gonna take a shower.” Danny stopped as he pushed himself up from the chair, taking a breath. “And no, I don’t need assistance bathing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Laughing Adam turned and headed for the house. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be the first to volunteer for that duty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not attractive?” Now Danny laughed too, as he followed, using his cane best he could on the uneven ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam waved away Danny’s dig at himself. “It’s not that. You’re just not my type.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m everybody’s type, babe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny chuckled, but the good feeling faded as Adam disappeared through the door. Fake it til you make it took more work than people realized.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks, as always, for reading. Stay safe.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>“Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was surprised by the voice behind him. He turned and gave Junior half a smile. Movement of any kind was slow and painful. The day was winding down and Danny felt every minute of his life. And his brain throbbed from the crying jag he now regretted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey Junior. Want a cup?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh, no, thank you. I – uh – wanted to tell you. You can have my bed. I mean, I know you’ve been sleeping there but you can have it. For good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I don’t want to impose.” Danny wanted to tease Junior about how much time he was spending with Tani lately, but he didn’t. “I’ll take Steve’s room. He doesn’t need it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior raised his eyebrows. “Steve’s room?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why not? He’s not using it. We don’t know when he’ll be back.” <em>If ever, Danny muttered in his head.</em> “I can’t make you ride the couch with Eddie the space hog.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He can sleep at my place.” Tani wrapped herself around Junior and kissed his neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny didn’t bother to roll his eyes. His head hurt too much. What troubled him most was that he hadn’t heard Tani enter the room. He really needed to sleep. He could not go back to Five-0 if his senses were this dull. Anyone could sneak up on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She added. “After tonight anyway.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s tonight?” Danny opened the fridge. He frowned when there was no milk. No way was he adding a slab of butter. He settled for black coffee. He figured he needed the jolt anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re staying here tonight.” Junior shrugged Tani off and grabbed a mug. Yellow with loud purple flowers. No doubt it came from Tani. She wrinkled her nose with a cute little grin that made Danny’s chest hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Narrowing his eyes, Danny studied both of them. “You’re staying here. On purpose. Are you babysitting?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you think?” Lou walked into the room, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Mmm, I thought I smelled coffee. Pour me a cup?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny flashed a smile, happy to be a help rather than a sad sack pain in the ass. “Sure, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew they were watching his every move. Even if they were keeping their mouths shut, for the moment, concern stretched their faces, and their smiles didn’t reach their eyes. A definite tell. They knew he didn’t want any help, and they obliged him for now. He was thankful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was too soon for a nervous breakdown. His best friend had only been gone a few hours. Steve had delivered some shit speech about finishing his father’s case, and he’d vanished.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Last time Danny checked his phone, Steve still hadn’t bothered to reply. This darkness lingered like a black pebble in Danny’s chest, growing larger if he let his thoughts get hung up there. Anger was more soothing than sadness, or so the lie went.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny downed his coffee quickly, grabbed his duffel with toiletries and clothes, and headed for the stairs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sweat beaded on his forehead and slid down his face, slipping into his ear and down his neck. He dabbed at the itch it caused, wobbling on his cane. The trip from the kitchen and up the steps was less exhausting than the trail of well wishes scattered in his path. The strong coffee hadn’t helped a bit though.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had taken him almost 5 minutes too long to climb the stairs. With Lou standing watch just out of view. He’d asked Danny three times if he needed help. And called him a stubborn ass after each negative response. Maybe he should have given in. It would have taken so much less time. Less aggravation. But he had to do this for himself. There wouldn’t be someone around all the time, and he really didn’t feel that bad. He just couldn’t move quickly. One step, then two, keep moving forward. Simple. Except his bag weighed a ton and when it clapped against him with every movement, it threatened to send him tumbling down the steps.<em> How did he become such a weakling?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d made the decision to sleep in Steve’s bed because he didn’t want to push Junior onto the couch and maybe because he wanted to thumb his nose at Steve. If he was gonna wander the world, Danny was going to claim his room. It made perfect sense. Until he was met with his decision.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny stared at Steve’s bed. A shrine he wanted to desecrate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet all he could do was stand there frozen, face pinching with a torrent of soon-to-be shed tears. He took a deep breath and when he exhaled, a wave washed over him, and he fell onto the expertly tucked comforter. New territory. He’d never touched Steve’s bed. He’d been in this room a million times, helping Steve. Watching over him. But this line hadn’t been crossed. Grabbing a pillow, he burrowed into the softness. He was so tired. Totally spent from the big goodbye. And when he inhaled the reminder of his best friend, he sobbed into the fabric. The hiccups turned into a scream. This Steve-scented pillow was all he had left. And it too would fade like the sound of Steve’s voice in his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a few minutes, Danny realized he was all cried out. He pushed up with a pitiful groan and sat on the edge of the bed, pondering his next move. He still hadn’t showered. He was tired but wide awake thanks to the coffee. He considered taking a bath and then nixed the idea since he wasn’t sure he could do it without help. A shower was simple. Strip, turn on the water and step in. He didn’t need to cover his wounds any longer, so no special care was needed, except maybe some TLC. His whole body was still one tender mess of healing cuts, bruises and bullet holes. Plus the damn rashes from various places he’d had medical tape.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite his assertion of independence, there was an ache he couldn’t communicate. Danny felt so alone. Even with a house full of people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If he really wanted assistance, all he had to do was send off a text and four wonderful souls would appear in the doorway. Or whichever one of them pulled the shortest straw. He didn’t want their kindness. With every look and sideways glance, he could feel the weight of their sympathy and the sadness they, too, carried. They’d all been through a lot, and he couldn’t help but feel responsible.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Laughter erupted from downstairs, and Danny strained to listen. Lou was headed home. That left Tani, Junior and Adam. And Eddie. He couldn’t forget that goofy dog who was already a bigger wreck than Danny. He seemed to know his master was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sighing, Danny stared at the bathroom door. He wondered what minefields he’d find in there. Steve was always very buttoned up, so it was sure to be clean. It was the little things. A toothbrush, shampoo. Everything would remind him of his best friend. He felt like he’d just been through a breakup. Rolling his eyes at himself, he limped to the bath. He knew he was ripe because he could smell himself. Stress and sadness were not a good combination.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The flight had been long, as all flights seemed to be since that fateful undercover mission. Especially if he wasn’t in the cockpit. Steve was thankful to have that leg of the trip out of the way. There would be no more airplanes for him for a while. He wanted to hit the open road. Windows down, radio blasting. No plan, no agenda. No mission to complete.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve thought about seeing Mary, but a sudden bitterness pierced his heart. His sister had her life together. Better than he did. <em>How’d that happen?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>And if he saw Joanie, he’d think of Charlie, and he didn’t know if he could stand it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He considered checking in with Chin, Abby and Sarah, too, but their domestic bliss was too much for him. He didn’t know where Kono was and didn’t want to jeopardize her work just to say hello. He’d send word through their network of shared acquaintances to let her know he was on the mainland. They’d meet up if the moment arose. For now, it felt like too much of a burden to see anyone. His search for peace didn’t need the distractions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve glanced at Catherine stretched across the Queen-sized bed. The only bed in the room. If she wasn’t a distraction, what was she? A roadblock? A cliff he was about to jump off? A mistake? She was a trip down memory lane that would make him feel better now. Because being away from home hurt worse than any bullet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He dug into his kit bag and found a condom. Danny had tucked them there as a joke. <em>Or did he know Steve all too well?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, I went there. Steve is hurting. Sometimes we reach for the most familiar thing…whether it’s good for us or not.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting so far. This is a tough story. Lots of emotion.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>A wave crashed into the shore, sending up spray. The ocean was too close. He squinted in the darkness, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. Steve was beside him as if he’d never left, but he did leave. Danny knew he had to be dreaming.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why are you here, Steven?” He was gruff and he didn’t care. Danny couldn’t let his longing steer this moment. He’d never get any answers. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why am I here?” Steve laughed. “I’m here for you, Danno. Always.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hands in his hair, Danny dug his fingernails into his scalp. Something didn’t feel right, and he felt a strange urgency. He needed to get something off his chest before Steve disappeared.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I never thought I’d get to have you forever.” Danny choked on the words, as they flowed out in a rush like he had to say them before he lost his chance.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You do have me.” Steve was so calm and easy going. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that big, dumb head.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Danny didn’t think this was funny. “I thought you’d die. Not leave Hawaii.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hey. You okay, buddy?” Steve set his beer on the sand beside his chair. “You’ve been on your feet too much.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m fine.” Tears in Danny’s eyes reflected lights from the house. “You’re not supposed to be here.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t apologize.” Danny was tired of this conversation. The softness in Steve’s voice offended him. “This is something you need to do. I get it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m not leaving you.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Danny giggled. “That’s exactly what you did.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We’ll I’m leaving. But-“ Steve touched Danny’s face. “I’ll call. I’ll-“</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Feeling warm all over, Danny sat up straighter. He noticed he felt no pain. He cut Steve off. “What have I always said about promises, babe?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Good cops don’t make them.” Steve was out of his chair. He knocked over his beer but didn’t notice. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Danny watched the sand soak up the amber liquid. He knew what words came next. He’d been here before. “No promises except to say –“</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Kneeling in front of Danny, Steve took his hand. “I’ll do my best.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Danny woke with a jerk, sending pain down his left arm and across his chest. If he hadn’t just been shot and beaten, he’d worry he was having a heart attack. Maybe this was worse. His best friend was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And all he had was this comfy bed and house. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the remains of Steve. He really needed to change these sheets. He couldn’t keep screaming into the pillow to avert a catastrophic crying fit. Those spasms were no good for his injuries. Plus, he really hated the inevitable headaches.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dream clung to him, though, even as he stretched and propped himself up with a stack of pillows. He tossed one across the room, cursing its achingly familiar smell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good morning.” Adam laughed and Danny thought he was having a stroke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jeez. Don’t do that.” Danny sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I figured you were awake when the pillow went flying.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Were you camped out in the hall?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Something like that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam had a way of calming any situation. Danny relaxed, but kept up some of his attitude just for show.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously? You sat in the hall all night?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a shrug, Adam answered. “Just following orders.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou or Tani?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam shoved his hands into his pockets and didn’t answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I see.” Danny narrowed his eyes, chewing on his bottom lip for a second before shaking his head. “So, you’re not a tattle tale.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His whole face erupted in a smile, and Adam said. “You got that right. I’m not facing that wrath.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So…Tani.” Danny chuckled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam replied. “Good guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, you don’t wanna cross her. I’ve learned.” Danny hugged a pillow to his chest, clearly running out of steam.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stared at one another until Adam cleared his throat. “Can I get you anything?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, thanks. Maybe some privacy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure thing.” Adam backed into the hall. “I’m gonna take Eddie for a walk. Then my shift is over.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shift?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam didn’t bother replying. He chuckled and left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know who’s worse. Danny or Eddie.” Tani shook her head as she refilled a water bowl. “The way they’re both moping around.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey.” Junior squeezed her shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She shrugged out of his reach, dagger eyes daring him to touch her. “Sure it is. Since when does Eddie not wanna go for a walk?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve just left yesterday.” Junior dried the dishes. “Give it time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wish I was all tough and stoic. I agree with Danny”.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You agree with Danny about what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“SEALs.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior wrinkled his nose, caught off guard. “SEALs what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop repeating what I say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani stormed out of the house. Junior moved to follow but was stopped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wouldn’t do that if I were you, man.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam made a wall between Junior and the door. He set Eddie’s leash on the counter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Didn’t know you were still here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just about to leave. Eddie dragged his feet except for when he saw Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam didn’t move out of the way, making for an awkward moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I need to-” Junior motioned toward the backyard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I give you some advice?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior waited. He was too tired to argue, but also too grouchy not to glare just a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Give her some space.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior frowned. “I’ve been giving everyone space.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I get it. It’s tough.” Adam sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. “I’m sorry if I’m outta line. I need to sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s all good, man. You okay to drive home?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, I’m fine. Just need coffee.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tani made some.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Again?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior sighed. “She’s running on caffeine fumes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both turned in the direction of the lanai. Tani laughed too loudly as she tried to get Eddie to chase his favorite ball. It bounced off the dog’s head, and he didn’t go after it. Danny looked on from the bench, mug in his hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tani – she’s –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Takes time, man.” Adam clapped Junior on the back. “You’ve got this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seems to be a running theme.” Junior took a deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The front door jiggled before swinging open wide and Lou marched through. “I’ve got malasadas. I hope someone made coffee.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tani.” Junior and Adam said in unison.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou wrinkled his nose in the most amused smile and shook his head. “Gonna be a great day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adam looked around Lou like he was expecting someone else. “I thought you were with Quinn?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She and Cole are holding down the fort at headquarters.” Lou shoved his way past Adam and Junior and set his spoils on the counter. “They’ll call if anything pops up. Dig in before these get cold.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Some time later…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The house was empty. Except for Lou and a snoozing Eddie. Which was as empty as the place had been since he’d come home from the hospital.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny swallowed and inhaled slowly through his nose. He’d put his place on the market. Most of his stuff was here, so there wouldn’t be much to pack. He’d either sell or donate all the extra furniture. He wasn’t sure how they’d work out the logistics. How <em>he’d</em> work out the logistics. This was all on him. Steve had gone and thrown this in his lap. The house. Eddie. Junior. Danny smiled and his eyes swelled with tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This place had drawn him like a magnet from the start. Chairs on the beach. Countless cups of coffee. Burnt frittata. An uncomfortable couch to crash on. Laughter and tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny was feeling the absence of his best friend like someone had drilled a hole in his heart. Everything here reminded him of Steve. Memories practically dripped from the walls.   </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d hoped that his presence could make things better. Lighter. It seemed to work for a few weeks. Steve had begun to smile again. There were fewer and fewer thousand-yard stares. Then things went south with Rachel for the final time, and Danny’d taken a few days off to clear his head only to watch a lovely woman die in a violent car accident. He was now convinced he would be a bachelor for the rest of his life. Which wasn’t a terrible prospect as long as his children remained in his life and Steve was his partner. Danny trembled, closing his eyes for a breath or two. Steve made this rock home. Made life bearable. <em>Why had he never told him that after all these years?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It didn’t matter though. Steve had gone dark again. No word back to Danny. So much for keeping in touch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny? You want some lunch?” Lou called from the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stretching, Danny took stock of his body. He needed to eat if he was going to take his pills, but he wasn’t hungry. He pushed up from the couch and hobbled into the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’s your cane?” Lou mock scolded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When did you become my mother, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou quirked an eyebrow, ready for mischief, and pulled out his cell. “Don’t make me call her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You wouldn’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Try me. Clara loves me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Never shoulda let you take her on that ridealong.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou grinned, and Danny took the sandwich and didn’t grumble again. He shuffled outside and sat on the bench. Eddie at his heels, dog ever hopeful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve glared at his phone. Danny had texted five times.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why couldn’t he leave him alone? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve closed his eyes against that thought. He hadn’t meant it. <em>Had he?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d left the islands for peace with a capital P.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His partner’s nagging was extra baggage from his old life. It hurt too much. Steve shrugged it off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If he talked to Danny right then, he’d take the first flight back. He needed to cut the cord. Break ties.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were safer without him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That realization scared him. Reminded him he was a monster. A danger magnet. Heartache and pain followed him wherever he went. He was even afraid to spend too much time with Mary and Joanie. Not until he got his shit together. Made sure the past wasn’t still on his six, threatening everything and everyone he held dear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everywhere he went, there was a trail of death and destruction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes watered. He felt a headache coming on. Crying had overtaken pacing since Danny’d figured him out. It was an odd turn of events. Steve lay in bed and wept most nights now. The quiet kind of sobbing, muffled and hidden. He still couldn’t fully accept that emotional part of himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine had passed out after sex and a sundae. He’d cried into a pillow. She never questioned him, didn’t judge. Once the tears started, she rolled over and told him good night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve knew she was running her own game. This was no magical rekindling of their relationship. Catherine had something to gain. He just didn’t know what it was yet. <em>Did he want to find out? Did it matter?</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Shaking his head, he gripped the scratched porcelain sink. He thought about how easy it would be to yank it out of the wall. Steve was disappointed with himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d run back to his mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve?” Catherine called from the other room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were staying at what Danny would call a flea bag motel. Not much better than the place Danny’d lived in when he first came to Oahu. Maybe that was why Steve had picked the place. It reminded him of his best friend. He’d told himself it was anonymous and simple. Cheap but not dirty. The kind of place where no one asked any questions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Be out in a minute.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He clicked the side button on his phone and the screen went black. He hadn’t replied to any of Danny’s texts since he left Hawaii. Not with words anyway. He’d sent an emoji, hoping that would be enough for now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a knock, and something unfamiliar in her voice. “Steve? You alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He flushed the toilet for cover. Then he splashed water on his face. When he opened the door, he smiled and kissed her lips. “Hello beautiful.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve knew just the right things to say to make Catherine melt. He could change the subject and deflect without breaking a sweat. It’s what they did best. Avoiding their glaring incompatibility was too easy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine was the modern version of his mother. He wasn’t naïve. He’d been chasing a ghost since he was a teen. Maybe Catherine had filled a void. She was all the things he was missing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mmmm. You taste good.” She purred as she kissed his neck. “You wanna get pancakes?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve flinched, and she noticed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You okay? I told you those tacos were too spicy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Laughing he ruffled her hair. “Nah, no pancakes. You know I don’t like too many carbs.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really? Because I have it on good authority that pancakes are your favorite. Especially with bananas and chocolate chips.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He schooled his face. Steve couldn’t let her know she’d pegged him. <em>But how did she know?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A little bird told me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny?” He was perplexed. Dumfounded. <em>Had Danny talked to Catherine?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No but close.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve wrinkled his nose and let go of her. He grabbed a fresh T-shirt from his duffle and waited for her answer. He wasn’t in the mood to play games.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gracie.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now he really wanted to frown. It didn’t seem right, Catherine speaking to Grace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I check in with her every once in a while. Last year, after her accident…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her voice trailed off. Or rather, Steve stopped paying attention. He didn’t want to remember the last year. It was why he’d left Oahu. Left his heart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She noticed, and for the first time a little bitch crept into her voice. “Steve? Are you listening to me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sighing, he didn’t lie. He was too exhausted. “Sorry, I drifted – “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You need calories!” Catherine giggled and took his arm. “Let’s get some food. I’m hungry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve didn’t argue. He stuffed his phone and room key into his pocket and let her lead him into the evening sun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny knew he had minutes until the house became Grand Central again. He’d ordered pizza and set out some snacks. Like any other day. It was the weekend after all. Pretending was getting easier, despite how exhausted he was. His meds helped, but mostly he was just super stubborn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the quiet place of his heart, Danny felt nothing at all. He’d spent so much time worrying about Steve all these years. Now, it was a becoming a distant pain. Literally and figuratively.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared at the screen. No real response since Steve left. All he’d received so far was a smiley with sunglasses. <em>What the hell was that supposed to mean?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny didn’t dare touch his phone. If he picked it up, he’d throw it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You look good, man.” Lou had to admit Steve looked relaxed. Made him smile for a minute.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was too impatient for pleasantries. He got right to the point.  “Lou, how is Danny really?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou crossed his arms. “How do you think?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a pleading in Steve’s eyes. “Lou, please.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s rough. We all are, Steve. It’s been a hard couple of months.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t want to - I never meant to -“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou held up his hand. He didn’t know why he’d agreed to this video call. He really didn’t want Steve to see how raw his own emotions were.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, you need this break, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve nodded, but didn’t answer with words. He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “Are you ready to come back?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Fire crept back in Steve’s voice, like he was daring Lou to question what he’d done. “I’m not ready to come back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, there it is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am coming back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh huh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t believe me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Frankly, Steve, I don’t know what to believe. I never thought I’d see you leave like this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, hey. I don’t mean anything by it. It’s just – it was sudden.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I talked about it for awhile, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know you did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve, look man, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou sighed. “We miss you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I miss all of you, too. And it hasn’t been that long.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shaking his head, Lou looked away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What Lou?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t wanna overstep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes. “Sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I moved to this rock to get away from my problems. You know how that went.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Best decision I made but it came at a cost too. I own that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not getting away from anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Getting away.” Lou bit off the best part of a laugh. “You’re running.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve cleared his throat. “I’m not running.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You told Danny you were looking for peace.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bullshit. Peace is code for running away.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve had his own ammunition. <em>Or so he thought.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve been lying to me for the past week, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lying to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny is not fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See, you know that and haven’t done anything about it. What does that say?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You left in a hurry, man. And no one blames you. It’s been a tough year.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Year? Try decade.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Decade. Whatever. Problem is, you think you’re the only one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny’s got family. He’ll be fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Family? And you think you don’t? That’s what hurt the most. You left him like he was part of the job.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s not. No.” Steve’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “You know that’s not true.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then what? Why did you leave when he was two days out of the hospital?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He said he was fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop. You know that’s a crock of shit. Fine doesn’t sit on that stretch of beach til his ass is so numb he needed help getting up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See, he’s lucky his family had his back.” Wind crackled in that background. Lou sighed and wiped the sweat from his brow. “Look, man. I’m sorry. That last comment was way outta line.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I deserve it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I still shoulda phrased it better.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I almost got him killed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t start that shit. Daiyu Me kidnapped Danny because of some old beef with your mother. This is on Doris.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, she’s dead, Lou so – “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou laughed and rolled his eyes. “Just stop.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can see you, Lou, you remember that, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but you are not your mother. Or your father. Or any of the other baggage you’ve been dragging around.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. “I thought this was what I needed. Now, I just don’t know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Take some time and find out. Alone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alone?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Catherine, Steve?” Lou groaned. “Man, you know how that goes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know about Catherine?” Steve lowered his voice and scanned the parking lot. Catherine hadn’t come back from the convenience store on the corner. He suddenly felt uncomfortable. He didn’t want to discuss his love life. Or whatever it was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou pushed. “Yep, we know about Catherine. Cole thought he was doing you a favor. Please be careful. I remember what happened the last time. She’ll do a number on you. Again. Do you really need this? What happened to finding peace?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve ignored the lecture. He focused on one key thing. His gut had been right. Cole told Catherine about his plans. No one was going to tell him what to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have this under control, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve, you know all we want is for you to be happy, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine isn’t happy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words stung. Steve didn’t have time to argue the point. Catherine appeared at the corner of the lot. She waved when she saw him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I gotta go, Lou. Take care.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t be a stranger, Steve.” Just like that, the mood shifted again. “We miss you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve laughed, a little overcome. “Tani threatened to start a group text.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She would.” Lou smiled. “Take care. Don’t be a stranger.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nodding, Steve touched the screen. “Bye Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared at the screen, feeling like he’d left Oahu all over again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine shoved into his space, wrinkling her nose. He closed his laptop and shrank back into himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who was that?” Her lighthearted giggle was more demand than anything else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aw, that’s nice. He’s always been a good friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Still is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Things are changing, Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He frowned and took the bags from her. “Let’s eat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We can do that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just as they approached the door, Steve spun around, catching Catherine off guard. “Why are you here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She bumped into him. “What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You heard me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m tagging along on your quest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Try again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think someone needs to eat. You always get grumpy when your blood sugar is low.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine took his hand and led him into the motel room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny longed to retreat to his room. Steve’s room. To sleep. To become one with the bed for hours. Not tonight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Charlie was with him. Joy of his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danno?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His voice was so sweet, it hurt Danny’s heart. Coming inches from death made him very nostalgic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea buddy?” Danny pulled Charlie closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where’s Uncle Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Before Danny could answer, Charlie kept going.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is he on a secret mission?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny smiled. He wanted to lie. He could go along with Charlie’s fantasy. But he knew, as time stretched on, no fib would hold, so he molded his response to something Charlie would understand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No Charlie. He’s-“ Danny stopped, overcome with an unexpected dizziness. He didn’t know where Steve was. Had no clue. Except that he was on the mainland. He swallowed the helpless feeling and took a breath. “He’s on vacation.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Vacation? Like Disney World?” Charlie seemed hopeful, almost excited. Danny could see the wheels turning, and the twinkle in his son’s eyes almost broke his heart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, like Disney World. Except he’s on a road trip.” God, Danny thought he’d blown it. Did Charlie know what he meant?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Road trip?” Charlie raised an eyebrow and chewed on his finger. “You mean like a car, Danno?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right. He’s driving.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? Is he afraid to fly because of the plane crash?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kids said the darndest things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jaw set, Danny tried his best not to appear alarmed. He wasn’t prepared; he didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t talked much to Charlie about the doomed undercover mission. Then he remembered something from Charlie’s favorite teacher.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know how Mrs. Keloa taught you to stop and count to ten when you’re upset?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Charlie nodded, little face captivated and waiting for the payoff.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, that’s what Uncle Steve is doing. Except it’s the adult version.” Danny thought he was losing Charlie, and he searched his mind for more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Charlie surprised him with a quick answer. “Ok, Danno.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny relaxed. He could do this. Hopefully, the tough part of the conversation was over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then, his sweet little boy’s face contorted with a wave of hurt. “But he didn’t say goodbye.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny felt like a cliché.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked at the night sky and thought about Steve seeing the same moon. There must have been a thousand stars. How long ago had he fallen in love with the islands? He couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Except he didn’t know where Steve was. It could be daylight. Probably was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But his heart ached. It wasn’t his healing bullet wound or bruised everything else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He missed his best friend. The pain got worse each day. <em>How could he leave him right when he needed him?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny figured that for the first time, Steve needed to be the one to leave. After all the people who’d left him. Everyone but Danny. He’d stayed. He’d risked his relationship with Grace, goddammit. To save Steve. To clear him. To save his stubborn ass. Over and over again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This time, the going got too tough, and Steve had bugged out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a big sigh, Danny looked up and counted the stars. Why couldn’t Steve just get on a plane and come home?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was being maudlin. Alcohol did that to him. Made him sappy. He thought about his misguided attempt to rekindle things with Rachel and then, the bar and Joanna, and the pain got worse. What a fucking year. Maybe he could crawl back into bed til 2021.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just when he thought the night couldn’t get worse, his cell vibrated. Speak of the devil.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steven.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How are you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>God, it was so good to hear Steve’s voice.</em> Danny kept it light to keep from weeping. “Fine, thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure? You don’t sound fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something about the tone of those words twisted in Danny’s gut. No, he wasn’t fine. No matter how relieved and happy he was to hear Steve’s voice, he was shouldering a burden he needed to share. Danny considered his next words. Part of him wanted to hold back. Another wanted to unload. He went right for the jugular.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Charlie cried tonight.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve cleared his throat. Danny regretted his admission. Steve took it in stride.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I bet you found just the right thing to say, buddy. You’re the best dad I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words felt hollow, forced. Overkill. Danny knew it was his terrible mood playing tricks on him, but he couldn’t help snapping. They always say you hurt the ones you love.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did you call, Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t check in with my best friend?” Steve’s retort was sharp. Danny’s foul mood was spreading.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t want pity. Not yours. Not Lou’s. Not anyone else’s. Right about now, I just wanna be left alone. I have a killer headache. And talking to you doesn’t help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny hung up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve worked his jaw back and forth, staring at the screen. The <em>Call ended</em> message taunted him<em>.</em> Served him right after waiting too many days to reply to Danny. He swiped through his contacts and called the first person on his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yesss…” Lou dragged out the word.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve hated Lou with a passion in that moment. The smugness. The lingering disappointment in that one syllable. Was he imagining things?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The big guy cut him off. “How are you, Lou? Why, I’m quite annoyed that you woke my ass up at midnight. Didn’t I just talk to you this morning? Or was I dreaming?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just hung up with Danny? I know. He had the decency to text me a heads up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, I didn’t wake you. Danny did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Semantics.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve stared at the phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence stretched. Felt like another person on the line. Lou was first to jump back into the rough waters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you bleeding, Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In danger?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Broken bones?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. Come on, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay then. Call me back in like six hours. Good night.” Lou hung up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou, baby. Come back to bed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His wife stood in the doorway. Frowning, he shook his head. He couldn’t look at her. He was pushing back tears and a surge of anger. Not at Steve exactly. Life itself sucked right then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Renee sighed. He listened to her float across the room, robe all cool and soft when she wrapped her arms around him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t say a word.” She whispered. “We can stay here all night. Whatever you need.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Loaded question.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wanna talk about it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Lou nudged her robe open and found his solace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>“Lou, we’re already a man down.” Danny paused. “Two really.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cole is fitting in nicely.” Lou shrugged him off. “You don’t like him out of principle. Like high school.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously, Lou? Like high school?” Danny rolled his eyes and frowned. “No, he’s not fitting in. He’s not really here here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Lou replied with a slight raise of his eyebrow. Only a slight tremor revealed his amusement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s here, but he’s not here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Man, I think you took too many meds this morning or you need to eat something. You’re not making sense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny cradled his left arm. He couldn’t cross his arms over his chest yet. It hurt too much. But he was pissed and defensive. “I’m making perfect sense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Says every high person on the planet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, Danny rambled. “You’re short on help. Sure, Cole is a great asset. But he won’t stay, Lou, and you know it. I give him a month. I’d put money on it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou considered Danny’s words and chewed his bottom lip for a second. “Ok, I’ll take that bet. What are the stakes?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No stakes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There have to be stakes, man.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How about actual steaks? I cook.” Danny was pleased with his idea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou wrinkled his nose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I can cook.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You make heavenly Italian delicacies, but run a grill? Nope. If I want charcoal, I’ll buy my own bag.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Funny. Then, I’ll get my minions to grill the steaks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Minions?” Lou chuckled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Junior. Tani.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I bet they’ll want in on this action.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, huh uh. This is between you and me. Too many cooks spoil the –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, scratch that. Don’t you find it – I don’t know – bad form to bet against a colleague?” Lou’s phone buzzed before he could wax poetic, and he took a quick glance at the screen. “Shit, I gotta go. You ok here by yourself?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny glared. “Don’t need a babysitter. For the 1000<sup>th</sup> time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hands up, Lou explained. “Hey, Steve will have my hide if-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If what? Someone breaks in here and kidnaps me? That ship already sailed. And if he was so worried about my safety, he shouldn’t have ditched me when I can’t defend myself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stared at one another. Then Danny looked away, unable to meet Lou’s sympathetic gaze. He shook his head and sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine, Lou. Really. Me and Eddie have big plans.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Plans? Don’t go taking him for a walk in this heat. Doctor’s orders. I saw the paperwork. You’re still supposed to rest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Walks are Adam’s gig. No, me and Eddie have a date with Steve’s bed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s all kinds of wrong, and you know it. Steve finds out Eddie’s been in his bed?” Lou was serious, no trace of humor in his voice. Eddie was not allowed on the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who’s gonna tell him, huh, Lou?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not me.” Lou knew none of the team was crazy enough to accept that dare. Guilt by association was a serious thing. “I’ll make a deal with you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” Danny waved his hand at Lou. “Let’s hear it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Give it another week, and we’ll talk about you coming back. Desk duty only.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I could do that now, Lou.” Danny didn’t hide his annoyance. “In my sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No you can’t. You’re still taking those pain pills, so you’re not thinking straight.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou ignored the clenched fist. “It means what it means. You’re not yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anger welled up in Danny’s chest, and he wanted to punch something. He didn’t like the implication.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look, I’m sorry. That came out wrong.” Lou paused, exhausted with this conversation. “I’m not saying you have a problem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny sighed. “Don’t. I get it. I’m not ready. I may never be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, come on. I didn’t mean it that way. You need to follow doctor’s orders.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Snickering, Danny shook his head. “That’s so funny. You never say that to Steve. But me? You all watch me like I’m gonna break. Like I’m a child.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, we just want you to-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny threw his bottle of pills at Lou. “Take these. I don’t need them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, Eddie. It’s naptime.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eddie perked up and headed for the stairs, waiting for Danny and wagging his tail.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good boy.” Danny smiled. “At least one person – oh wait, he’s not a person. Great, my best friend is now a dog.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll leave these in the cupboard with the others.” Lou’s voice was measured, calm. “Junior and Tani should stop by with dinner later.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I appreciate what you’re doing. All of you.” Danny limped to the steps. His knee hadn’t required surgery but it still hadn’t forgiven him for the drop from the rafters during his escape. “Rachel’s bringing Charlie over. I’m making dinner.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dinner?” Lou looked hopeful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pasta, garlic rolls. A thank you.” Danny stopped. “What? You don’t think I can do it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, it’s not that. I just – it’s been awhile.” Lou didn’t finish his thought and Danny knew it.<em> Was he ready to work that hard in the kitchen?</em> “I love your garlic rolls.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everyone does.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure you can do all that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny glared and then rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Why do you think I’m taking a nap?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Beauty sleep?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyone ever tell you you’re a funny guy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can we at least bring something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dessert?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Already have someone on that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, alrightie then.”  Lou rubbed his hands together. “You go take your power nap, and I’ll see you later.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny started up the steps. “Could you lock up?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously? You think I’d leave you here alone without making sure the place was tighter than Fort Knox?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right. Our benevolent dictator’s edict.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right.” Lou smiled. “Call if you need anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead of arguing, Danny simply agreed. “I will.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You make sure he does, Eddie.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eddie barked and bounded ahead of Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s not Lassie, Lou. He’d probably hide under the bed if something happened.” Danny paused. “What? He’s a drug sniffer not a guard dog.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lover not a fighter.” Lou laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Quit while you’re ahead, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve dried his hair and hung the towel around his neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine sat on the end of the bed, watching him, swinging her feet. “So what are you going to do with your life?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her question came out of nowhere. Steve didn’t have an answer. He had other things on his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I honestly don’t know, Cath.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You, Steve McGarrett, don’t know what you’re doing with your life?” She leaned forward on her elbow, wobbling a little.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope.” He grinned before taking a long drink from his leftover beer on the dresser, pulling on a loose shirt, leaving it unbuttoned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She straightened. “Huh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine waved her finger at him, giggling. “Never thought I’d see the day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The day that what?” Steve did not like fingers being waved anywhere near his face. No matter who it was. He was not seeing the humor in this conversation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That you’d hang it all up.” She sighed and shook her head. “It’s sad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I needed a break, Cath.” Defensiveness crept over him. He wanted to believe it was just heartburn but he caught himself thinking she thought less of him. <em>Did he care about her opinion?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I get the needing a vacation part. Who doesn’t need to get away once in a while?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He frowned and waited. Clearly, she had an agenda. This was why she met him on the plane. He’d known this was coming.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re too talented to quit now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Quit?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what you’re doing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You left Five-0. You have no plans. Looks to me like you’re quitting.” She shrugged, wrinkling her nose. She was toying with him. This used to be a turn on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, what? You’re offering me a job.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her mouth fell open.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See, I’ve been on to you the whole time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“On to me?” She quirked her eyebrow and gave him half of a frown.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Crossing his arms, Steve widened his stance. “This is some kind of recruitment.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She laughed. “Recruitment? For what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The CIA.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really, Steve? You think I’d do that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If the shoe fits.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wow, if I didn’t know you better that would hurt.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their dance continued, as always. Back and forth. Hurt and be hurt. He felt something building and it wasn’t love. Call it lust mixed with anger and frustration.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re hurting. You’re lashing out.” She leaned in and traced her finger from his chin down to the open hollow of his shirt. “God, you’ve become so much like Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There it was again. A less than positive mention of Danny. The jealous push and pull of their relationship.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny’s the best man I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, you’re right. And that’s the problem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not following.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny has limits. Lines he won’t cross, Steve. You know that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sat beside her, sliding back to lean on the pillows. “And you think I don’t have limits?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know you.” She crawled closer to him.  “I’ve seen what you’re capable of.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He recoiled when she touched his hand. She didn’t hesitate to snag his fingers, linking them together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See that’s not a bad thing. I love that side of you.” She slid into his lap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You do?” Steve studied her for a second. Catherine knew just what to say…and do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh yea.” She kissed him. “You’re so –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pushing her onto her back, he pulled off her tank top and sucked her nipples.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See this is you, Steve.” She purred in his ear.  “You’re an animal.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve growled and kissed down to her navel. “I’ll show you animal.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They’re always Steve and Danny! Danny and Steve!” Tani grew louder and more frantic. Her breath hitched and tears streaming. She slammed the car door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey. Look at me.” Junior put his hands on her shoulders and turned her toward him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” She pouted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiled. “Come on. It’ll be ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you know?” She frowned. “Are Navy SEALS psychic?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shrugging, Junior smoothed a strand of hair out of her face. Tani continued to glare, but he didn’t break for a few more seconds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know. Maybe? Super powers weren’t part of my training.” He quirked a half smile at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani wasn’t buying his attempt to cheer her. “Then what? Star-eyed optimism? Or grade A bullshit?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The power of positive thinking.” Junior made a big gesture. Tani ducked, nose wrinkled in amusement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sound like Steve and look like Danny.” She mimicked his gesture just missing his head with her exaggerated hand motion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a chuckle, he replied. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You would.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey.” He gave her a light shake. “Stop.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m mad, ok. Pissed. Why did he leave?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ve been over this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani pulled away, sulking. She kicked a couple rocks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on.” Junior kissed her neck as he pulled her closer. “Let’s eat dinner. Danny hasn’t cooked since…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t finish the sentence. Tani puffed up a little, emboldened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See, I’m right, Junes Things are fucked up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, you’re right. And I’m hungry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rolling her eyes, she took his hand and led him toward the house. “Men. You’re all the same.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What now?” Junior laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door flew open before Tani could answer, and Charlie ran out.  “Danno made bagetti!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Might not feel like it but the tide is slooooowly turning...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve?” Catherine pulled away when Steve didn’t respond. She kissed him again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tensed and closed his eyes, biting the inside of his lip to hold back tears. He could feel his whole body shrinking away from her. “I can’t do this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re not doing anything. I mean, we are obviously doing something.” She ground against him as she said the last two words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He met her eyes, frowning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re having fun, right?” She raised her eyebrows, searching for approval.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t sound so enthusiastic.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Catherine. This –“ He put his hands on her hips. “We don’t work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I beg to differ.” She rolled her hips again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve closed his eyes and hissed, lost in the intense feeling for a few seconds. He couldn’t help his bodily response. Then, he looked at Catherine, pinning her there with the intensity of his gaze. “Sex is easy. It’s not everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nose twitching with exasperation, and fighting a frown, she rolled off him. “If that’s the way you feel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cath, wait. I’m sorry.” He grabbed his swollen penis and squeezed to counter the loss of her warmth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I knew this would happen.” She pulled on her pink flowered panties, balancing from one foot to the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This? What?” Steve gave himself an angry stroke, not ready to give up on getting off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She slipped a tight tank top over her head. “I knew you’d bail on me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bail? On you?” He sat up, pulling the sheet to cover himself, abandoning his dick.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I should have known, Steve. This wouldn’t last.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re putting this on me?” Anger seared the ridge of his brow and curled his lips into a snarl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, who else? You need to figure yourself out.” She gathered her things, cold in her efficiency.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Too shocked and pissed to respond, he caught his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine settled the strap of her duffel on her shoulder. “Take care, Steve. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frozen, he watched her leave. Listened to the door click shut. And felt another chapter close. Maybe this time, their story was finished. But no, he wasn’t leaving it this way. This was not on him. He grabbed a pair of sweats and stumbled into them, hurrying so he’d catch her. Steve was certain she’d had this escape planned the whole time, and no way was she leaving without hearing his side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait up, Cath.” He called as he jogged toward her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looked almost hopeful, but mostly, she was playing a role. “Hey sailor. You change your mind?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve stopped a few feet from her, keeping his voice steady, as his heart raced. “I didn’t want you to leave with the wrong idea.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wrong idea?” She gave him an eyebrow quirk of amusement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know what this was all about.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine chuckled, so sure of herself. “You do, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, you thought you’d seduce me and then recruit me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Recruit you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t play dumb. You’re not that good at it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jaw tense, she pursed her lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See, I’m right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I do love you, Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure you do.” He refrained from rolling his eyes. Danny would be proud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her next words spilled out like a kid making an excuse. “The orders came from above.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like that makes it any better!” Hand in his hair, he turned around, chest heaving. He was beyond upset, as disappointment set in. After all they’d been through, he never thought – he stopped himself from getting too sentimental. She was, after all, just like his mother. “And you led me down this path. God, where did you think this was going?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I hoped – “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He cut her off. “You hoped I’d come work with you? Play house? Raise a family? Like that worked out well for my mother!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve screamed the last few words in her face. Catherine backed up a step. Nostrils flaring, now she was pissed too. Her cheeks flushed, and her eyes were darker for a split second before they regained their pseudo innocent sparkle. She was smart enough to keep her mouth shut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Calm when he spoke again, his eyes were glossy with tears. “You know where this leads, Cath. You know what the CIA did to my family.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve, I didn’t mean to – I wanted –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, I know what you wanted. What about me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your skills.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My skills? Is that all I am to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a hiccup, a hitch in time before she recovered. “You know that’s not true.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t answer. They both took a moment to catch their breath. Steve spoke first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you truly loved me, you would have come right out and asked me my plans. No lying. No games. No waiting a week. You would have asked me if I was okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t lie.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you just led me on. Ran a game on me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If that’s how you see it.” Catherine adjusted her bag and crossed her arms over her chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve looked at the cracked pavement and said softly. “Goodbye, Catherine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A black SUV flashed its lights and slipped into a parking space a few feet away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Goodbye Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catherine walked away and jumped into the vehicle without a glance his direction. Steve watched the SUV turn onto a side street and disappear into the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny’d never felt such animosity for a toy. A simple helicopter model. Easy assembly. Decals to stick on yourself. Batteries to make lights flash and the rotor turn. He never minded noisy toys. That was Rachel’s department. No, it was the giver of the gift. Steve. Generous to a fault when it came to the kids.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Charlie bounced in front of Danny fidgeting up a storm and cradling the box like he was protecting a baby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But Danno. We already waited forever. You said we’d put it together last weekend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Charlie, I’m sorry. It’s still hard for me to –“ He was cut off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uncle Steve said I could have it as soon as you were better. He said-“ Charlie stopped mid-sentence and ducked his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny closed his eyes and turned off the water. The first bubble of anger rolled around his gut. His moods had taken on a grumpier flavor in recent days. Impatience. Quick temper. When he wasn’t sad, he was angry. It took energy to hide it, and Charlie was pushing his limits.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Squeezing all the water out of the soapy sponge, twisting it one direction and then the other, Danny counted to ten and then ten more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Charlie, please. Not now.” He kept his voice low and steady. Any change in octave or added emotion could be catastrophic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Piercing eyes glared at him, and Danny knew he was lost. Charlie, realizing he was losing, doubled down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uncle Steve said –“ The words flashed neon bright, daggers to Danny’s eyes and heart. He didn’t hear the rest of Charlie’s litany.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t care what Uncle Steve says. I don’t wanna hear another word about him tonight.” Danny leaned closer to his son, hand covering the bandage on his chest as the angle did his healing wound no favors. “Not a single word. You got that? Now give me the helicopter.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny dried his hands and slung the dish towel over his shoulder, wincing at the movement. He held out his hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But Danno, Uncle Steve said –“ Indignant and determined, Charlie hugged the box to his chest, refusing to hand it to his dad. “He said this was mine!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Charlie!” Danny yelled. “Give it to me now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou sidled into the room, hands in his pockets. “Hey there, Charlie. Isn’t that an awesome model? I love helicopters.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, Uncle Lou. Uncle Steve bought it for me right before he went on his trip. He said it would be easy to put together. It’s for little guys like me. And it lights up and the rotors turn.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That sounds like fun, little man. Why don’t you take the model out to the lanai and have Junior help you put it together? I bet he knows where the batteries are hiding, too.” Lou mussed Charlie’s hair. “Go on now before I change my mind and enlist you in k.p. duty. There’s a whole fleet of dishes to wash.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No way! Huh uh.” Charlie took off outside, giggling all the way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny and Lou watched the little boy tackle Junior.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t say it, Lou.” Danny muttered, one hand in his hair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not saying a thing. You’re under stress, Danny. And you’re hurting. We all get it, man.” Lou surveyed the kitchen. Dinner was in full swing. He took the lid off a pot and was swatted with a dish towel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Outta the kitchen. I’ve got sauce to finish.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yessir!” Lou saluted. “My oh my, those garlic rolls smell good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Danny froze halfway over the table with two baskets in his hands. One with butter, the other filled with bread and his famous rolls.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani looked at Junior without moving her head. She mumbled. “Uh, it’s nothing, did you –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you forget something?” Junior cleared his throat as he twirled his spaghetti. “This tastes different.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou swept into the room. “Alrightie. I am ready to dig in. Been thinking about his all day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grinned and rubbed his hands together. Then he pulled out a chair and slid into his spot beside Charlie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s the matter with you people? It’s pasta night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Pasta night!” Charlie parroted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny shook his head. Lou’s enthusiasm always made his heart swell. But he sensed something was very wrong. “Don’t get too carried away, Lou.” He motioned to Tani and Junior with the baskets still in his hands. “Better ask them what’s up before they choke on it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani took a loud, slurping drink of her lemonade. “Danny, it’s not too bad. It’s better than –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stopped and took another drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior jumped in. “It’s good. It’s just – it’s not-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny set down the baskets right in front of Mr. Breadman aka Lou. He grabbed a fork from an empty place setting and took a big twirl of Tani’s pasta. Chewing with much thought, he frowned and spit the bite into a napkin with a groan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God, it’s bitter.” How he’d managed to fuck up the sauce he didn’t know. Of course, he was in denial. He did know. His mood had transferred to the food. “I apologize. Man, this hardly ever happens.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yo, it’s okay, Danny. We can finish it.” Junior moved the spaghetti around his plate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Plucking a roll from the basket, Lou raised his eyebrows. “But the bread’s safe, right? Because I can make a meal outta your garlic rolls. My other half limits my carb intake.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou elbowed Charlie, and the little boy grabbed a roll for himself. “Yea Danno. These are good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll call for pizza.” Danny picked up Tani and Junior’s plates.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny…” Tani’s voice trailed off, following him as he left the room. He walked to the sink, letting a daze settle over him. His hearing went fuzzy, but he pushed through. He still tired easy, and if he stopped moving, he’d be done for the day. His shoulder throbbed. It had been fine earlier in the day. As fine as he could be for three weeks out. Steve wouldn’t have let him touch the kitchen for a month unless he was supervising Steve’s cooking. Which was rewarding on a level Danny didn’t like to dwell on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The team was giving him space, a wide berth fit for a yacht. Too much. Just like they all did with Steve when he was injured. Yet it was all an illusion. They were smothering him in other respects. Always around, hovering, looking at him with puppy dog eyes. Except for Tani. She was easy with him without taking his shit but not glossing over how much they all worried and missed Steve. He loved her for it. Scraping the plates, he sighed, remembering something. His Grandma told him to never be cross when cooking sauce. It would make it bitter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Two large pepperonis, please.” Danny laughed. “The big guy? He’s great. Same pain in the ass.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny studied the floor, noticing a hairline crack in one of the squares. Probably from one of the times someone broke in and attacked Steve. Pushing that thought from his mind, he tried to focus on the happy banter. Everyone asked about Steve. Danny didn’t have the heart to tell them he was wandering the Earth, maybe never returning to his beloved island. He didn’t know if it was his right to speak about Steve’s travels either. Steve should be doing the talking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve flirted with the girl from the pizza place all the time. Danny was convinced he did it to get extra garlic toast or pepperoncini. Steve was just like that, though, friendly and charming once he knew you. Danny wondered how he had the courage to let people in when so many had hurt him. And then he’d just run away, leaving Danny to pick up the pieces.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ending the call, Danny stood there, hands at his sides. He needed to sit. The table was so far away and if he slid to the floor, the team would never leave him alone again. And no way was he able to climb up and sit on the counter. Memories of bickering over breakfast assaulted Danny. How many times had he sat there watching Steve cook for him? Laughing, arguing. Sharing their lives. All of that was a blur now. He wasn’t sure what it meant, if anything. <em>Had Steve really only stayed to solve the mystery surrounding his father’s death?</em> That statement had struck Danny like a baseball bat. If he’d had more energy that day, he would have fallen out of his chair or punched Steve. <em>How dare he say that?</em> After all they’d shared. <em>Had none of it mattered in the end?</em> He’d left so quickly that Danny had no clue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took a deep breath and pushed away any and all thoughts of Steve. He was getting pretty good at stuffing feelings into compartments and locking the door. He put on his best face, even forced a twinkle in his eyes. He wouldn’t tell anyone he was close to tears practically every minute of the day. Tears or violence. Danny wanted to break things, including himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leaning on the counter, he gave himself another minute. Composing himself took so much energy. It was ridiculous.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve sat on the edge of the bed and drank a beer. This place didn’t have a mini bar. He’d walked down the block to the liquor store and grabbed a six-pack of his favorite brew. A brand that was tough to get on Oahu. He was indulging. This was a vacation, of sorts, so he could do what he wanted. That’s what he told himself as he chugged his third bottle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tonight, he felt like he’d only just begun to relax. Catherine had been some weird interlude where he’d shed one final remnant of his past.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But had he shed Five-0? <em>Did he want to?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He still wasn’t ready to answer those questions. Steve didn’t know if he was done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mind wandered as the buzz kicked in. He smiled and turned on the television, getting lost in a baseball game until he realized it was boring without a certain person’s running commentary. He tried to mimic the voice in his head for a few minutes but there was no replacing Danny Williams.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lying back, Steve sighed. He wasn’t tired. No way would he sleep. Maybe if he finished the beers, he’d pass out, avoiding the newest nightmares that chased him each night. They tore at him both for the terror and the longing. Danny, bleeding out in his arms, was not how he’d envisioned holding his best friend. He smiled at a fragment of a memory. The good dreams usually involved a cheesy Halloween movie and a big bowl of popcorn that ended up scattered all over the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can tell you two’ve never been married. Lord – you eat what he puts in front of you. This isn’t bad.” Lou took a bite. “Add some parmesan and eat another garlic roll.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior unfolded and refolded his napkin. “It’s not – uh - Danny’s best.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, it’s bitter.” Tani frowned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou’s sigh morphed into a sad chuckle. “More perfect words have never been spoken.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is Danny we’re talking about. Come on.” Tani rolled her eyes in a halfhearted attempt at protest. “He’s still healing and a bit grouchy, but he’s fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Lou shook his head. “This is Danny without Steve. You don’t know <em>this</em> man.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior worked his jaw, holding back his opinion, deferring to his senior. Tani’s mask of defiance crumbled and she chewed on her bottom lip to hide her trembling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou continued half under his breath, as he pushed away from the table. “No sir, I don’t want to know this man. Not at all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hands in the pockets of his lilac shorts, Lou headed outside toward a clueless little boy who was making helicopter noises and chasing Eddie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, we have to do something.” Indignant, Tani crossed her arms and glared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What like an intervention?” Junior tossed out the first thing that popped into his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great idea.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Tani, it’s not. Stay out of it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stay out of it?” She raised her eyebrows, eyes wide and threatening a lightning strike. “How the hell do you propose we stay out of it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What I meant – I mean – we should-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See? It’s impossible.” Sighing, Tani shook her head. “Danny needs help we can’t give him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After the pizza boxes had been cleared away, the mood was less festive. Danny set a tray of cannoli on the table. Adam had picked up dessert from a favorite spot when he’d apologized for not being able to attend tonight’s gathering. Adam and Quinn had pulled the short straws on a case. They were spending the next two days on Maui coordinating a bust with local LEOs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny smelled trouble in the water but didn’t say a word. He hoped he could finish his dessert before any shit hit the fan. No matter what, he’d let his friends do the talking. All of his years as a cop had taught him one thing, don’t offer. Let your suspects show their hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you for dinner.” Hands in her lap, Tani was too formal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior followed suit. “Thanks, man. Don’t worry. I’ve got the dishes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course you do.” Danny smiled. “That’s our deal.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re okay?” Tani blurted. “It’s not just dinner. You’ve been a little…off…today and-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stopped, pressing her lips into a fine line. Lou pushed his chair away from the table, preferring to watch. Tani didn’t meet Danny’s eyes again, which made him nervous and paranoid. He caught on right away. “What is this? An intervention?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani elbowed Junior, but nobody spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because that’s not fair. You let Steve roam the world like the walking wounded, but me you watch like a hawk. What? You don’t think I can take care of myself? I’m weak? This isn’t the first time Steve left me, ya know. At least I knew it was coming this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sighing, Lou finally joined in. “It’s not like that, Danny, and you know it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Lou. I don’t know it, or I wouldn’t be asking, would I?” Danny kept his voice low but it took effort. Infuriated and cornered, he wanted to lash out. But his little boy was conked out upstairs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re close to the edge, man. We all see it.” Lou shook his head. “There’s no shame in asking for help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like you did? Huh? You picked up your family and took off. Why didn’t you trust us? Or wait – did you tell Mr. Wanderlust? And not me. You all treat me like –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut up.” Tani mumbled as she clamped her eyes shut to hold back tears and to stifle her anger. It didn’t help. She was furious. “Stop it. Both of you. Now!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everyone jumped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve all been acting like idiots. I’m gonna check on Charlie.” She stormed out of the room. Junior followed her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, please, talk to someone. We’re all too close to this. We can’t be objective. People are starting to notice, man. HPD’s been asking around. You’re not alright. You can’t come back to work if you’re on the edge. You scared Charlie. He’s a good kid. Come tomorrow, this’ll be old news. This memory won’t stick. For him. But I know you. You’re gonna torture yourself for days. It happens to the best of us. We lose our tempers. It’s tough being a dad when you got your own shit. I’ve been there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou, I’m –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t lie to me and tell me you’re fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sick of this. Tired of feeling this way. Carrying around this anger. Why am I left holding the bag? I wish I could leave to find peace or whatever. Don’t you think I’ve thought about running?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe you just need a break, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was like a record skipped. Danny considered what Lou said like he didn’t understand the words. He repeated the most important. “A break?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right. A break.” Lou soothed. “Let Rachel take Charlie for a week or two. You know she’d love that. Charlie, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny wrinkled his nose and pushed away from the table, right hand rubbing his left bicep. Lou kept talking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She can take him to all his activities. Give you a chance to get your PT sorted out. I know you’ve been missing appointments. You need some quiet, too. Some alone time. Lord knows we’ve been smothering you. I can take Eddie, if you want. Renee loves that dog.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Uncomfortable with the silent treatment he was getting from Danny, Lou rambled on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And I say all of this from the bottom of my heart. Those feelings you’re holding onto will eat you alive. You know this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This isn’t about Steve. Fuck him right now. He left. Be angry. Let it out. Talk to someone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nodding, Danny put his head in his hands. “Okay. I’ll talk to someone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou sighed and caught his breath, overcome. “Good, that’s good. We’re all behind you. 100%.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny spit in the sink. Toothpaste dribbled on his chin. His mouth still hurt and brushing his teeth was an exercise in torture. Which made him push even harder. He noticed the blood and turned on the tap, washing it away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Closing his eyes, he thought of the little boy already tucked into bed in the next room. Charlie had fallen asleep after playing with his new helicopter. He’d been out in the sun all day, playing soccer, and had a belly full of garlic rolls and pepperoni pizza. Danny hoped he’d sleep through the night. He wasn’t sure he’d have the steam for a little boy with an upset tummy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His gut twisted and he fell to the floor in front of the toilet, not sure if he’d puke or just cry. He missed his best friend so bad the pain had eaten a hole in his heart. Danny picked at a loose tile, let his eyes go out of focus as tears clouded and softened his vision. He crawled to the bed, sobbing, and fell asleep with the lights on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, so the tide is turning slowly. At least Catherine is gone...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I apologize for the delay. Real life happened, and I got a little off track. Thanks for all of your support and patience.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“I was an op, Danny. They sent her to recruit me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah Steve, babe, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This news made Danny anything but happy. Yet it didn’t surprise him. There were so many clichés that could describe how well Catherine had fit in with the CIA. All that mattered was how it affected Steve. Gritting his teeth, he held his tongue and mentioned none of his opinions. He knew Steve was hurting. The anger in his voice was a total coverup.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve chuckled. “She actually thought she’d convince me. How ridiculous is that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ridiculous.” Danny answered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He felt the distance between them so keenly now, worse than ever. He longed to touch Steve. To tell him everything would be okay. He would always be there for his partner. No matter what – unless he was dead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny cringed at the thought. <em>Unless he was dead.</em> He’d never doubted he’d get out alive when Daiyu Mei took him. But now, he wondered if he’d die before he saw his best friend again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve, are you coming home?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hated himself for letting the nagging question escape. He felt like a lovestruck teenager lamenting a long-distance relationship. Because that’s what this would become if Steve stayed away for long. Danny would wait for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, you know what I said.” Steve paused and his voice was more monotone when he continued. No emotion in his words meant an iceberg hid beneath the deceptive calm. “My plan hasn’t changed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea yea, you’re finding peace.” Danny didn’t bother modulated his tone. He let his aggravation show.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Does it sound like I’ve found it yet?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well there’s your answer.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny sighed and didn’t say more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look, Danny, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finding his jaw locked shut, Danny remained silent.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve braced himself against the sink with one hand. He expected an argument, craved it, if he was honest with himself. Danny’s silence hurt. He knew it was all his fault, like everything else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, I don’t know what you want from me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want you to be happy, Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am.” Steve had to look away from the mirror and the lie he knew he’d find in his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re sure?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve dug in. He hated when Danny was calm when he wanted to bicker. “Yes, I’m sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. Good. Then I’m happy, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something in Danny’s voice made Steve’s chest clench. “For me, you’re happy for me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, I’m happy for you, you idiot.” A hint of smart ass crept into Danny’s voice. But it wasn’t enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve wasn’t letting Danny brush this off. “What about you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me?” Danny was surprised.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve knew he was on the right track. “Are you happy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence stretched like an elastic band. Steve waited for Danny to snap back at him. But there was just a low hum and static. If he didn’t hear the rustle of Danny fidgeting, he would have thought Danny’d hung up on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steven.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve sighed, relieved, yet oddly uncomfortable. His more formal name felt like a poke rather than the I love you it sometimes was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Danny caught the change in the current. “You okay there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, I’m good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn’t hide from Danny. “I got a Steven.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So? That’s your name, right? Or does finding peace involve aliases?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve almost laughed, but he pushed Danny instead. “You’re not happy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, then I’m not happy.” Steve set the phone on the vanity and put the call on speaker before crossing his arms over his chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This isn’t about my happiness, babe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re the one who left. You wanted to find peace.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve felt the jab and got a bit defensive. “You gave me your blessing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It took Steve a few seconds to recover from this admission.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, what? Danny. What does that mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Like a heavy blanket you’re too lazy to take off the bed, silence again settled over them. Steve closed his eyes and searched his mind for something to say. This wasn’t right. He and Danny could always talk to one another. The phone line crackled and Danny spoke first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look, I’ve gotta go. Rachel’s here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve frowned. “Rachel?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes Rachel. The mother of my children. We’re going to get lunch and talk.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Talk?” Steve felt things rush at him too fast. He was out of the loop. Like a stranger so desperately longing to be let in. <em>What was happening?</em> Alarm bells went off in his head. “Why doesn’t that sound good? Is everything okay? You’re not getting back with her, are you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had to admit, the last question was a cheap shot. Danny took an obvious, long, slow breath. Steve could hear the catch as Danny exhaled through pain. He wanted to badger him about his meds, but Steve kept his mouth shut. Leaving the island had negated his mother hen card. Or so Danny’d texted him more than once since their angry phone call.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re thinking too hard, Steve. Stop it. I’m fine. And I am not getting back with Rachel. I need some time on my own. I’m gonna ask Rachel to take Charlie for a few extra days. If she can.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, why?” Steve couldn’t breathe. “More time? For what? What’s wrong?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I – uh – my recovery has been slow.” Danny cleared his throat. “PT is tough. I haven’t been the best to be around.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, that’s normal.” Steve tried to joke, but it was met with no response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve could hear Danny walking. His cane made a distinctive sound on the floor. He wanted to scold him for walking and talking. Danny started again, and Steve let go of his need to lecture.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t want my mood to rub off on Charlie. I made an appointment with a shrink.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Without me?” Again, an uneasy humor bubbled up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, you aren’t here, are you, Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The question felt like an accusation. His answer was sharp and quick. “No.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny sensed Steve’s hurt right away. “That didn’t come out right. I’m sorry, babe. I get why you left. I miss you like crazy, but I understand.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Closing his eyes, Steve took a calming breath, in for a count of four and out for another four. Then he replied. “Danny, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay. Hey, I gotta go. Rachel’s here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s picking you up?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t drive.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can’t drive?” Steve really needed to kick Lou’s ass. He hated being in the dark.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My left arm is basically useless right now.  I’m still on some meds.“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Still?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Some of us aren’t machines.” Danny paused. “Babe, I’ve really gotta go. Talk later?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve took the jab. He deserved it. He was happy Danny still wanted to talk to him. “Sure. Tell Rachel I said hello.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Love you too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The call disconnected, and Danny was gone. Steve stared at his phone. It was warm in his hands. He set it down, and his vision clouded with tears. Rubbing his eyes, he grabbed a beer from the fridge. Alcohol was a sure way to keep from dwelling on things. The chill of the bottle made him stop and catch his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The little beach house he’d rented was cozy with four rooms and a spacious porch. But it was as empty as his lonely heart. All he could hear were a few gulls, the sea breeze and the ever-present waves. Which oddly enough, didn’t soothe his over-tired mind. But it was a place to hide out and regroup. This journey had morphed into a pilgrimage, and he was compelled to get where he was going.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d spent all night on a cramped, military transport. His road trip plans had evaporated with Catherine’s departure. He decided he needed to zig where she thought he’d zag. Her knowing his plans didn’t sit well with him.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve had this place for a few days before he headed north. A friend of a friend had hooked him up with a last-minute cancellation. The vacation rental was in someone else’s name, giving him a layer of anonymity. Maybe one day, he wouldn’t be so paranoid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I thought we were going to lunch. Where’s Charlie?” Danny glanced around her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Charlie’s with a friend. They’re dropping him off here in half an hour.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? Why?””</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, I –“ Rachel paused and took a breath, one hand rubbing the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey Rach, you ok? Whatever it is, I can help.” Danny forgot his own troubles. He’d do anything for her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She smiled. “That’s the thing. You help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wrinkled his whole face at her. Eyebrows, nose, lips pursed in confusion, frustration and then resignation. His defenses were cracking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You help everyone, and then there’s nothing left for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey. Steve did what he had to do. I get it. I’m fine. I should be back to full duty soon. Lou’s keeping me busy. Hell the whole team won’t let me-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Funny that you went there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The unspoken boogeyman hung between them. Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where else – what are you –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She held up her hand. “Stop. You can’t pull that act on me. I’m worried. I know you, Daniel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He kept his mouth shut. Eyes red now and shiny. His cheeks flushed. Rachel, too, looked like she was about to cry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pressed on. “I wanna lighten the load for a bit. Charlie has activities coming up. Lots of running all over the island.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny looked away and chewed on his lip, settling himself. He struggled with his words. “Rachel, I can handle it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Frankly, Danny, no you cannot. You barely drag yourself out of bed. Or is it the couch? I know you’re not sleeping. Or eating by the looks of it. And you haven’t shaved in a week.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She touched his shoulder and he jerked away, growling. “I can handle this. Steve did nothing wrong.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You always defend him.” Anger flashed on her face; lips set hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course I do.” Danny’s voice hit an exasperated pitch and he cleared his throat. “He’s my best friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rachel crossed her arms over her chest. “He’s not perfect.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Neither am I. I can take care of my son.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rachel took a breath, pain etched across her face. “I’ve never thought I’d say this – about you – but no you can’t. You need a break.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m a good dad.” Danny choked with tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, you are. That’s why you can’t see it.” She tilted her head and gave him a fond smile. He didn’t flinch when she touched him this time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny crumbled into a chair, head in his hands. He knew she was right. This break felt more permanent than he’d planned. “Ok Rachel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just for a little while.” She sat down beside him. “When you’re ready.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.” He really had no clue what he was agreeing to. Right then, he had no fight left in him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you, Daniel. We all do. And we see you hurting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nodded, too stunned to answer with words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let me fix you some tea. Charlie will be home soon. We’ll tell him together.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Settling into the chair, Danny smiled. He was scheduled for an hour. Every fiber of his being wanted to run. Even though he knew he needed this help. It was a battle inside his head. He hoped Dr. Lu didn’t notice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What brings you here today, Detective Williams?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wanted to roll his eyes at her. She knew why he was there. She was an HPD shrink, and he was obligated to be here thanks to Lou setting things in motion. Mainly so Danny wouldn’t try to get out of going.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny.” He cleared his throat. “Please call me Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The therapist made a note on her legal pad. “Danny. How may I help you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I – uh – I really need to-“ He sighed and looked at his feet. <em>Why was this so difficult?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Take your time. Would you like something to drink? I have coffee, tea, water.” She motioned to the setup in the corner of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny rubbed his hands on his pants, wincing. “No, but thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, I was shot.” He paused and met her eyes. He hadn’t meant to spill that detail so quickly. People reacted in different ways when he revealed his injuries. He wanted to give her a minute to adjust. “About a month ago. But you already know that. I’m sure you’ve read my file.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her mouth fell open like she meant to say something, but Danny stopped her. He kept his voice low and steady, controlling his emotions. “Look, I’m sorry. Maybe I will have the drink.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pushed up slowly, using his cane.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, take your time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have regular coffee?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, the Keurig. Have you used one before?” She leaned forward but didn’t get up to help. He was grateful. “There’s creamer in the mini fridge if you need it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.” He chuckled and met her eyes again. “My partner – he uh – he puts butter in his coffee. Or he did. I don’t know what he’s doing now. I take mine black. Had to give up dairy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you’re no longer partners?” She zeroed right in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny frowned for a second before recovering. He turned on the machine and set the cup in the right spot. “Boy these things are nifty. I still prefer the good old-fashioned drip brewer. Steve, he uses a French press. Which is great. Makes excellent coffee. I like to set a timer and have coffee waiting soon as I get up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded. “Do you like the aroma or the first jolt of caffeine?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Smiling, Danny thought for a moment. “I guess both. You?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Both for me, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So at least they had one thing in common. The coffee maker chimed and flashed a message that it was ready.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wow, that’s fast.” Danny took the mug. “Can I fix you one?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No thank you, Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He returned to his seat, setting the coffee on a coaster with seashells on it. It took him some careful maneuvering to sit down again. He could feel her eyes on his every move. She jotted some notes and adjusted her skirt before crossing her leg over her knee.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So how’s your recovery? You said it’s been about a month since your injury.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s good. Slow. But good. I’m not as young as I used to be. It’s taking longer this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The therapist quirked an eyebrow. “This time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not my first rodeo.” He wanted to add a smart remark, but instead, he flexed his left shoulder, right hand covering a spot just above his heart.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Most cops never discharge their weapons.” She flipped her pen in her fingers. “Statistics say that anyway.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Statistics.” Danny laughed. “You haven’t met my partner.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Was Steve responsible for your kidnapping?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? Why would you ask that?” His heart rate increased and he tensed his jaw. He sat up very straight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let me take another tack.” She tilted her head ever so much and reestablished eye contact. “You spoke of Steve in the past tense. Are you still partners?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. Yes. I don’t know what we are.” Danny wondered what his file told her. Surely, the governor and HPD knew about Steve going on walkabout.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why not? You either are or are not partners.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He left me. And I’m fine with it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Left you?” She scribbled more notes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny tried not to watch her. He wanted to rip the notepad out of her hands and read over every word before lighting it on fire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not like that. We’re work partners.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Lu raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure that’s it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Again with the deep question doc. Sheesh.” Danny sipped his coffee, pulling back to blow on the cup. It was hot, and his mouth was still sensitive. “God, I need some water.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you okay, Detective?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please call me Danny.” He raised his voice as he pushed out of his seat and headed toward the beverage station.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. Danny. Let’s take a minute. Start over.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine.” His hand shook when he filled the cup with water from the dispenser.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine is a cover I know well, Danny. I’ve used it myself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny flashed her half a smile. He didn’t envy her job. Listen to everyone’s problems too long, and they could become your own, if you weren’t careful. He sat down again and sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve is my best friend. We’re close.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How did you meet?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was investigating his father’s murder. Steve hijacked my crime scene and forced me onto his task force.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How did that make you feel?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Best thing to happen to me. Though I didn’t think so at the time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve or the task force?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Both. He saved my life.” Danny relaxed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you so angry with him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whoa, doc. Another cheap shot.” Danny shook his head. He stretched both legs, rubbing his left knee. “Okay, maybe you’re right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She softened a little, acknowledging his admission, before getting back to business. “Is this why you’ve come here? To talk about your anger?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stared at one another for a breath or two. His eyes darted to the hands on the clock, its ticking loud in his ears. He was halfway through his allotted time. He couldn’t run. He had to see this through. At least for today.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Besides the required clearance, yes. That’s why I’m here.” Danny answered. He felt like he’d been reborn and signed his death warrant at the same time. Hot all over, he flattened his palms on his thighs, wondering if he’d leave sweaty handprints.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you angry with Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not, I just –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, it’s okay, these feelings are good. Anger is natural.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not when it’s your best friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You feel what you feel.” She shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t come here for new age bullshit.” He growled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wasn’t fazed by his outburst. Dr. Lu quirked her mouth into half a smile, confident. “See, that’s the anger speaking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny wasn’t buying it. “No, that’s me speaking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rubbed his face and stared at his beverages for a second. He drew a line in the condensation on his cup of water before picking the coffee instead. The therapist sat patient as ever, hands perched on her notepad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Feel what I feel.” He shook his head. “I can’t feel what I feel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? What’s stopping you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can’t you see? I might screw things up worse than they are.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You might say something you’ll regret?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frowning, Danny gave her an eyeroll worthy of Grace. “Yes. What else?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She took a deep breath. “Okay. I have a plan. We’ll start simple.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m listening, doc. That’s why I came to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you have a picture of your partner?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, lots. Why?” Nose wrinkled, eyebrows scrunched, Danny was curious.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let me see one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, if you feel comfortable sharing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Depends on what you want me to do.” Danny leaned forward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell Steve exactly how you feel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny sat back in his chair, his whole body rigid. “The picture? Here? Right now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s fine, Danny. You don’t have to do this now. I see you’re not comfortable.” Dr. Lu said. She made some notes. “This will be your homework.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Homework? Doc, I didn’t come here for school.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You came here for help with your anger, correct?” She raised an eyebrow, voice sterner than it had been the entire session. “And you have an appointment scheduled for next week?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.” Danny paused for a moment, checking himself. “I do plan on coming back, yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then this is your first assignment.” She continued once she had his attention. “Take a picture of Steve. Tell him how you feel. Don’t hold back. Don’t worry how he’d feel. Spare him nothing. Just let it all out. See how it makes you feel and report back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How many times do I need to do this assignment?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As many times as you like. Well, let me rephrase. I’d like you to complete the assignment once. More is up to you. Really all of it is up to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Crossing his arms, Danny nodded. “I can do that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good.” She checked her watch. “As we have fifteen minutes, would you like to chat some more?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, I guess that’s why I’m here.” Danny chuckled. “I talk; you listen.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She read her notes before starting again. “When you say you’re fine with Steve leaving you, do you mean it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Danny wrinkled his nose. “Of course I mean it. Why would I lie?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sometimes we lie to protect ourselves – and others. Especially people we love.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You and your questions.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what I’m here for.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shaking his head, Danny took a sip of water before he answered her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I get why he needed to leave. He wanted some space. Peace. Whatever you call it. He’s had it rough. His best friend died, then his dad. Really close together. That’s when he met me. Then he found out his mom was really alive before she left him again. Then his mentor died in his arms. A year later his mom died for real after he tried to save her. Then I was kidnapped and shot. It’s a lot for anyone to take. Even a Ninja SEAL like Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She quirked her eyebrow at his last sentence before taking a deep breath as she jotted more notes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about you, Danny?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You. Your wounds. Surely you have them. In your line of work. Life in general. Cruelty is a part of all of our lives.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What kind of doc are you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The kind who wants to help you. And right now, you’re making excuses for your partner. Covering your own pain. Deflecting. We’re here to talk about you, Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He nodded, too overcome to speak. He definitely had wounds. Deep ones.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Clearly, you want to talk about more than Steve. This is a safe place. You can talk – or not. It’s okay to not be okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny flashed a smile. “Sounds like a fortune cookie or one of those memes my daughter is always sending me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have a daughter?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He ignored the fact that she had to know he had kids. His file probably told her everything about him. Maybe even going back to Jersey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea. Grace.” He showed her a picture from his phone. “She just started college.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You must be proud.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And a little sad?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure. It’s her first time away.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Lu tilted her head and gave him a fond smile. “You miss her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We chat a few times a week on FaceTime or whatever. And we text.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not the same though, is it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She can’t stay a kid.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right. And that’s a very healthy attitude, but how does it make you feel?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you trying to depress me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She laughed and then Danny chuckled before clearing his throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I hate it, but I’m happy for her. She’s super smart and brave and strong.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How does she feel about your job? Has she ever had to be brave for you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny flinched. “She accepts it. I know she worries. I worry about her worrying, but she bounces back. An old partner – he uh – took her once to get back at me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your daughter was kidnapped.” The therapist didn’t hide her shock. She flipped through the pages in her file.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s been years. She was nine. My ex-training officer held a grudge because I testified against him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Lu shook her head and sighed, setting her notepad on the stand beside her. She rubbed her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure you don’t want a drink, doc?” The grin Danny gave her flashed in his eyes. A hint of mischief. “Maybe you got something stronger hidden in here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gave him a warm smile in return. “Actually, I think I will fix myself a cup of tea. If you don’t mind.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go for it. I’m a lot, I know.” He shrugged. “And I’m not going anywhere.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Danny. That’s not true. You are not the things that have happened to you. You can choose how those events become a part of you. Sometimes it’s more difficult to not be taken over by them. It takes work, but you have a choice.” She popped a tea cup into the Keurig. “You’re here, so that’s good news. I’m honored you’ve trusted me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Honored.” Danny looked down, blushing. “I’m not sure why – or if you can help. Steve – he-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, stop.” She raised her voice. “I’m here to help you. Not your partner. I assure you I will do everything I can to help you. If you let me. And if you do the work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He heard her, but he was stuck on his train of thought. Danny zoned out as he recited what was a holy litany to him. “He’s been beat up more times than I can count – and believe me – I’ve counted. He’s jumped off buildings and out of planes. One time, he rescued a guy in midair. He’s been kidnapped, shot. His liver got shredded. I gave him half mine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You donated your liver to Steve?” The therapist took notes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. I’m surprised your little file doesn’t tell you that.” His reply was a little too sharp.  “He would have died.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Lu rolled with the conversation, focusing on the important part, she said. “And you’d do anything for him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then, you need to tell him exactly how you feel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everything?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All of it. Open your heart.” She paused. “First, tell me something about you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny didn’t even think. He just started talking. “I lost my best friend when I was a kid. Right in front of me. We were at the shore. Jersey. My family went every summer. Billy and me – we had a contest every day. We’d swim out to the sandbar. It was a race. He was there one minute. Next he was gone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rip current?” She asked, but her eyes were filled with understanding. You live on an island and you learn everything there is to know about water and its dangers. “The can be tricky.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea. I didn’t get back in the water til I moved here. For Grace. And Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He pushed me to get through my fear. To enjoy the water again. It mostly worked. The big jerk. He made me like this place, and then turns around and leaves me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sounds like you’re both on your own for the first time in a long while. Go easy on yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Going easy on yourself might give you the tools to see how Steve’s feeling. What he’s going through.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I thought helping him would help me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Danny. You need to heal yourself. Like an oxygen mask on a plane. You can’t help Steve if you can’t breathe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right, doc.” Danny dabbed at the corners of his eyes. “It feels like I’ve been holding my breath for a long time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let’s do something easy then. We have a few minutes.” She said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny chuckled. Nothing was easy about this session.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would you like to talk about your son?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He froze, tensing more than he wanted. Closing his eyes, he counted to four, then took a slow breath for another four before releasing to the same count.  Opening his eyes, Danny picked up his coffee and blew on the already tepid drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, doc. Not today, okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. This is your space. Please remember you can tell me anything. And it stays between you and me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>While he didn’t believe the last part of what she said, Danny relaxed. He expected her to push, and he didn’t know if he could talk about Charlie. He missed the little guy too much. Lou had been right, though. Time away was a good idea. But something bugged him about the shrink bringing him up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait – what do you know about my son?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s in your bio, Danny. You didn’t mention him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh yea, okay.” He answered, as a hot flash rippled over his body. Charlie being gone hurt more than Steve at the moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny? Are you alright? You got a little lost.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I miss my boy. That’s all. His mom has him this week.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Lu nodded, smiling and giving him room to continue or not.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m – uh – taking some time to get my head straight.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That sounds smart. You’ve been through a lot.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doesn’t feel like it.” Danny replied. He picked at the rough patches on his knuckles.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re doing the right thing here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, doc. Doesn’t make it easy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The best choices aren’t often the easy ones.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny stretched. “You can say that again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is a good place to stop.” Uncrossing her legs, Dr. Lu set her folder on the small table beside her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop? Feels like we’re just getting started.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Our time’s up. And this was a lot for one session.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nodding, Danny took a deep breath. He didn’t want to appear eager to leave, but on the inside, he was jumping up and down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, please promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Reach out to friends, family.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m okay, doc.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny.” She raised an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” She asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You just reminded me of Steve. He Dannys me all the time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m in good company then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea.” Danny agreed.  He wanted to tell her she also had a face, but he didn’t know her that well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Lu set took a sip of her tea. Then she stood. “Thank you for coming to see me. I hope I’ve helped.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny shook her offered hand. “You have helped. I think I can deal with this. Thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh Danny, we’ve only begun.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that a threat?” Danny grinned as he gathered his coffee and water cups.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She laughed. “I’ll see you next week?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Same time, same place.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t forget your homework.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny gave Dr. Lu a wave as he left the office. The mid-morning sun blinded him a little as he scanned the parking spots for his ride. Tani honked the horn, and he laughed. He definitely had friends backing him up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, you may have guessed this story has more than 15 chapters. Not sure how I'll divide what's left. I've combined and split up chapters already, so it's messing with the count. Plus those of you who've read me for awhile know how unpredictable my muse can be...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>“Ta da!” Tani pulled a large piece of cardboard from behind her desk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny frowned and then laughed in spite of himself. Tani had been going out of her way to cheer him up. She brought him malasadas every day, made sure he had rides to his appointments. She even programmed all of his favorite TV shows and sports stuff, leaving him notes about which things she didn’t think he should miss. She barged right into his life when the others were more hesitant. He’d never be able to repay her.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p> “What is that?” He asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh shit.” She flipped the unwieldy thing around to reveal a stern Steve, arms crossed and glaring at them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Giggling, Danny leaned on his cane. “Where did you get that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The copy place on the corner. I figured you wouldn’t want a happy Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re the best.” He reached to give her a one-armed hug.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go! Tell him how you feel.” She pushed him toward the glowering Steve. “Try it out. Take it for a spin! Do something! Before I run out of clichés.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is so wrong.” Danny shook his head as he took a good look at his present.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what makes it so right.” Tani said as she circled their former leader. “I might even take a turn or two.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You might?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I’ve got some things to get off my chest, too. Your therapist is awesome.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny sobered and replied. “We’ll see.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? Cat got your tongue? It’s Steve…yet not Steve. But I get it, stage fright is understandable.” Tani said. She waved at the grouchy likeness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stage fright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I won’t listen. Take him to your office. Close the blinds.” She stopped, hand covering her mouth as she snickered. “That sounded kinda dirty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny grabbed the cardboard Steve and headed for his office, limping awkwardly. Junior jumped out of his way and said. “I’m not even going to ask what that’s about. He okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come here.” Tani answered. She took Junior’s hand and pulled him into her lair. “Let’s give Danny some alone time with the boss.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny stared into the eyes of the cardboard Steve. He laughed and rolled up his sleeves, glancing over his shoulder. No one was watching.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t believe I’m gonna do this.” He muttered and took a deep breath. “I miss you, you Neanderthal.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The silence was deafening, but what did he expect? He had to get over himself. Clearing his throat, Danny laid his cane on his desk. He was tired of hurting, physically and mentally. He worried that being stuck with this anger was slowing down his healing. Maybe the shrink was right. He needed to let it all out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He giggled and said. “It feels weird, talking to you like this, babe. Tani outdid herself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sliding his hands into his pockets, he rocked on his heels. His knee did not approve of this movement, and he cringed, steadying himself with a hand on his desk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I get why you had to leave. Okay? I do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words felt wrong. They’d lost their meaning over the last month and some odd days. He’d been lying to everyone, including himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you know what? I don’t get it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frowning, Danny studied the fake Steve. Blue shirt. Cargo pants. Black shoes<strong>.</strong> Arms crossed with that practiced, stern look. He couldn’t remember when this picture was taken. It had been Tani’s doing. Danny didn’t take many pictures of Steve in work attire. That’s what this was. Steve’s uniform. Utilitarian. Comfortable. Functional. No weapons visible, but Danny knew Steve carried at least one knife on his person at all times. Maybe a small firearm on his ankle. Hell, he could have a grenade in his pocket for all Danny knew. After ten years, Steve still never failed to surprise him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That’s what this was all about. Surprise. Shock at his leaving. Danny knew his best friend needed some time away. It was the timing that threw him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You couldn’t have waited another week?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A familiar feeling of frustration and aggravation rose in his chest, and he just started talking. Everything else fell away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A day would have made a difference.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I needed you, Steve. You. Not anyone else.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All the times I was there for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I stayed on this rock for you. I coulda gone back to Jersey.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t think I deserve peace, too? Huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny took a deep breath, hand covering his face. His next words were softer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s always about you. You’ve led such a terrible life. Nobody’s been through the shitter worse. Poor Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny kicked the cardboard and lost his balance a bit when the fake Steve fell into him. They danced for a few seconds, as Danny fought to right the cardboard man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do I need to rattle off all the jacked up things that have happened to me? Huh? Because I can. I carry some heavy shit, too. Hell, I’m not even talking about what I carry for you. So fuck you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His next words were a litany of his own traumas.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My best friend died when I was a kid. And you teased me for not liking the ocean.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My partner died right beside me. And there was nothing I could do but watch.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My ex took my kid 5000 miles and I left everything behind.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My brother was stuffed into a barrel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I missed the first three years of my little boy’s life.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was shot during quarantine for a deadly virus.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My daughter almost died in a car crash.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was kidnapped and shot. “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny stopped, out of breath.  He didn’t add <em>because of you</em> but he thought it. He knew that’s why Steve left so quickly. Guilt had pushed his quest for peace. That didn’t quell Danny’s anger though. Right then, he had more bubbling up, and he had to say it before exhaustion overtook him. Bent over, hands on his thighs, Danny shook with his next words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I gave you half my liver. And you mocked me. You stole all of my cards and flowers and thought it was hilarious. Then you said my son would hate me. Who does that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I went to North Korea and Afghanistan to save your ass. God, I’d do anything for you. Like crash a fucking plane onto a beach so you wouldn’t drown!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He straightened and got close to cardboard Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you leave me when I need you the most!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and collapsed onto his couch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God, I hate being pissed at you. You’re my best friend. What the fuck were you thinking?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What is Danny doing?” Hands on his hips, face screwed up with confusion and amusement, Lou couldn’t hold back his question. He’d just returned with lunch. He handed the kids cups of coffee.  “Who’s he talking to? Not Steve, I hope.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, he’s talking to Steve.” Tani’s smile was thin but there. There was a hint of mischief under her feigned seriousness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit no. You can’t let him. He’ll – he’s gonna –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Say something he’ll regret?” Junior butted in, grabbing Lou’s arm as he lurched toward Danny’s office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani put herself in Lou’s path, too. “Yea, we thought of that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou was slightly horrified. He looked between the pair, shaking his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then what are you two doing standing here?” Lou pushed them out of the way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop, Lou, don’t go in there.” Tani snapped at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gave her the stink eye but did as she asked. “And why the hell not?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s not really talking to Steve. I mean, he is but he isn’t.” She explained. “It’s homework.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He is but he isn’t? I’ve gotten more intelligent answers from my teenage kids lying to me about curfew. Care to explain, rookie?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rookie?” Tani scowled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You heard me, sister.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior turned so they couldn’t see him crack up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani took a deep breath. “Danny is yelling at a picture of Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A what?” Lou asked. He was confused and turned to Junior. “A picture? You’re involved with this, too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He had things to say.” Junior replied with a shrug. He glanced at Tani for help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She added. “This way he gets them out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Without possibly ruining the best relationship in his life. Sir.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou wrinkled his nose at them. “You two ain’t right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, unconventional times call for unconventional measures.” Tani held her head up, proud. “He needs this. Plus it’s a therapy thing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Therapy? This doesn’t look like any therapy I’ve been through.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior and Tani exchanged a look. An awkward silence fell for a few seconds. No one liked to talk about therapy even though they all needed it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou cleared his throat and asked. “So this picture of Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Life-sized cutout.” Tani replied, grin splitting her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou raised an eyebrow. “Life-sized?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> She moved for a better angle of Danny’s office and pointed. “Look closer. See?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leaning in a far corner was Steve. Tani drank from her coffee, watching as Lou took in the sight of Danny having a conversation with a cardboard Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, you got Danny a Flat Steve?” Lou asked and then chuckled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani choked on her sip of coffee. “What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Flat Steve.” Lou replied, pleased with himself. “You two never heard of Flat Stan?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Both Junior and Tani answered at the same time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s a kid thing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani was already scrolling through search engine results on her cell and laughing. “Oh this is good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She showed Junior her screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have plans for Flat Steve.” She said. Her grin was devilish and contagious. Junior pulled her closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou shook his head. “Like I just said – you two ain’t right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks, as always, for reading. Steve will appear in the next chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve slapped for his phone as it buzzed from the nightstand. The room was dark; he hadn’t meant to nap this long. The air was thick with the smell of the ocean. Waves crashed. The water was unsettled, like it was chewing on a nagging problem. He wouldn’t be able to swim with such a strong current, but if someone was calling this early, they likely had a case.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hit speaker phone. “McGarrett.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uncle Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sweet voice echoed as if from a well, disorienting him. He rubbed his eyes as he stared at the caller ID, vision blurred from sleepy eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uncle Steve, are you there?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He swam back to reality. He wasn’t on Oahu. There wasn’t a case. “Gracie?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sounded impossibly grown up and worried about him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He cleared his throat, but again couldn’t speak. He felt a ton of bricks on his chest. He hadn’t told her goodbye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did I wake you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Scratching his head, he shook the last tendrils of sleep from his mind. He needed to focus. This was Grace. One of his most important people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, but that’s okay. I always have time for you, sweetie.” He smiled at her worry now. She reminded him of her dad. Danny – he suddenly thought of Danny, and everything went white for a few seconds before he blurted. “Everything alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve sat up in bed, more awake now. He needed an answer. Sweat ran down the back of his neck. It was suddenly muggy and hot in his room, and this house only had ceiling fans. <em>Who rented a place without AC?</em> A masochist like him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danno’s fine, Uncle Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grace read his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s good.” Steve replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine as he can be.” She said with a huff.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Wait.</em> His breath caught.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t worry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t worry?” He repeated her words without thinking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s getting therapy. He promised. Plus Uncle Lou’s making him go for work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Relief washed over him like the first cold wave. Therapy was good. Steve knew he needed it, too. He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t. Grace’s next words hit him hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uncle Steve, why is Danno upset with you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gracie, he told you that?” Steve picked up his phone and held it to his ear. Somehow Grace felt closer. He wanted to hug her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. He didn’t have to. Every time I mention your name, he changes the subject.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Closing his eyes, he fought for control. Danny being difficult aggravated him. He didn’t want to say anything he’d regret. This was Grace – Danny’s precious daughter. She would always be a kid in his mind. Didn’t matter that she was in college and living on her own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s complicated, Grace.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He could hear her eye roll in the groan she gave him. “That’s what Danno says when he doesn’t want to tell me something. Like with my mom. I ask if they’re together again, and I get - it’s complicated, Grace. Blah, blah, blah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve almost laughed at her impersonation of her dad as he climbed out of bed to look out the window.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Grace.” He didn’t get a chance to finish his thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll save you the trouble, Uncle Steve. I don’t know what’s happened. But I know it’s a lot. Dad’s stubborn.” She paused. “More stubborn than you. He won’t tell me anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Grace, wait.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She cut him off. “I saw the crime scene photos. I saw my dad’s blood and the dead men.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You what?” Steve asked, heart in his throat. He might have puked if he’d eaten anything since the day before. He had to grab hold of the nearest thing, which was a wicker chair near the window. It didn’t take his weight and slid. He almost fell. “How did you-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grace continued undeterred. Like this was a normal, everyday topic. Her dad’s blood. A crime scene where he’d been held captive. The bodies of the guys who hurt him. Steve’s head spun. He strained to focus on her words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Someone leaked them online. I saw everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fuck.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He said it out loud. Grace didn’t react. She kept talking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, they were on some sub forum on reddit. Will found them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will saw them, too. Steve leaned on the window sill and pressed his face against the glass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Grace, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wasn’t your fault. You saved his life. If you hadn’t found him when you did –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have seen that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know what you and my dad do for a living, Uncle Steve.” She answered, adding. “I’m not a kid.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know you’re not a kid, Grace. If your dad finds out about this…” A crush of emotion assaulted him. He had to sit down. The wicker chair protested but held him. “Does Danno know you saw those pictures?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sound she made gave Steve a smile of relief and fondness. He loved her attitude, her courage. And they shared an understanding about Danny. One that came from loving a man who was prone to emotional outbursts because he felt so deeply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you know me at all?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This came felt like an accusation. One he deserved. He hadn’t spoken to Grace in months. But that happened when kids grew up. He knew this. He’d read about it in a parenting book Danny kept in the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grace kept scolding him. “Do you think I’m crazy? Why would I tell Danno?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve felt like she’d slapped him, yet he welcomed the rebuke. Was thankful for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed and said. “Good, that’s good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know what’s going on between you two.” She repeated her earlier thought and added. “You better fix this, Uncle Steve. And soon. I gotta go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>How could he tell her how badly he wanted to fix this?  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She ended the call before Steve could say anything more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve hadn’t looked at the crime scene photos. Lou had handled most of the paperwork. It helped give him a clean break. He’d rescued his friend, captured the perpetrator and then, he’d left the island. Taking the emotion out of it made it easy. Clinical. Like the rest of his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No messy explanations. No tense meetings with the governor or DA.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No watching Danny struggle yet again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But now, he had to see the photos. Steve needed to know how much Grace had seen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He would erase them. Expunge them from existence. No assholes on reddit had the right to comment on them. His team wasn’t fodder for crime porn. He’d have – he stopped – brain slamming into a brick wall. Another tragedy. Another loss. Toast.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But this loss hadn’t hit him the hardest. It wasn’t his burden to carry like a lead weight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny had blamed himself for the loss of their hacker-informant turned friend turned millionaire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He thought about Danny’s losses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His partner, Grace.</p>
<p>Meka.</p>
<p>Mattie.</p>
<p>Toast.</p>
<p>His Marshall friend, killed by Rick Peterson.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny knew loss, too. He knew pain. <em>Why was he still a cop? </em>He’d taken it all in stride. Tucking the hurt into some hidden corner of his memory. He was just as good compartmentalizing. <em>How else did he keep going?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve thought back to Danny wanting to retire. He’d teased him about it. Mostly because he didn’t want his partner to leave him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And yet Steve had done just that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d left Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And it hit Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were so entwined now. This ohana he’d created where he’d had none. How could he run from them? He’d convinced himself it was because he didn’t want to hurt them. Yet, the damage was already done. Years ago. He’d let people into his life and they got hurt. That’s how the story went.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But no – this was the wounded child talking. Steve had built a life. Something he was proud of and treasured. A prize for all those years of isolation and hiding behind classified this or that. He’d fooled himself into believing he’d outgrown those demons.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, he was running. Like his mother had done. To protect her family. He was acting like Doris. Steve fell to his knees. He understood why she left. Why she barely stayed around. Why she’d hurt him and Mary and dad. She thought they were better off. That she could protect them by leaving. Like he was doing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the end, his mother’s choice had screwed them up worse. Her trail of lies had never brought her back home. They never saved anyone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All she had to do was get on a damn plane. No questions. If she’d just come home. For good. All would have been forgiven.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he so badly wanted to be forgiven.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Steve wasn’t ready to go home. Not quite.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey Tani.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His phone had become grand central. Steve didn’t mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey yourself, McGarrett.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wasn’t sure he liked the edge in her voice. Or that she referred to him by his last name.<em> Was this a cry for help or was she pissed at him? </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everything okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Peachy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve relaxed a little. She wasn’t in danger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How’s Danny?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. It was a default question, and lately he had a talent for making awkward conversations even more awkward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s currently yelling at you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not the answer Steve expected.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, not you per se.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok,” Steve replied. He couldn’t help himself. He laughed before adding, “Care to elaborate?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope. I’ve already said too much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani hung up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve stared at his phone, squinting in disbelief. Nose wrinkled. Took him a few seconds to process what had just happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>While technology kept him in touch and made him feel like he wasn’t 5000 miles away, he may as well have been blasted into outer space. He had no idea what was happening back on Oahu. And he wasn’t gonna lie – it bugged him. The need to know. He hadn’t expected he’d care so much. The space was supposed to give him freedom. But all he wanted to do was call everyone he knew and get the details.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Control freak.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He whipped around, half expecting Danny to be standing there grinning. Wasn’t the first time either. Hallucinating his partner seemed to be a regular thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve needed to lay off the alcohol. It was messing with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou watched the two young ones leave the office, arm in arm. They didn’t have regrets and sorrows piled up like kindling, threatening to set fire to their sanity. He knew the line Danny walked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I feel better,” Danny replied. He studied the floor for a second and added, “Yea, I really do. Thanks to Tani and this silly thing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Both men shook their heads at Flat Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good, I’m glad.” Lou smiled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know I’m not done with therapy, but I’m good. Thank you for pushing me to go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, this is all you, man. Give yourself the credit. You wanna say those things to his actual face?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sometimes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The subject needed changing. Lou nodded and sighed, “You hungry? Because I could eat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, I just wanna sleep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure?” Lou chewed on his lip for a second. He didn’t want to push, but he continued. “I bet some garlic shrimp would hit the spot. We can call ahead and order some take out. Go back to the house and find a movie to watch?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you’re hungry, Lou, just say so. You’re my ride. I’m kinda at your mercy.” Danny shrugged with an easy smile. “Honestly, though, I should eat something before I take my meds.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi. Sorry to interrupt.” Tani appeared out of nowhere. She flitted into the office and grabbed Flat Steve. “I have some therapy of my own,” she paused, “if you’re finished with him, that is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, by my guest.” Danny waved at her, giggling. “Take him home with you for all I care.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He winced at his tone and choice of words. Tani didn’t seem to notice. She replied, “Oh, I intend to do more than that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou moved out of her way as she manhandled Flat Steve, so she could easily carry him. He raised an eyebrow at her and said, “I’m not even gonna ask.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t look behind you but little sistah has McGarrett with her.” Kamekona frowned as he added. “He’s made of cardboard.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny closed his eyes and sighed. He didn’t look, but Lou did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That girl,” Lou laughed. “She ain’t right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did she bring him here?” Danny asked. He didn’t really want to know. He just wanted to eat. The smell of food and the fresh air had stirred his appetite. Which was good. He’d lost fifteen pounds since he’d been kidnapped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe she thought he’d get lonely?” Lou deadpanned and watched her. “She’s taking pictures.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like Flat Stan.” Danny groaned. “Just what we need. Pictures of Steve in compromising positions.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou squeezed his shoulder, giving a reassuring smile. “Just go with it, man. This is her therapy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve’s phone buzzed. He cracked one eye open to check the screen. A text from Tani. It was 7pm on Oahu. 1am where he was. She disregarded time zones like Danny ignored personal space.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a yawn, he propped himself up on his elbow and opened the text.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the hell?” he asked the emptiness of the dark room.  He laughed and studied the picture she sent. It was him at the shrimp truck. But not really him. It looked like a life-sized cardboard cutout. Steve shook his head. Only Tani.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He remembered when she’d taken that picture. It was an early morning. A Saturday. Danny had been in Jersey. Tani had been hiding from an oppressive heatwave, lurking in her office since her place didn’t have working AC. He had no excuse for being there. Except that he was lonely and prowling because he missed Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But why was the picture now blown to life size and standing at Kamekona’s?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He typed a reply. “I’m not even going to ask.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her response was immediate. An emoji wearing sunglasses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This had become code for Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everything okay?” He texted back. “Worried now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He got another picture of his fake self from a different angle.  In the background, he could see Danny. Probably ordering. Balancing on his cane. Lou grinning beside him, big hand on his shoulder. Leaning in like they were sharing a joke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve’s eyes watered, and a deep loneliness settled in his chest, squeezing the air from his lungs. He could taste the shrimp, hear the laughter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I miss you, too. All of you.” He replied with clumsy fingers and then traced the screen, making the picture larger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny. Still looking haggard. Tired and too thin. But there was something different in his best friend’s eyes that gave Steve hope. He hadn’t completely screwed things up. Danny’s smile looked genuine. He was happy. And that was all Steve needed to know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He exited the app and muted his notifications. He needed to sleep. He was too far away. Everything could wait til morning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is an odd sort of interlude. I wasn't sure I'd include some of the sections. Steve isn't dealing well, and Danny is trying to move on with the help of the team. For each of them, the past - and their feelings - are tough to escape.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The person he cared most about in the world.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve vomited into the toilet. Its cool porcelain a balm to his feverish frame. He shivered in the sticky heat. The bathroom foggy from his shower. He’d been swimming in the tempestuous ocean. The Atlantic waters so different than his Hawaiian home. He’d been tossed about just as his thoughts tumbled now. Dredging up memories that materialized and rippled through him as waves of nausea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He needed to sleep. The distance to his bed stretched in a funhouse sort of way, adding to his queasiness. Dry heaves took over his body, and he was helpless as he retched nothing into the bowl. The last time he’d been this sick, it was a spell leftover from his radiation exposure. Somehow, Danny had found him on the bathroom floor. Helped him bathe and crawl into bed. Steve had little memory of that night. Except that when he woke, Danny was beside him in, holding his hand. Danny had fallen asleep sitting up, propped with a pile of pillows. They’d never spoken about it. Work had picked up, and time had stretched them to their limits. They each went their own ways. Looking over their shoulders. Steve flaunted his dates while hovering at a distance waiting for Danny to need him. The reverse had happened. Steve had needed Danny. He just didn’t understand how much until he almost lost his best friend. Again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thoughts swirled again, and the dizziness returned. Steve sobbed and begged for it to stop. <em>What had he done? Could he ever go back? Had he caused more damage by leaving?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve had never been seasick. He supposed now he was landsick. Homesick. And drowning in regret.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>God, he missed his best friend. He hated his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Get up, you animal. You can do it.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve realized his Danny voice was right. He sat up and took a few breaths. No more puke. He shut the toilet lid and flushed before sitting on the seat. Leaning over, he filled a paper cup with water. Sipping and swishing before spitting into the sink. He took a hesitant drink and sighed with relief when the water tasted good and stayed down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He could make it to bed. One step at a time, he trudged from the bathroom. No more quicksand. He felt steady. Thankful when his head hit the pillow and he blacked out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny stretched out on the couch. Eddie had disappeared an hour ago. Probably on Steve’s bed. Somehow they’d switched places. The TV played an old football game, and the endless parade of infomercials made him rather misty. But he didn’t regret a bit of what he felt. Ten long years. <em>Where did the time go?</em> He closed his eyes and let himself drift, listening to the waves. Sleeping wasn’t difficult for him anymore, but it was all about location. Lately, he could only catch an adequate amount of sleep on this old couch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His phone buzzed on the coffee table. “Williams. Hey Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I need you to come into the office. Be Jerry for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you just call me Jerry?” Danny asked. He laughed as he scratched his chin. Lou was the best with the jokes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou replied, feigning seriousness, “Hey, if the shoe fits. You know how to use the computer stuff.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?” Danny giggled. “Me? I’m your computer geek?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The noise brought Eddie to his side. Danny sat up, giving his new best friend room to join him on the couch. The sound of Lou laughing made him feel warm. He took few things for granted. He was still in the afterglow of being kidnapped and shot. Even months later. He waited for Lou’s comeback.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Better than me, man. I’ve barely mastered TV remotes, and you’re still on desk duty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ouch. Way to hit a man while he’s down, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop,” Danny sighed. His friends were still too careful around him. “Be right there. Not like I have big plans.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He ended the call before giving Eddie a good scratch behind the ears, “Guess you’re on your own for a few hours, buddy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>I won’t leave you forever. </em>Danny caught himself thinking. He put his hand on the door after he turned the key and took a deep breath before heading for the truck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Junior!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frantic, Tani’s voice echoed in his ears. Danny leaned on the Smart Table, heart pounding. He felt helpless, impotent, standing there in the empty office. He listened and tracked their movements, offering any logistical help he could. Tethered by an earpiece and phone tracking apps. Their suspect had evaded their dragnet, stealing a car and ditching it just as fast.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tani, don’t go in there!” Lou scolded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny listened over the comms. He itched to be out there with his team. “Sit rep! Now!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All he heard for a few seconds was crackling. The wind blowing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s happening guys? Talk to me.” Danny barked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Junior went into the canal.” Lou’s voice was steady. Like he was reading the news.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit,” Danny said and banged on the Smart table. “Is he okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou replied, “He’s fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Junior?” Tani’s voice was still uncertain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m okay.” Junior’s voice broke up but it was there. “I’ve got him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t care about that asshole.” Tani’s voice cut through the comms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny and Lou both read her mind. Danny spoke first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stay outta that water, Tani.” Danny growled. “That’s an order.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou added, “That’s right, Tani. I second that order. Don’t go in there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine. Coming out.” Junior said. “I’m good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ll see about that.” Tani answered. Her earwig cut out. Danny cringed at her anger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We got him, Danny.” Lou reassured. “Junior’s making the hand off to HPD. We’ll be back to headquarters soon.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny closed his eyes. He’d been here before. “Make sure Junior’s shots are up to date. No telling what’s in that water.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“On it, boss,” Junior said, ever the trooper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Boss. Not sir. Danny laughed and closed down the comms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frozen, Tani sat in the chair by the water. The breeze tossed her hair, blowing it into her eyes and then lifting it away. On a loop. All she noticed was her steady breath. In. Out. Counting slowly. Deliberately. Her vision had tunneled so much that she really wasn’t seeing at all. She’d spent the evening crying next to a dead to the world Junior. Now filled with antibiotics, a tetanus shot and pain meds, he slept. She was jealous of his oblivion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The back door slapped softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She waited. They’d sat out here together in silence every night this week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s too much.” She whispered as he settled into the chair next to her. His movements still awkward and slow. Layers of injuries plagued him. She winced before he did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know.” He leaned forward, hands sliding to his knees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t want to do anything else, but-“ Her voice trailed off. Shaking her head, she sighed. “This job takes everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey.” Danny reached out and put his hand over hers. Tani had moved the chairs closer together. “Junior’s tough. He’ll be fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. But will I be fine?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s something you have to decide.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How did you do it all these years?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me?” Danny stalled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani gave him half a smile. Mentioning Steve hurt everyone. “You and Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She said it like it was an everyday thing. The two of them were a couple even if they’d never named it. Everyone felt it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me and Steve?” He deflected out of habit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All the stunts he pulled?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Past tense, like there’d be no more stunts. No more Steve in their present or future.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He chuckled. “Therapy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She raised her eyebrows, considering his answer. “Therapy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can get you a Flat Junior.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She fought her giggle. Not ready to change her mood. But Danny was contagious. “That is so wrong. On so many levels.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, you got Flat Steve for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s scared me twice now. I thought someone was in the office.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What were you doing there alone?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fond concern in Danny’s voice made her chest hurt. He was such a good guy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“While Junes runs or goes to class. Sometimes I work on paperwork.” She shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t know. You should have asked me to help.” He squeezed her hand. “I’ve been told I’m good company.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani nodded, “Uh huh. Sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were quiet for a minute. Then Danny said. “Steve did the same thing as Junior once. I had flashbacks listening over the comms.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He jumped into the canal?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yup. Gave himself a tetanus shot in the middle of the office.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She raised her eyebrows. “Did you offer to help?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny ducked his head. Even in the dim light from the house, she could tell he was blushing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani saved him. “I mean, he’s an idiot. I’m sure you’ve wanted to torture him plenty over the years.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“More than you know, babe. More than you know.” Grateful for the dodge, Danny smiled. Then he kept talking. “I never wanted this life. I wanted to be a detective. Solve crimes. Help people. Dodging bullets and jumping off buildings, no.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jumping off buildings?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And outta perfectly good airplanes strapped to the nutjob.” Danny picked at the peeling paint on the chair. Steve would kill him if he caught him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jerry told me about that one. You guys defused a dirty bomb?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve almost ruined my liver.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He loves you, Danny.” Tani held her breath for a few seconds, cringing at her boldness. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right.” Danny cleared his throat. “I love him, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Does he know that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We say it all the time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean really know.” She pushed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tell him.” Tani urged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not the kind of thing you say over video chat or text.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, but right now, it’s all you got.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny’s head spun. He had to sit down. Almost slipped off the corner of the bed. He’d come upstairs to hide. Talking to Tani had opened some wounds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was watching a repeat of himself and Steve play out in slow motion with Tani and Junior. Same dance. Except – and this was what gave Danny the most pause – except he and Steve weren’t having sex. And this bothered him. Which confused him and  - it was just too much to process.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A roar of laughter and catcalls reminded him the team was downstairs watching a game. Junior was with them. The kid got his second wind faster than Steve ever did. This frightened Danny. He didn’t want to be responsible for something happening to Junior because he couldn’t wrangle him. He didn’t know if he had it in him anymore. He couldn’t imagine how Tani felt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yet he could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d watched Steve throw himself around like it meant nothing for 10 years. It tore him apart every time. Even when he pretended it didn’t matter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>And what had Steve done?</em> He’d run when he come close to losing Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This pissed Danny off. Making him angry all over again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stuck his fist in his mouth and bit down. He wanted to scream and punch something. This bullshit came in waves and he wanted to be done with it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yo Danny.” Lou called from the stairs. “You coming back down? Don’t make me come up there. Cause these old legs will make me pay for climbing the steps.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rolling his eyes, Danny regrouped. Lou had a bottle of Scotch. 6 years old. A bittersweet anniversary. Lou joining Five-0. They’d missed the official date because of Danny’s kidnapping and Steve leaving. Now, Lou was hellbent on celebrating with Danny here in this house with the ghost of Steve. The man who brought them all together. He laughed and thought it was too bad Flat Steve was still at the office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Have you thought about why you’re not video calling Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Danny replied, a twinge of annoyance in his voice to cover his shock. He’d swear the team was conspiring against him where Steve was concerned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He said he hadn’t seen you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re talking to Steve?” Again an abrupt retort and a stall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou laughed.  Danny frowned and crossed his arms over his chest and then changed position when pain flared on his left side. His range of motion was not 100%.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, to answer your question.” Danny replied after a few seconds. “We text or talk on the phone. Nothing fancy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t want to see him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why would I need to see him? It’s not like we’re dating.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You just said need instead of want, and yes, you two are dating. Or you were.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Danny grabbed the bottle of Scotch. “I’m cutting you off.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you won’t.” Lou said with a broad smile, as he leaned back against the couch, arms spread across the back. “I’m a grown man. I can call an Uber, and that’s my booze we’re drinking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve stroked himself. He’d awakened rock hard from the wisp of a dream, comforter tossed off the bed, sheet entangled around his legs. So hard it hurt, and he squeezed his dick to counter the intense sensation. He craved a warmth so slick and wet. Solid muscle under his fingertips. Pulsing heat inside him. He held his breath. It wasn’t Catherine he’d been dreaming about. He quickened his pace to cloud the subject with immediate pleasure. Milking himself dry as the orgasm hit, cresting like a wave and pulling him under. Any cares in his world were erased as he sank back into blessed darkness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An hour later, a beam of sunlight cut through his sleep like a laser. Frowning, he covered his eyes and pulled the sheet up. Only to find a sticky mess on his belly and a cool slick on the mattress.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dream and its aftermath came crashing back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Shit. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t want to think about Danny. Especially not that way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They’d become so close over the years. Feelings of friendship often intermingled with something else. Steve dared call it love. And not the kind of platonic love that felt safe and accepted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It happened sometimes. Familiarity didn’t breed contempt. It created something scarier and more volatile. A closeness so difficult to explain it took on a life of its own. Missions and partnerships led to relationships that looked so foreign to outsiders. People they worked with labeled behavior in ways they could understand. Making jokes about marriage and lover’s spats, never knowing just how much those things might be achingly out of reach.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Memories made Steve twitch. He didn’t appreciate the assumptions. Not because he was embarrassed, but because he’d pushed his feelings into compartments, and with each dig at him and Danny, he longed to be honest. To be free.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mornings like this he fooled himself. It was lust. Deep, juicy and maddening. It couldn’t be anything more than that. He couldn’t allow the truth to get out. Even though deep down he knew it was useless to pretend. Daiyu Mei had taken the person he cared about most in the world. Steve struggled with what that truly meant.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gathering the sheet around his waist, Steve tore it from the bed and shuffled to the bathroom. He needed a cold shower.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>First, he picked up his phone and studied the photos Tani’d sent. He pictured himself there, laughing and grabbing some beers to go with the garlic shrimp he knew Danny had ordered. It was a cop out, but the distance did give him an appreciation for daydreaming. Fantasies didn’t come with bullet wounds and blood.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s a knock and talk, Lou. Nothing else.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously now.” Lou leaned back in the chair. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that and then Steve blows up the whole block?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence fell between them for a hot second. Flat Steve loomed between them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny didn’t have the best comeback, so he stated the obvious. “I’m – uh – not Steve, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Didn’t say you were, now did I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then what?” Itching to get out of the office, Danny didn’t hide his impatience. “I’ll be back in an hour. Tani will come with.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We haven’t been having the best run of luck.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny frowned. He didn’t need a roadblock. “Care to elaborate?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well,” Lou paused before launching into his answer. “Junior took a header into the canal, and he’s out for two days waiting on blood tests and resting his fool head.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know you have more. Get on with it.” Danny waved at Lou.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Quinn crashed her vehicle into a construction barrier. Adam got sidelined with a concussion as a result. And Lincoln skedaddled as soon as he got the chance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And this affects me how?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re all I got left, man.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And Tani.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s only half here because Junior’s on the mend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, she’s fine. I had a chat with her last night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We haven’t been the same since we lost our lucky rabbit’s foot.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? Are you serious? Lucky rabbit’s foot?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou shrugged. So close to breaking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny laughed. “So he’s our lucky charm?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Something like that.” Lou replied. Then he shook his head. “Who am I kidding? Hell, we all need a vacation.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re not making any sense, Lou. You sure I’m the one who should be on desk duty?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This guy –“ Danny flicked Flat Steve. “He’s a trouble magnet. Always has been.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t Danny me. And stop looking at me like that while you’re at it.” Danny said, voice raised a bit. “You know it’s true. I kinda like the peace and quiet with him gone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which was total bullshit, and they both knew it. Danny shoved his hands in to his pockets. Lou took a deep breath, didn’t reply. <em>What could he say?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey.” Tani popped into the office, bouncing on her toes. “We ready to go?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If dad here says I can,” Danny replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh no you didn’t,” Lou said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If the shoe fits,” Tani answered. “Look at him. He’s ready. And I promise to take good care of him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sighing, Lou frowned. “Against my better judgment. And only because I promised Renee I’d have lunch with her today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right on.” She grinned before turning to Danny. “Toss me the keys.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a giggle, Danny wrapped his fingers around the key ring in his pocket. This all felt so familiar, yet new at the same time. <em>Would he ever drive his car?</em> “Do you mean my keys?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She held out her hand and tapped her foot. “Come on. You haven’t let me drive your new baby yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please don’t make me regret it, you two.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ll be fine, Lou. Go enjoy some quality time with Renee.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Quality time.” Tani fake coughed into her hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny fist bumped her and wiggled his eyebrows. “Afternoon delight.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go on. Make jokes, you two. We’ll just see if I sign off on your expense reports.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani rolled her eyes. “Jeez, it was so much easier when Steve was here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Three hours later…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, how’s it feel? To be out here. You know, on the mean streets,” Tani asked before flipping up the lid on her coffee and giving it a tentative sniff.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny waved his hands. “Hey, whoa. Nope. Don’t even go there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” She blurted, almost spilling coffee on herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“First of all. These are not mean streets. You want mean streets, come with me to Jersey some time. You can do a ride along with a buddy of mine,” Danny answered, motioning to her drink. “Second and most important. You don’t trust me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raising an eyebrow, she studied him for a second. “Oh I trust you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then what?”  Danny bit his lip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I trust you to put salt in my coffee. Or worse.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny giggled. “Salt?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve warned me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You wouldn’t smell it if I did.” Danny turned in his seat to get a better look at her. For the first time in a while, he didn’t care if she mentioned Steve. “And the animal did it to me. Not the other way around.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani laughed. “I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then why would you think I would prank you?” He asked. “You think I’d stoop to his level?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny looked almost hurt, but his eyes told the truth. He was enjoying the banter. It felt good to kid someone. Wasn’t quite cargument level, of course, but it was something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know?” She sniffed her coffee again before taking a sip. She smiled and nodded. “Mmm...hmmm.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See? It’s perfect.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani replied, “Yes, it is. Wow.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like I’d give you shitty coffee. It’s practically a religious experience. Not something to be toyed with.” He smacked her arm before settling back in his seat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was just messing with you.” She sighed. “Stakeouts are boring.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not a stakeout. We’re waiting to talk to our witness. That’s why they call it a knock and talk.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We knocked. He wasn’t there. Can’t we leave him a note? He is just a witness, after all.”  Extra petulant, she checked her phone before hugging herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny knew her mood shift was about more than boring stakeouts and missing witnesses.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey,” he said. “Junior will be ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Will he? He told me I worry too much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Closing his eyes, Danny shook his head. He wasn’t in the mood for this conversation. Tani grabbed her coffee and took a big gulp, scowling at the heat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Slow it down.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure thing, dad.” Tani rolled her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re breaking the cardinal rule of stakeouts.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?” She relaxed a little, but raised an eyebrow at him. “The cardinal rule of stakeouts? What exactly is that? Don’t bore your partner to death?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, this is serious.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sure it is. Spit it out. What’s the cardinal rule of stakeouts?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Limit your fluid intake.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani nestled her mug back into the cup holder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s probably already too late.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop.” She slapped his leg.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey wanna hike to that waterfall?” Danny grinned, his eyes twinkling. “I can’t remember what it was called but there was a lot of…water…falling.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Waterfall? What?” Tani paused, wrinkling her nose when she got it. “You suck!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re too easy.” Danny told her. He pointed toward the street corner ahead of them. “There’s a friendly bathroom over there. They’ll let you use the john at the surf shop. I didn’t bring any mayonnaise jars.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mayonnaise? I don’t get it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He waved an empty water bottle at her. “Think about it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She frowned. “Ew gross. You men are so…gross. I’ll just hold it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t have to hold it. Big Wave Surf has a nice bathroom.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I suppose that’s another rule.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And what is the rule exactly?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Know your bathrooms and coffee shops.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I’m gonna go test out your rule then. Big Wave here I come.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You do that.” Danny sipped his coffee, scanning the street and sidewalk around them. Waikiki was rather subdued that day with rain threatening. It was almost eerie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright. I’ll be back,” Tani said, annoyed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bring some snacks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a second, he thought she’d slam the door, but she stuck to protocol. Not drawing attention to them. Danny really liked Tani. He was continually impressed with her growing skills as a detective, and she was a good friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny pushed back his seat and relaxed for a few seconds. He felt like a cop again. He was doing actual detective work. Running down leads. Questioning witnesses and suspects without breaking their arms. His old body couldn’t handle taking up the McGarrett mantle. Tedious procedures and dull stakeouts were fine with him. But not his fidgety, thirsty carmate. Tani had been thrilled to drive his brand spanking new Camaro until she found out what they were doing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He dared say he was content in that moment. Happy had become a bad word, but Danny had to admit he was feeling better. Thankful to be back at work. Even the coffee tasted better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then all hell broke loose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Their witness emerged from a coffee shop just south of Tani’s bathroom spot. Danny sent her a quick text but he realized she was already on the guy, shouting her credentials and giving chase. Out of instinct, Danny followed. Desk duty be damned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pumping his arms, feet pounding the pavement, he raced behind them. He was pleasantly surprised that he closed the distance. He’d been jogging more to build up his fitness. He-who-shall-not-be-named would be impressed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A clutch of tourists slowed them down, and he almost rejoiced. Until he saw it. Danny watched in horror as Tani pursued the idiot into afternoon traffic. Horns honked and people screamed. He kept going, dodging a bike messenger and finally coming within inches of Tani. Just in time to shove her out of the path of a car. Lucky for him, the driver slammed on their brakes. Not so lucky for him, the sedan still clipped him. He rolled up the hood and then onto the hot pavement, smacking his head. The world blinked out as Tani screamed his name.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yessss I'm leaving it there. No way could I write a fix-it without including some whump. DWOCD I hope you love it. More to come soon. I don't plan on leaving you all hanging...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Danny!” Tani screamed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She rippled into view as he squinted, mumbling. “You. Ok?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny hoped he’d spoken, that she could understand him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m ok. Thanks to you.” She held her head with one hand. Blood ran down her face. Tani reached for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Glad.” He said, words slurring. “You’re ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Glad you’re ok. Glad you’re ok</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words stuck in his head as his vision faded. He reached for her but realized he wasn’t moving at all. Panic sped up his heart, and he needed to roll over because he was going to puke. Pain spiked, and Danny passed out before he could do anything else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Liu shook his head as he glanced up from Danny’s chart. “He’s lucky. I’m advising Detective Williams stay overnight for observation. We’re waiting on some further test results, and I’d like to get a good look at his images before I release him. Frankly, he’s one lucky man.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clearing his throat, Lou interrupted. The doctor seemed to be locked in a loop. “You keep saying that, doc.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, it’s true. He’s damn lucky. This isn’t usually how man versus car ends up.” Dr. Liu referred once again to Danny’s history. “He’s post op – what – 9 weeks from a GSW?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, something like that.” Lou rubbed his hand on his pants. Time had lost all meaning as the weeks turn into months. They were all seemingly unmoored by recent events.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And he’s back to work?” The doctor asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not officially, no.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dr. Liu sighed. “Already chasing down perps. I’m not surprised about that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou stifled a chuckle, but didn’t add anything. <em>What could he say?</em> This hospital  - hell all the medical facilities on the island – knew Five-0 too well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sounds just like his partner. Say, where is Commander McGarrett? Those two are usually attached at the hip.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou answered, “He’s on the mainland attending to some business.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was thankful the doctor didn’t push for details before he left. Lou glanced through the open door. Danny was resting. Relishing the peace of the moment, Lou stood guard. He knew the second Tani was able, she’d make an appearance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re in big trouble, mister.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny drifted awake. Taking a nap had been a bad idea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Was he late for something?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Had he misfiled paperwork again?</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>He would admit to being a little rusty on his return to duty. Slow, distracted. Too eager to prove he was okay. No, he wasn’t supposed to ever admit any of that. So far he’d gotten away with sneaking quick little catnaps in his office with the blinds drawn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His vision focused, and a figure came into view. Their face contorted with a constipated frustration that was super familiar.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Steve?” Danny whispered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know damn well I ain’t that sorry SOB. He’s not this tan.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny grunted and rubbed his eyes, wincing at the effort. “Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There ya go. And stop that.” Lou said, as he calmed Danny. “Don’t be pulling on that IV. No need adding to your problems.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What - where?” Danny really wanted answers, though he couldn’t focus enough to form a complete thought. He felt like he’d been hit by a bowling ball. Lou’s rambling didn’t help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I told you this would happen. Knock and talk. God - don’t do that again. That’s not the call I wanna get. I thought this shit would be over when –“ Lou huffed rather than finish the thought. “Just - don’t do that again. You hear?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frowning, Danny dared not ask what he did this time. Pain crept over him. He knew he’d been injured. This was a trauma bay in the Queens ER and not the couch in his office. He remembered sitting in his new car. And then running down a crowded Waikiki sidewalk. Images ping-ponged inside his head, and he thought he might puke, so he just stopped thinking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was some sort of scuffle on the other side of the curtain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to see him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani. Out in the corridor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou leaned in. “You better prepare yourself. She’s worse than me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wha-?” Danny mumbled again, his brain too scrambled to process what Lou said. Neither man had the chance to do anything else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani blew into the room, curtain billowing in her wake. A tray of instruments clattered to the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God, are you alright? I thought you were dead.” Her eyes were wide, mouth open, breathing labored, cheeks flushed. There was a bruise blossoming on her jaw, scrapes on her arm. Worst of all, she’d been crying. Before Danny could ask her why, she rushed into his space and gently wrapped herself around him. “Don’t do that ever again or I’ll kill you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She kissed his cheek and pulled away. Lou ducked out of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You okay?” Danny asked. Throat raw.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frowning, she blurted. “Shut up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He flashed a smile and mouthed an okay. Tani nodded, processing his assent. Hands on her hips, she took a deep breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you remember?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Our witness.” Danny swallowed. He really wanted a drink of water. A sliver of ice would be heaven. Somehow it felt more important to make Tani happy, so he cleared his throat and licked his lips, adding. “I chased him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closed his eyes, still half out of it. A monster of a headache sat on him, making him nauseous. He fought the welcomed, inevitable return to unconsciousness. He couldn’t pass out yet. Not when he noticed Tani’s sad eyes hadn’t gotten any better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks to you.” She didn’t remind him he was repeating himself. She still wasn’t giving him a direct answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Me?” He was surprised.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She raised an eyebrow. “You pushed me out of the way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Uncomfortable with his sketchy memory, Danny decided to make a joke. “That sounds like something Steve would do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her face went blank, masking flames that flashed in her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You almost died.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine.” He winced, sitting up straighter with his aching back was a workout.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop it.” She warned. “You don’t get to pull that <em>I’m fine</em> bullshit with me. Not now. Not ever again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She poked him with her finger and pulled away before he could grab her hand. She sat on the nearest chair, doing what Danny knew to be a stress breathing technique. In for a count of four and out for the same.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok.” He zipped his mouth shut. He knew better to argue with her. Tani could be brutal. She once gave him a bruise and the worst charlie horse with one quick jab to his thigh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You weren’t supposed to be in the field. You promised me stakeouts were boring. And safe.” A frenzy crept into her voice as she fought through a surge of emotion. “You promised.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. Come here.” He held out his arms, pesky IV line stretching. Danny smiled. Another big rule in his life – always apologize to the women you care about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani slid her chair closer to Danny’s bed. “I can’t lose you, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took her hand when she offered and said with the best, most reassuring smile he could muster, “I’m okay. We’re both okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Some time later…same place…</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door opened, startling Tani. She’d fallen asleep in the recliner between concussion checks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you doing out of bed?” She asked the love of her life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Junior replied, mouth open in surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was on her feet, hands on her hips. “You heard what I said, mister.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny watched, happy to not be the center of attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior tried to match her scolding. “You were just – you almost -“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea well it wasn’t my fault. You jumped into the canal on purpose.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We were both doing our jobs.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The smirk she gave Junior showed no teeth, and pressed her lips into a thin line. She tilted her head and pinned him with a steady gaze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh so we’re going to debate this now?” Tani asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You started it.” Junior gave her a lopsided wrinkle of his nose and briefly resembled Elvis. He wasn’t ready for her to be so animated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Dude,” Danny interrupted. “You might wanna –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny was stopped by a hand in his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t have any room to talk.” Tani replied. “Seeing as how you just jumped in front of a car!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey…I saved –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani glared at Danny who barely refrained from giggling when Junior cracked up behind him. She whirled around. She had the hearing of a bat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you think this is funny, huh?” She sighed and closed her eyes. “I have the biggest idiot for a boyfriend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior moved in and went to hug her but didn’t, unsure about where to touch her. He replied. “I’m sorry. I am an idiot. You’re right. I have no excuse.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She softened and nodded. “Don’t do that again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I won’t.” Junior crossed his heart. He didn’t promise out loud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” She whispered and wrapped her arms around him, leaning in. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay. You’re okay.” Junior said. He caught Danny’s eyes and they shared a smile. Releasing Tani, he added, “Let’s go home. Danny needs some rest and so do you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani hung on for dear life. “You’re right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go home.” Danny interrupted the two love birds, his voice like gravel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She flinched, glancing between the two of them, torn. She handed Danny a cup of ice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks. No, go home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior straightened, his cheeks flushed a little. Danny could imagine how tough it was for Junior to show this softer side. If he was anything like Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve who should be there, like a grouchy guard dog.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With that thought, Danny was suddenly wiped out. He closed his eyes, almost drifting to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior nudged him with a question, knowing better than to actually touch Danny. “You need anything before we go?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, I’ll be fine. Besides, Lou’s still here somewhere.” Danny replied, rubbing his temples. He waved them off. “Go home. Take care of each other.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior nodded. “Copy that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou stepped off the elevator, hands in his pockets. His back ached and his feet hurt. He was too old for this shit, but with two kids in college, no way could he throw in the towel. Not yet. And the team needed him. His wife did not agree with this reasoning, though. Five-0 would always need him. The job would bleed him dry til he cracked up or broke down. Or worse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Truth was, he kept waiting for Steve to come home. For things to go back to normal. Every day, he hoped he’d get the call. But those words from Steve never came. The work, though, did not stop. The hits kept coming. Literally in this case. He needed to get a handle on the situation, put a lid on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiled when he noticed Tani and Junior leaving Danny’s room. Their energy and drive helped keep him going.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey kids, how’s Danny?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior stiffened, morphing into the SEAL he’d always be. “Hey sir…Lou.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thought you were with Renee in the cafeteria?” Tani frowned. “You were supposed to bring me a muffin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sadly, there were no muffins. Wrong shift.” Lou replied with a shrug. They’d been to this hospital too many times.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I really like those muffins.” Tani elbowed Junior who did not look amused. “Especially the blueberry ones.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sighing, Lou felt every one of his years. He wasn’t in the mood for banter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Listen, both of you, please do something for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. No muffins.” Tani looked at him like he’d popped her balloon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou shook his head. Tani and Junior couldn’t be more different. Junior was practically standing at attention. Tani rolled her eyes and tapped her foot. Reminding him very much of his daughter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m gonna say this once,” Lou said, face serious. “Do not call Steve. Do not email or text him either. And none of that Insta-Facebooking either.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What he’d hoped would draw a chuckle fell flat, so he added. “Hey, do you get me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Junior nodded. Tani’s nose twitched, as she hardened her frown.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s exactly what you were gonna do, isn’t it?” Lou shook his head, exhaling through his nose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now she glared at him, still not speaking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, do yourself a favor. Hell – do us all a favor. Especially Danny. Do not tell Steve about this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ll follow your lead.” Junior jumped in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With an exasperated puff of air, Tani replied. “Speak for yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou sighed, “Please do this for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He should know.” She hardened her stance. “It’s not right to keep it from him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I agree.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Slightly bewildered, Tani started, “Then – “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou cut her off. “I’ll tell him. Or Danny will.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right.” Tani blurted. “Danny’d die before telling Steve about this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She squirmed away from Junior, hugging herself. Lou felt for them. Even more than two years in, they were both still rookies to the emotional toll of this job. The ups and downs. Mostly the worst parts went sideways.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please, both of you, go home. Get some sleep. I’ll handle Danny and Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou closed the door behind him with a soft click. Danny had been waiting for him. Once the kids left, he knew he’d have more company. And he had a message to relay before it was too late.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny.” Lou smiled. “Good to see you awake. How’re you feeling?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do not tell the Neanderthal,” Danny said, arms crossed, frown lines blending with pain on his sweaty face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t worry. I’m on it.” Lou replied. He sat in the chair facing the door. “I spoke to Tani and Junior.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean it. I don’t want Steve to know.” Danny reached for his drink, but couldn’t quite get there. He sighed, but didn’t ask for help. “He already has enough on his mind.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou slid the cup of water closer, so Danny could reach it. “He really should know, Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny fought a tremor of discomfort. He slowed his breathing. He’d already lost too much of his composure. Knowing Lou was right didn’t make him feel better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why, huh?” Danny asked. “Why does he get to know this? I don’t even know where he is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou closed his eyes and took a deep, slow breath. He, too, was well versed in remaining calm. He could match Danny any day, but this game was getting old. “Look Danny, we’ve all been through a lot. I get it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clearing his throat, Danny took a sloppy sip of the water, spilling some of it. Lou sprang into action.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop. I can take care of myself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou threw his hands up and backed away. “Sure looks like it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine, Lou. He doesn’t need to know. If you tell him, he’ll rush back here. I-“ Danny paused and looked at the wet splotches on the front of his gown and bedding. “Sheesh, I’m a putz.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Here,” Lou said tossing a wad of paper towels at Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Lou. For everything. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You wanna thank me?” Lou made himself comfortable. “Tell him, Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny replied, “No, I don’t want to mess with his search for peace.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sinking into his covers, Danny didn’t look at Lou. His argument was tenuous at best, but he had a headache. The rest of him felt like - well – like he’d been hit by a car. He was done talking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, be honest with me about something.” Lou said. His voice was soft.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cracking one eye open, Danny listened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I gotta ask,” Lou took a deep breath. “This isn’t easy for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, Lou. Spit it out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you have a death wish? Did you –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Lou,” Danny answered, making sure he had solid eye contact. This affirmation wasn’t something you did as an afterthought. “I do not have a death wish. Where is this coming from?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou wet his lips, sucking in the bottom one for a second. He closed his eyes, piecing his thoughts together. Danny saved him the trouble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look, Tani was in danger. Should I have let her get hit by the car?” Shaking his head, Danny continued. “I reacted. It was instinct. Believe me, I won’t make it a habit. I’ll be feeling this for awhile.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You better not make this a habit. My old heart can’t take much more. I just –“ Lou was overcome with emotion. His eyes watered. “It’s been a long summer. You injured. Steve gone. I know you’re not eating. And the doc told me you’re dehydrated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m seeing a therapist. I have Flat Steve. The other stuff will work itself out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou smiled and stared into space for a few seconds. “That giant Steve has to go. I can’t tell you how many times it’s scared the shit outta me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They didn’t speak for a long minute. It was close to dinner. Dietary staff pushed carts passed Danny’s door. Danny rubbed his arm and picked at his IV. He couldn’t lie about not eating and drinking. The bloodwork had tattled on him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not fine, Lou. Okay. There I said it. But I’m better. I think I’m getting the hang of this. You know. No Steve. Not the getting injured every other week part.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That makes one of us. I miss McGarrett something terrible.” Lou looked down; the admission almost more than he could bear. “The others are the same. We’re in this together, Danny. We’ve got your back. Why that fool thinks he can find all the answers somewhere out there is beyond me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nodding Danny hoped the conversation was over, but then Lou added.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know he’s gonna kick your ass when he finds out about your little stunt, right?” Lou said, eyebrow raised.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure nobody told him yet?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope. Radio silence. That was my order.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I can’t guarantee it will hold.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Call him. I dare you.” Danny said. He glanced at the nightstand. “I’m not sure where my phone is but-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You serious?” Lou replied. “Call him now? You’re daring me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Surprise me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou wrinkled his nose and said, “Have to say, it feels kinda dirty to be between you two like this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on. There’s nothing to get between,” Danny replied, “I’m gonna take a nap. What you do while I’m asleep is none of my business. Update the animal before he comes back here guns blazing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey Tani.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her eyes watered at the sound of his voice. <em>God did she miss him.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry if I woke you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You did, but that’s okay.” Steve was honest with her. She liked that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know that time zone you’re in, so –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nice try. I bet Danny sent you to get my location.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not exactly,” Tani replied. Though it was a good idea. None of them knew where Steve was. “But you could tell me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve wasn’t that easy. Instead he asked, “What’s up?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just –“ She blanked and said the first thing that came to mind. “I missed you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re not sure?” Steve laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, you are – were – my boss. Is it okay to miss you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve wasn’t buying it. “Tani, are you alright? Everything good with Junior?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She closed her eyes, relieved for an out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You SEALS can be tough to figure out. I need a translator.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve laughed again, and a warm feeling washed over her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He replied, “What did he do? I hope he’s not taking advice from Frank Bama again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Laughter was contagious, and Tani found herself relaxing. She switched ears with her phone wincing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I heard that.” Steve caught her discomfort.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She could kick herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nothing. We miss you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You already said that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So now you’re gonna make a Federal case?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey whoa,” Steve answered. “I didn’t mean to push.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not a horse, McGarrett.” Which was the silliest thing for her to say. She blushed and cleared her throat. <em>What was she thinking?</em> Lou was right. She shouldn’t have called Steve. She needed to end this. “Look, I gotta go. Sorry to bother you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tani ended the call without another word. Steve stared at the phone before redialing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Steve dialed Tani. His call went straight to voice mail. She was dodging him, and no doubt, Junior might do the same. After a concerning call, no less. This both infuriated and worried him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frowning, he took a breath to clear his head and assessed the situation. His gut wasn’t screaming emergency. Something was up, though. That much he knew for sure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He dialed Danny. He’d know what was going on with the kids. Steve smiled. He’d always see Tani and Junior that way.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Four rings and then voice mail. Danny’s phone was on, but he wasn’t picking up. This made Steve’s stomach flip. Danny always answered. Even if only to yell at him for calling at an inappropriate time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Next up was Lou. Steve scrolled through his contacts and dialed. A fire stoking in his gut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Lou-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yessss..” Lou stretched out the word, both trying to be funny and buying himself some time. He was punch drunk. Tired and hungry. So desperate he’d drink week old coffee if he could find any.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He could hear Steve’s impatient exhale. It gave him a shiver.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did Tani just hang up on me?” Steve asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cat was out of the bag. Steve knew.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Replying with a pained laugh, Lou said, “I don’t know. Did you ask her?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d swear he could hear Steve’s glare. Lou shrugged it off. “Ow man, stop using my name that way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Answer the question.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was never any doubt who was in charge. Miles away, across an ocean, Steve still held the position. Lou was biding his time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Which question is that, Steve?” Lou asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did Tani call me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clearing his throat, Lou prepared himself. He wasn’t sure how his friend would take the news he had to deliver.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve,” Lou began, “I’m gonna tell you something now. Promise you won’t-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Spit it out, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Or you’ll what? Hang up? Because you wanna hear this from me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not supposed to tell you, but - Danny’s been hurt.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How bad?” Steve replied, “How did it happen? He’s not cleared for full duty. He still has two shrink appointments and an eval.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou smiled that Steve knew those details. Didn’t make the rest easier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s fine. Nothing serious.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou glanced at Danny who was sleeping a few feet away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Insistent, Steve asked, “What happened?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He tagged along with Tani to get a witness statement.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tani.” Steve said, a note of concern in his voice, “She okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s fine, too. She called you, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was like Lou’s assurance checked a box. Steve was stern again. “Why were they paired up?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny’s bored, and Junior’s on desk duty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Damn kid pulled a McGarrett and took a swim in the canal. He’s –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine, right?” Steve growled. “Lou, you’re not doing a great job of running my team.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, so it’s your team still?” Of course, he knew it was. Five-0 would always belong to Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou. Danny?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He opened his mouth to protest Steve’s tone, and it all poured out of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Witness turned out to be our suspect. The guy rabbited. Tani gave chase. Danny followed. Pushed Tani outta the way of a car.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jesus,” Steve replied, “He was hit by a car?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. But he’s only got a few bumps and bruises. A concussion. Tani’s the same.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve didn’t answer. Lou listened to background noise, trying to place his friend on a map, but he couldn’t concentrate. He could feel Steve’s eyes on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I see that look.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you know what look I have?” Amusement crept into Steve’s words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou’s eyes watered as he chuckled. It felt good to talk to Steve. Even under these circumstances.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know you, Steve, that’s how.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh huh. Just what look do I have, Lou?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The one Danny calls Aneurysm Face.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve laughed and said, “Seriously?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou dug in. He understood why Danny and Steve argued. It was fun and it bought time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re still doing it.” Lou replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine, you wanna see what look I have?” Steve hung up and started a video call.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was no time to quibble. Lou stared at his phone. He could either accept the chat request, or he could risk Steve harassing the hospital staff until he got Lou on the screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What caught Lou by surprise was how much he missed the man who materialized on his phone screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, you look better.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No Aneurysm Face?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou had to sit down. Seeing Steve knocked the wind out of him. It had been too many weeks. He’d been so busy taking care of the team that he hadn’t dealt with his own pain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I miss you, man.” Lou said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve ran his hand through his shaggy hair and smiled before he answered, “Miss you, too, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t ask the question. Lou knew better than to push. Try for too much, and he might push Steve further away.  And he knew the real reason Steve had switched to video.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou, I need to see him. Is he awake?” Steve asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” Lou replied, though he wasn’t sure. From his present perch on the corner window sill, he couldn’t quite see Danny’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great. So he won’t know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou frowned and said, “He won’t know what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now who’s making a face.” Steve said with a chuckle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It suddenly wasn’t funny. A surge of heartburn made Lou press on his belly. This was Danny and Steve, and a moment which illustrated just how far apart they were. Mentally and physically. Lou was protective of both of them, but here, his job was keeping the team intact. Repairing the damage. Preventing further heartbreak. Steve wasn’t there. He could offer only hollow comfort.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m gonna say this once, Steve,” Lou began. His chest tightened and his eyes watered. He had to dig deep to continue. “I hope you take it to heart.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go ahead.” Steve said, eyes narrowed and hardened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If they were in the same room, they’d be toe to toe. Steve didn’t like being challenged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t come here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve opened his mouth, but Lou held up his hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, don’t speak.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve zipped his mouth shut. Like Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cute.” Lou cracked a little. “Where was I? Oh yea. Don’t come here unless you’re back for good. Cause if you come back to Oahu and you don’t stay? If you leave again? You’ll kill him. And maybe the rest of us, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nodding, Steve looked off screen. He pressed his hand to his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou sucked in a lungful of air and made sure Steve got it. “You feel me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Copy that.” Steve answered, voice soft.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve, I’m sorry, I am. It’s been rough.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I get it.” Steve raised his voice. He cleared his throat and added, “It’s better if I stay away.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, don’t be like that. This isn’t a pity party.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes. “Funny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wasn’t meant to be, Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok then.” Steve straightened himself and laid out his demands. “I need to see him, Lou. And I need to see him now. He’s gonna lie to me. Tell me everything’s alright. I need to see his chart, too. If you don’t do this for me, I’ll get on the next plane.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou shook his head and took a few steps toward Danny. He touched the screen to flip the phone view and said, “Be my guest. Just don’t wake sleepy beauty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve swallowed hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Be careful what you wish for.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was part of the reason he’d left. Seeing Danny like this. Steve wasn’t proud. His knees went weak. He wanted to puke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The lights in the room were dimmed. Steve knew that meant Danny had a monster headache. He got those easily – not to mention the concussion. An IV line was visible. He wondered if it was for meds or fluids. He itched to know more. Danny’s eyes were closed. Bruises bloomed on his face along with a laceration closed with butterfly strips. Steve didn’t buy into the whole <em>he looks peaceful when he sleeps</em> cliché. Danny looked drained. Still too thin. More prominent cheekbones told the tale. But he was tan, though. Which made Steve smile a little. Tan meant that Danny had been outside. Steve imagined them surfing in better days.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Get enough?” Lou asked, breaking Steve’s thoughts, startling him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He answered, “Yea, thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>What Steve would never admit to anyone?</em> He could look at Danny for hours.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve,” Lou said, his voice soft. “He’s gonna be ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve gave him the slightest nod as he fought to keep it together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you know how many times I’ve-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou cut him off. “I’ve been with you guys for how many years now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He almost mentioned what a sad routine this had become, but Lou held his tongue. For a terrifying second, he wondered if Steve could read minds. They locked eyes, and boy didn’t Lou feel naked in that gaze, but he held his ground. Steve looked away first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We all hurt, Steve. Watching you,” Lou took a breath and swallowed back tears. “Watching Danny. We feel it. In our own ways.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A sharp reply was first response Lou got, and then Steve said, “Take care of him, Lou. I – I can’t right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That simple statement floored Lou. He almost let it show.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve listen. Forget what I said earlier. If you need to come home –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No Lou, you’re right. I can’t do that to him. To any of you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou fought not to sound frantic. “Are you okay, man? Where are you? I can send –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m alright. I just need to – sleep, to process – I – I’m good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Liar.” Lou replied with a loud guffaw.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve almost snorted with his returned chuckle. The charged moment evaporated, and they could breathe again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right.” Steve said, “I’m not good. Not even close. But I have to believe I am right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou sighed, “Look man, I didn’t mean to dump this on you. I think we’d all be better off if we stayed put.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maintain the status quo,” Steve nodded. “I’m glad you told me. I get why Danny didn’t want me to know. I’m gonna hit the rack, and then I’m traveling north in the morning. I’ll call him once I’m settled.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“North? Where are you anyway?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nice try.” Steve answered, raising his eyebrow at Lou.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine. Don’t tell me. Can’t blame me for trying. You head north. I’ve got the watch here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Lou. I love you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou dabbed the corner of his eye. “I love you, too, brother. Stay safe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou closed his eyes and collected himself. When he checked on Danny, he noticed the track of a lone tear running down his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And we’re back! Thank you for your patience. I split this chapter, so I could post something for you today. Lord knows I’ve kept you waiting…</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Standing in the bathroom, Danny surveyed the damage. His face was bruised and scraped but nothing major. Most of the road rash had already begun to fade. He was happy to be home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Home.</em> Steve’s place. The constant lullaby of the ocean. The click of Eddie’s nails. The murmur of conversation from downstairs. This house hadn’t ever seen this much traffic. Danny smiled at his reflection and winced. He’d managed to split his lip open when he hit the ground, and oddly enough, this was his most annoying injury.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He splashed water on his face and brushed his teeth. He’d shower later. Right then, he just didn’t feel like making the effort. Holding himself upright was becoming a chore as his sore ribs and hips made themselves known. Step one - get the hell outta the hospital - had been completed. He was waiting for something, and he didn’t know what until his phone buzzed from the nightstand in the other room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shuffling the short distance, Danny checked the screen. He tapped the video icon to accept the call, and Steve popped into view. “Hey, babe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They let you out?” Steve asked. His eyes and mouth wore a hesitant smile.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Only kept me overnight.” Danny shrugged. “They’re sick of my ugly mug.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good. That’s good they let you out,” Steve replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a blip of silence before Danny spoke again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I thought you were traveling today?” Danny asked more than said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I overslept,” Steve paused, “I – uh – well, I didn’t set my alarm. Longest I’ve slept in – well, I don’t -.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve didn’t finish his sentence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What time is it where you are? Looks –“ Danny squinted for a look at the background. “Looks like it’s still light out. Late afternoon?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ever the detective,” Steve said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re my best friend, Steven. I’d like to know where you are.” Danny replied. “You could throw me a bone any day now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve turned to stone, jaw set. <em>Shit.</em> Not what Danny had intended. He knew better than to push. The sad reality was he was out of practice at wrangling Steve. He hoped his best friend wouldn’t retreat behind his stoic mask. The distance sucked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Studying his partner for a few seconds, Danny sighed. Even on the small screen, he could tell he wasn’t the only one who’d lost weight. The cut of Steve’s jaw looked even more stern, and it was lined with a few day’s stubble. Not quite <em>beard of doom</em>, but the possibility loomed. It was the length of his hair that gave Steve a sort of dangerous vibe. Which was strange because the man was always scary. But his hair said he’d given up some formality. He wasn’t following the same rules. A man like Steve without discipline could be unmoored and unpredictable. Not a positive development. Yet Danny saw something else, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You look…” Danny stopped midsentence and stared into his phone. It was still so weird for him to chat this way. He didn’t like the coldness of technology. “You look good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Liar.” Steve twitched, his serious façade cracking. “You sure you should be home?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny felt the spark and said, “No, I’m serious. You look rested.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, you look –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like I got hit by a car?” Danny blurted out the words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve rolled his eyes, letting a smile surface. “Really, buddy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wo Fat’s old lady’s goons did worse.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny flinched, eyes locking with Steve. Even across the digital divide they had an intense connection. He’d gone too far.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After all these months, they still hadn’t talked about what happened. Nothing beyond the basics. Daiu Mey had kidnapped Danny to make Steve cough up the cipher. Steve gave her what she wanted and saved Danny before capturing the bitch. None of it was Steve’s fault.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t mean to – I’m –“ Danny said. “I’m an idiot.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s ok, Danno.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Danno</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now Danny couldn’t breathe. He hadn’t been called that name for months. Not even from Grace. He lashed out with nonsense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s possible to get a little bit hit by a car, Steven.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sounds like something I’d say, buddy.” Steve laughed, keeping it light. But it was an obvious cover.  Danny wasn’t supposed to act like him. They both knew it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was silence for another beat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, someone has to do it.” Danny replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean, huh Daniel?” Steve called his bluff. It made Danny itch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He backed down. “Nothing. I’ve gotta go. Rachel’s gonna be here with Charlie.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Charlie? You sure you can handle him in your condition?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In my condition? What am I? Pregnant?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know what I mean.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh huh, and right about now, you’d accuse me of being a mother hen.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, and right about now – no – I can’t do this, partner,” Steve paused and took a deep breath, calm when he asked. “You have help there, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny scrunched his eyebrows, registering the change in composure, but not giving up the game just yet. It was an old familiar pattern, and though it could be destructive, he clung to it because it soothed him. “You really think they’d leave me alone? You remember our friends, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve chuckled, but didn’t reply. He let a fond smile answer for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I gotta go, Steve,” Danny said, looking over his shoulder, “I need some coffee. Rachel wants to talk to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Talk to you? She better not-” Steve’s nose twitched. He didn’t get a chance to continue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hand up, Danny cut him off. “Stop right there. Things are good with Rachel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve closed his eyes and nodded, muttering. “Sorry, reflex.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.” Danny almost touched the screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stared at one another. The distance was so close. It was in the room. Suffocating. Squeezing the life out of them. Steve massaged his temples, and Danny could feel his best friend working himself up. He needed to end this conversation. They might say something they’d regret if they continued for too long. The wound was still raw between them. Picking the scab was too tempting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t want to talk about this, okay, Steve? Let’s pretend things are normal.” Danny exhaled loudly. “You’re not here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve wilted with the weight of Danny’s sigh. “You can still talk to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s not it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny cleared his throat and whispered. “I lost my back up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words slipped out and all he wanted to do was run. Danny held back his tears as long as he could before scrubbing his face with his hand. He didn’t see the look on Steve’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? Danny?” Steve asked, voice louder. “Talk to me, buddy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gotta go, Steve. Take care of yourself. Love you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This gets a little rambling at the end. The boys wanted to chat.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lou stood at the bottom of the steps, listening. The murmur of conversation gave him heartburn, which only added to his headache. He hadn’t slept much, and his old body couldn’t take it. Yet, he had important work here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He backed away from his post and checked the driveway, certain he’d heard the crunch of tires, but there was nothing. The wind had picked up, and something was rustling with the breeze. Without Steve’s diligence, upkeep was slipping a bit. Lou made a mental note to remind Junior it was his turn to do the yardwork. Danny was in no shape.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Danny</em>. Lou shook his head. The man should still be in the hospital, but he knew it would go down this way. Recuperating was easier in the comfort of home. And this place was home, for better or worse. Lou wasn’t so sure Danny should stay here, being reminded on a daily basis that Steve was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It broke Lou’s heart to see his two dear friends in such pain. Renee urged him to intervene. Which was odd for her. Normally, she was hands-off when it came to other people’s love lives. He shook his head at the thought. Danny and Steve were as much a couple as him and Renee. Only problem was they were both idiots.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He checked his phone to make sure his ringer was off. He knew Steve could be calling him. Seemed to happen like clockwork. Steve would finish talking to Danny or Tani, and then call him to check for details. Or ask why they hung up on him. It was becoming a routine. He’d call Steve later once things settled. Rachel was dropping Charlie for a visit. Lou wasn’t sure he had enough energy for the kid, so he knew Danny would need some backup.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou. You want a coffee?” Danny asked, voice raised and happily annoyed, “Earth to Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frowning, Lou watched Danny strut across the room. <em>When had he come downstairs?</em> Boy, he was losing it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh yea.” Lou flashed a smile and stuffed his phone into his pocket. “Sure. A coffee. Sounds good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll pour you a cup. You can fix it how you like.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny turned, heading for the kitchen. He didn’t push. Lou was thankful. It took his brain a few seconds to catch up. He’d been caught in the middle of this whirlwind for 6 years. Now the only thing helping him stay sane was lots of coffee and the best damn dog any of them could have asked for. Eddie squeezed through the doorway ahead of Danny, tail wagging. Lou smiled and followed. Routine was another thing to add to the list. He knew without checking his watch that Eddie was hungry. Hell, the dog never overlooked a chance for a meal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok boy. I’ll get you dinner.” Danny called.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That dog’s damn spoiled,” Lou said. “He’s been fed twice today already.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leaning down, favoring his side, Danny said, “Is that true, Edward?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Here, let me help.” Lou set up the coffee maker. He rummaged through the cabinet. “Do we have regular coffee? All I’m seeing is this whole bean nonsense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny laughed. They’d been through this same conversation a few times. It was comforting to ramble about simple things like coffee beans.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou raised an eyebrow and shook the bag of coffee. “You really into this stuff? Or are you just sentimental?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Use the grinder. It’s –“ Danny grit his teeth and froze. “Shit. The grinder. It’s up there, too. Beside the beans.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You ok? Why don’t you take a load off? Where are your meds?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine. Just moved too fast.” Danny replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He straightened, but leaned against the counter, a line of sweat beading on his forehead. Lou tried not to stare. Eddie’s feet clicked on the floor as he headed for the front door. Their faithful guard dog and greeter of guests had missed Rachel’s arrival. Lou wondered how the loveable dog ever worked in law enforcement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danno, where are you?” Charlie called.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou watched Danny transform. It was a miraculous thing. Pain lines vanished. He’d swear even bruises faded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey kiddo,” Danny said, opening his arms wide as Charlie ran to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I missed you, Danno. Mom says we have an hour. Then I have to go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know what your mom said. Danno’s got it all figured out.” Danny replied as he tussled Charlie’s hair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou didn’t let either of them see his nose wrinkle, and he kept his mouth shut. Rachel had an odd sense of time. Her drop offs seemed arbitrary and sometimes poorly timed. Like today. But if Danny rolled with it, so would the rest of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, let’s get your stuff packed for your camping trip this weekend, and then we’ll play outside with Eddie. Sound good?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I wanna stay with you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou steeled himself. He wanted to jump in, to help. He worried Danny didn’t have the stamina to deal with the impending meltdown. The last few weeks had been tough on Charlie, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny sighed and nodded. “I know, Charlie. I want you here, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I thought you were sharing me.” Charlie said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pulling away from his son, Danny quirked an eyebrow. “Sharing you, buddy? What do you mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now I see Mom all the time. I wanna stay here at Uncle Steve’s. I miss him so much, Danno.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There it was. A punch to the gut. Lou studied the coffee. <em>Whole beans. Roasted on the Big Island. Expensive stuff.</em> He wanted to blend into the background, maybe climb into the bag of coffee, yet he had a plan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey big guy,” Lou said, “I didn’t want to tell you this, but I need your dad for a secret mission.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Charlie turned his sweet face and beamed at Lou with a curiosity that was reserved for kids. Lou thanked his lucky stars that the boy hadn’t lost his innocence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Secret mission?” Charlie asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou stroked his chin, feigning seriousness. “Well, maybe it’s more of a project.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny kept his face blank, and Lou almost laughed looking at him. Charlie, on the other hand, was putty in his hands. Or so he hoped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What is it, Uncle Lou? You can tell me. I’m the best at secrets.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny repeated his son’s question. “Yea, Uncle Lou, what is it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, just let me tell you –“ Lou took a deep breath, sluggish brain, struggling to churn up an answer. He hadn’t thought this through. <em>Shit.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Secret mission! Secret mission!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eddie barked and circled a bouncing Charlie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, let’s take this show outside,” Danny nudged his son, “Eddie needs some exercise.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I take him out by myself?” Charlie tilted his head and grinned at his dad. “Please?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny squeezed Charlie’s shoulder and replied, “Of course you can, big guy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Charlie took off out the side door with Eddie leading the way. Danny called after them, “Don’t go in the water! Your mom will kill me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou folded his arms over his chest and smiled. Mission accomplished.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t be so proud of yourself,” Danny started, “You’re gonna have to explain this project eventually.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shrugging, Lou plugged in the grinder and replied, “Maybe. Maybe not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny giggled, and something burst open in Lou’s chest. Moments like this made life easier. He could forget that Danny was still following concussion protocol or that Steve was thousands of miles away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks for getting me out of a jam, Lou,” Danny told him, “Means a lot.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re welcome, man. Now go spend some time with your son.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Glaring at his phone, Steve scrolled through the call log. Nothing from Lou or any of the team. He wanted updates. Some kind of news about Danny. He’d counted to ten and had even taken a walk on the beach to pass the time. Patience was not his strong point, so he gave in and tapped Lou’s smug grin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s going on with Danny and Rachel?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well hello to you, too.” Lou chuckled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve frowned. He didn’t want to relax, but it was so damn hard to stay irritated when Lou turned on the charm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve.” Lou sighed and paused before answering the question. “Fine. Here’s the deal. It’s simple.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop stalling.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you’d let me finish –“ Lou didn’t cover his now stern tone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go ahead.” Steve made an impatient gesture with his hand which he abruptly aborted. He was happy this wasn’t a video call.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.” Lou stopped again. He was the master of interrogation. From both sides of the table. Steve almost interrupted before Lou added, “Rachel asked for more time. Danny gave it to her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why would he do that? I thought he was healing well. He wasn’t hurt too badly in the hit and run, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If by not hurt too badly, you mean –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou, I know what I mean.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny’s recovery is on track, yes. For everything. The doctor was impressed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then what? Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Enough,” Lou said, voice raised, “If you insist on using my name like a hammer, I’m gonna bid you adieu and hang up. Just like I’m sure Danny did. Or you wouldn’t be talking to me right about now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve inhaled a heavy breath and then let it out in a long, controlled blow. His chest hurt. His stomach flipped. Pins and needles shot through his hands and feet. “I’m sorry, Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I get it, Steve. This is a lot. You’re not here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“People keep telling me that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, it’s a fact.” Lou replied, and Steve could hear voices in the background. Tani and Junior.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re at the office?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve checked his watch. “You’re at a crime scene then?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Guess again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou, please.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m at your place.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My place? Wait, is Danny there too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Which was a silly question since he’d talked to Danny less than an hour before. Steve exhaled through his nose. He deserved any smackdown Lou dished out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where else would he be, Steve?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Put him on the phone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Didn’t you just talk to him?” Lou asked. Steve could hear the eye roll.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, he’s outside with Charlie.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened? Why is Rachel taking Charlie?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s not taking him. She’s picking him up. He has a birthday party for a school friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve nodded, letting the information sink in before responding, “Okay, that doesn’t sound so bad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not. It’s the best thing right now. Rachel –“ Lou cleared his throat. “She’s really stepped up for Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve bristled at the implication. He shoved down his guilt and jealousy.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny’s okay with it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes and no.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lou, you’re stalling again.” Steve was quiet for a few seconds, a nagging thought breaking through. “Wait, it’s Wednesday. What kid has a birthday party on a Wednesday afternoon?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, you caught me,” Lou said. “What do you want me to say?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The truth.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>You can’t handle the truth.</em> Steve pushed the movie line out of his head and waited for Lou, dread building. He couldn’t help worrying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou began softly, “Danny struggled when you left. He needed a break. Healing from a bullet wound is – well, you know how it is. He couldn’t handle Charlie on his own. But you know he wouldn’t admit he needed help. He was already pissed we were mother-henning him to death. Rachel called me and offered to take Charlie for awhile. Not forever. Just for now. And I found out later that Danny was toying with the idea himself. He was relieved, man. Relieved she made the decision for him. And now – after this latest incident – it’s all for the best. He still needs time, Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny willingly gave up time with Charlie?” Steve zeroed in on the most important thing. <em>Charlie.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, let that sink in.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve sighed. “I fucked up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you didn’t, Steve. You needed a break, too. We’ve got things covered here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve’s eyes pricked with tears. “Means a lot, Lou. What you’re doing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, yea, like I’m doing much,” Lou said, “Just don’t take too long, Steve.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Muffled voices and what could have been a breeze brought static to the line.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Listen Steve, take care of yourself. Don’t be a stranger. I’ve gotta go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Lou.” Steve whispered, even though the other man was gone. The line silent. He exited the call and checked the weather. The ocean was calling him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His life had been so structured. Now it wasn’t. This wasn’t something Steve planned. One day, he didn’t set an alarm. He’d slept twelve hours. And he liked it. Then, he took a <em>Danny</em> shower. Fifteen minutes of suds and singing. It cracked him up that his best friend sang in the shower. Sometimes it was pure nonsense. Other times it was a jingle. Or something Steve recognized from Charlie’s playlist. Steve found himself smiling now as he belted out an 80s ballad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve thought of the ways Danny had changed, too. The ties and dress shoes had disappeared. He was more relaxed. He surfed. He’d jumped out of a plane and flown one, too. Tears ran down Steve’s face and were lost in the steady stream of the shower. Looking down, he traced his scar. Faded now, but forever branding him. He and Danny were linked. Danny often joked that they shared DNA. That Steve was a Williams, and not metaphorically. He was blood and guts family.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Chest tight, Steve dried himself and packed his gear, leaving out only what he needed for tonight. He wanted to see Jersey. Not only the beach. But the real places, too. Maybe he could find some answers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His phone buzzed. <em>Danny.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shaking his head, Danny stared at his phone. He didn’t know why he’d called Steve. Besides the fact that the house was quiet, and he was lonely, he felt like nagging his best friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Didn’t I make myself clear earlier?” Danny asked when Steve picked up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Which time, partner? You’re gonna have to be more specific.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The humor in Steve’s voice made Danny itch. If they were in the same place, he’d poke Steve. Hard. In the ribs. Steve was ticklish. Remembering this made Danny grin. Seeing his partner scrambled his brain. He was like a drug, and Danny was drunk on his presence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why am I talking to you, Steven?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um, you called me, buddy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes I did, Steven. Sometimes I make bonehead choices. And you called Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny took a long slow breath, feeling every cracked rib and bruise. He rubbed his eyes, tongue tracing the crack in his lip, and considered hanging up. He closed his eyes for a second, listening for Steve’s answer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why you gotta do that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Checking on me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Someone’s gotta keep an eye on you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny almost reminded Steve that his eyes hadn’t been on him besides lame video calls for weeks. Instead, he stuck to recent events.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m fine. It was a love tap,” Danny paused. “You don’t need to come back, if that’s what you’re thinking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright, if you must know, I have a monster headache,” Danny replied, closing his eyes and flexing his shoulders with a wince. Once he was ready, he continued, “But I’m ok. Keep doin what you’re doin. I want you to be okay, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve nodded and said. “I miss you, you know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, babe. Ditto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny didn’t need to remind his best friend about the last time they watched the movie Ghost. He could see the memory in Steve’s stormy eyes. They’d sat closer than usual that night, and if Junior hadn’t come barging in with Tani and Adam – well, Danny wasn’t sure where things might have gone. Injuries be damned. Steve had left the next day, though, adding to Danny’s sadness and confusion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea,” Steve answered with the twitch of a smile. “Ditto.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Touching the screen, Danny sighed. Getting to know Steve over the years was the slowest damn date he’d ever been on. And just like most other awkward emotional moments, Steve changed the subject.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You did good, buddy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean, Steven?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why should it mean anything?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You said it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You saved Tani. I saw the video.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s a video?” Danny asked. No one had told him about a video.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s Waikiki. There’s always a video.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The way Steve studied him, Danny felt like a bug. An uncomfortable bug who was about to be squished.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would I ask if there was a video if I’d seen it, Steven? Huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Calling me Steven.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s your name.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know it is, Daniel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frowning, Danny looked away, shaking his head. “I miss this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bickering?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like an old married couple.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t go there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Too late.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So where does that leave us?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have an idea.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I hope it doesn’t involve explosives. I’m a little rusty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both laughed, and then Steve sobered. Danny held his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you do something for me, I’ll do something for you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And what would that be, babe?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ll know it when you see it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When I see it? You coming home?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The response was so sharp and quick that it hurt. Like a knife to the gut. Danny touched the scar on his belly. Another badge of honor. Otherwise, he pretended he didn’t notice how fast Steve had answered. He covered with a question of his own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sending me something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, so smug and mischievous.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny wanted to punch him, but he asked, “Then what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ll know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok. Whatever.” Danny rolled his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve touched the screen and said, “Good night, sunshine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good night, you animal.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey wait. Danny, don’t go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Danny growled. Steve could be worse than Charlie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t tell you what I want you to do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny adjusted his position on the couch. Eddie was a space invader. “This should be good. Go ahead.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Take an extra week. Stay on desk duty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. I’m supposed to do that anyway.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m supposed to do a lot of things, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Point taken.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Promise me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know how I feel about promises.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stared at one another. Their connection so intense Danny almost believed he could reach into the laptop. Steve looked more sad, less defiant than even a few seconds ago. No way could Danny deny his best friend this simple thing. Lou had ordered him to take more leave anyway. It wasn’t a difficult promise to make.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. I promise, babe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve smiled and the storm broke just a little. Danny could see through the clouds. There was hope.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good night, Danno.” <em>I love you.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>I love you, too.</em> “Good night, Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny looked into the darkness of the screen for a few minutes after Steve was gone. Seeing only a shadowy, distorted reflection of himself. He’d been blaming Steve so hard for everything, rather than doing the work to get himself better. Everything had been about going through the motions, getting back to a reality that no longer existed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He loved Steve. He wasn’t sure what that meant. He loved himself, too. He prized his abilities. He wanted to get back to work full time. Danny wanted to be proud of himself again. Not feel like he was dragging every goddamn day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Closing the laptop, he went over his nightly checklist. The last thing was Eddie’s walk. He didn’t know how far they’d go. His body ached. He knew he should be resting. He shouldn’t have chased Lou and the kids away. He couldn’t do this by himself. He didn’t want to be alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later, Danny sat on the lanai, a snoring Eddie at his feet. He smiled at his phone. Ever the insomniac, he was up way past his bedtime. Chats with Steve had that effect on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He flicked the screen once and then again. Grace had sent him pictures of her and her roommate playing miniature golf. He loved her goofy mug, and her new friend fit right in. He wanted to call Grace, and he warred with himself, because he knew she had exams. He didn’t want to interrupt her studying. Not to mention the time difference, which drove him nuts.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny exited his photo gallery and opened a location app. If he couldn’t talk to his daughter, he’d check on her another way. And he didn’t feel a damn bit guilty for spying. After all they’d been through, he allowed himself a few indulgences.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Sonovabitch.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny glared at the map screen. Listed across the top were three icons instead of the normal two. Grace, Charlie and…Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn’t look. Didn’t want to know. Closing his eyes, he clicked off the app. Steve’s whereabouts would remain one of the great mysteries of the universe. Danny wasn’t ready. Not tonight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Grinning at the screen, Danny was in his element. Being a dad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know you can always hit up dear old dad for study prep.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, dad. Thank you. You’re the best.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He squinted at his daughter. She had something else up her sleeve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright. Spill it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grace laughed and groaned. “Danno.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t Danno me. I know you didn’t call just to ask if I knew the answer to that quiz question.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you see where Uncle Steve is?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The enthusiasm in her voice made his stomach churn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope, no, uh uh. Don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Seriously?” She replied, frowning. “That’s so lame.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lame? I’m lame?” Danny tapped his chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She rolled her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d appreciate it if you kept this knowledge to yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok?” She replied with a wrinkle of her nose. “But what if he tells someone else?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then he does. That’s his business.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I have to keep it secret?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looked down and shook her head, avoiding eye contact.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Danny asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Old people are super –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I’m not old.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Grownups then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny raised an eyebrow before replying, “Uh, Grace, I hate to tell you but you’re grownup.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She laughed and he realized his mistake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll remember that the next time you tell me I’m not old enough to do something, dad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well played,” he sighed. “Don’t you have studying to do? And it’s late.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s only nine o’clock.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The look Grace gave made him feel so old. Danny remembered when nine o’clock was only the beginning of the evening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, ok, Ms. Grownup. Study hard. Be safe. Don’t spend all my money.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Love you, Danno.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Love you more, Monkey.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And she was gone. Another dark screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew he was being ridiculous. But he couldn’t look at Steve’s location. He was thankful Charlie didn’t know about the app. He’d instructed Grace not to tell her brother. He’d only told her about it when she’d threatened not to leave the island after his latest mishap. Because she was worried about him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny roamed the beach til every ounce of twilight was gone, pondering the conflicting emotions he felt. Happiness from chatting with Grace and sadness from so many other things. Then he built a fire in the ring at his feet and studied every flaw in the peeling paint of his favorite chair with the help of the flickering flames. A new ritual to remember his old life. Maybe he’d cook a steak on one of these restless evenings in honor of his best friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dousing the fire, he went inside. He wanted to check his phone. In his need for fresh air, he’d forgotten it on the kitchen counter. The team was working a case as a favor for Duke, but they might need him for something. He bent down and scratched Eddie’s head as he walked by the snoozing dog. Eddie wasn’t a fan of the water since Steve left. Danny wouldn’t comment on the significance of that. Life had changed for all of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>I could stare at this sunrise forever. Maybe this moment is all there is.</em> </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny stared at the text. Lost. Dumfounded. He double checked the sender. Steve. McGarrett.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words didn’t make sense, yet his eyes watered. He checked his best friend’s location on the phone app. Danny knew right where Steve was. He’d been to this place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ocean Grove Beach. New Jersey. Dry town, but fun anyway. Beautiful beach. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rubbed his favorite scar. The one made by Steve that saved their lives. <em>Sonovabitch</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny couldn’t help but read the text again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong> <em>I could stare at this sunrise forever. Maybe this moment is all there is.</em> </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Steve he knew rarely said those things. When he did. Something was stirring. Like wind picking up before a storm. When Steve was chewing on something emotional, he sometimes gave you warning before lightning struck. You just had to pay attention and heed the signs. Take cover. Harden your heart. Because no matter how good those words made you feel, it was a trap. He was about to blow something up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook his head. That was the old Danny. The one who jumped to the most pessimist, world-ending conclusions. On this day, he took the words for what they were. A comment on the sublime beauty of a sunrise from his friend who was searching for peace.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something bubbled up in Danny’s chest. Steve was in New Jersey. He’d listened to him. And as much as he wanted to say something snarky, Danny held his tongue and basked in the glow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then thirty seconds later, his phone dinged again. Steve sent him a picture.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A lifeguard stand. The sun painting the sky over the Atlantic Ocean. Clouds lifting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny’s vision blurred. He pushed on his eyes. He would not cry. The big dumb jerk would not control him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He glared at the bottle of scotch on the counter. No, he shouldn’t mix alcohol with his meds. He had a choice. A long night in insomniac hell, beating himself up over a picture of a heartbreakingly beautiful sunrise. <em>Jersey, for god sake.</em> Or he could down a shot, maybe two, of this expensive liquor he’d found in Steve’s cupboard. A gift from Governor Denning. A token of their triumphs Steve had tucked away like he was saving it for something special. And damned if Danny didn’t want to celebrate something.  Anything. Like his best friend going to New Jersey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve knew Catherine by scent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jasmine shampoo or body wash. He wasn’t sure which. Oddly enough, they’d never showered together. She kept her toiletries in a small kit bag. She was a squared away sailor. Only one time did she ever need a toothbrush. And it sat on his sink for months. Until he tossed it the last time after she left for good.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He also knew Danny this way. Spend enough time in close quarters or on the couch watching action movie marathons, and you get to know someone. Their shampoo, cologne, sweat, bad breath. Danny liked lavender soap, but he didn’t use it often. He also wore a cologne Steve could never place. He’d even snooped once for the bottle and received the riot act from Danny. A full-on hands waving scolding. Made Steve laugh to think about it now. Danny claimed he didn’t wear anything except on hot dates. Which were few and far between. But Steve sometimes caught a whiff of campfire, pine and something floral. He couldn’t place it. The worst, though, was the coffee breath. Danny practically took his morning joe through an IV, and some days, his breath smelled like the bottom of a burnt tire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But no, that wasn’t the worst. Bad breath and sweat were mundane and normal things that Steve relished when things went wrong. There were other smells he willed himself to forget. Fear, anxiety and blood. Especially when it came to Danny. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So that’s why Steve’s heart skipped a beat when he caught Danny’s scent. On the boardwalk of all places. He stood in front of a cheesy jewelry and souvenir shop that also sold cologne. Steve searched the display, sinuses rebelling after a handful of tries.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“May I help you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A tall girl in a floral dress smiled at him. She tapped her name tag.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, Lauren, I’m looking for a men’s cologne. I don’t know the name.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She studied him, raising an eyebrow before asking. “For you or a gift?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Old school then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lauren turned away before he could question her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Try this one.” She offered a simple clear bottle with a black label. Then she gave him an almost stern command.  “And don’t spray it like a firehose.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve laughed. She didn’t. He took the small bottle and the test strip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, that’s not right.” He said, disappointed. Like he’d hoped to hit his target on the first try.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They went through four colognes before he found it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s a knockoff – a legal one – but it’s about a quarter of the price of the brand name.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Works for me.” He replied. Made sense Danny would buy the more sensible version.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m surprised they still make it. It’s from the 80s.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve sighed. <em>How did the 80s become ancient history?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I see.” She nodded with half a smirk. “Nostalgia, huh?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gave her a slow nod as he took another sniff. <em>Danny in a bottle.</em> She watched with a soft smile and added. “You never forget your first love.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Something like that, Lauren. Thanks for your help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve sat on the slim curve of land where the beach melted into a salt marsh. The water was calm as the sun dipped below the surface, setting it ablaze. Even the birds held their breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were a religious experience now. Sunsets. Daily funerals to the dying light. Tears had been shed the first few evenings he was finally alone. These moments he came close to finding that elusive peace. Something in him set along with the sun. Dissolving more of the pain and guilt. Now, he sat in silence, unfocused. Just existing, accepting his own mortality. No longer in denial. Only when he had something to live for did he realize he didn’t want to die.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Some days he caught the rebirth, too, but the dawn was no longer his friend. He slept in, forsaking his morning exercise as a ritual shed like skin. He could hear Danny laughing, making jokes about the change. Truth was, his best friend was part of the reason for this transformation. Steve wanted to get better. To be more relaxed and spontaneous. To not be so wrapped up in a quest that had threatened to kill him and everyone in his life. He had to stop and remind himself that the mission was over. His mother was dead. The mystery surrounding his father had been solved. Wo Fat’s wife was locked away in a dark hole somewhere. For the first time in ages, he had nothing tying him to anywhere. No orders to follow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What remained scared him more than death.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shifted his gaze to the darkening heavens. There was no moon tonight, and the stars were beginning to appear. Bright points of light, dead before they reached him, some said. This fact didn’t matter to Steve. He wondered how many times Danny had looked at this sky, the view so different from the beach at home on Oahu. The stories painted in the sky were different here. Searching his mind, Steve tried to remember the constellations his father had taught him. A good sailor knew his stars. Steve had come so far in his career, leaning on the latest and the greatest tech. His heart longed to learn the myths again. Maybe he could teach Charlie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His chest hurt from a mixture of homesickness and longing, and he reached for the bag at his side, pulling out the bottle of cologne. He popped the cap, careful with the seal, and took a deep breath. He was rewarded with the faintest of scents. <em>Danny</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The picture Steve sent Danny was inspired by an Instagram post by John Entwistle Photography from mid July 2020. </p>
<p>https://www.johnentwistlephotography.com/Top-Shots/i-Gjbjw9p</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to Irene Claire for helping me with this and all the other chapters. Your input means a lot. Extra thanks to everyone reading for putting up with me…especially MissSlothy. But it takes one to know one!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve opened the door and scanned the room before entering. He’d chosen this spot on the corner after cruising the parking lot and casing the grungy little motel. There was egress through this door and the bathroom window. Just in case. It was impossible to shut off his instincts. He wasn’t as relaxed here as at the beach. The city buzzed with an energy that agitated him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He flicked on the ceiling fan that hung over the bed. A vague smell of disinfectant lingered, giving the room a clinical feel. Setting his duffel on the bed, he sighed. At least the linens appeared to be new and laundered. There was no evidence of rodents or insects. This place was probably frequented by kids from the local universities for parties. It had that vibe. Lots of ice and vending machines and posters advertising campus parties and upcoming sporting events. Most importantly, management clearly looked the other way, if they paid much attention at all. The woman at the front desk had barely glanced at Steve when he’d checked in and requested a particular room. She’d slapped a key on the counter, reminded him of check out time and had also growled that any damages would be subtracted from his credit card.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve hadn’t factored summer graduation into his loose plans. There were no hotel rooms closer. So he’d ended up in the rough part of town on the edge of the university. Which suited him better, if he was honest. He felt at home there. In that gritty neighborhood. He could move among them like a shadow. Like he’d done in Mexico when he was looking for his mother. And on so many other missions. No one asked questions. Not too many anyway. Only things like – <em>what time was he checking out? What did he want to drink? Did he want pepperoni on his pizza?</em> Nothing too deep that would dig at his wounded heart or endanger his safety.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew if Danny’s family found out he was this close and didn’t stop in to say hello, he’d never hear the end of it. He smiled when he pictured Danny all excited – or exasperated really – scolding him for picking this spot. Rolling his eyes and telling him he should have stayed at the beach. <em>Who spent their vacation in South Orange, New Jersey?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve distinctly heard the word <strong><em>idiot</em></strong> in his head. He smiled for a few seconds, and glanced at his phone. Maybe he should call Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No, he wasn’t ready for that. He had some things to say and his courage was in short supply when it came to super emotional conversations. It had occurred to him more than once that he’d run away from those things rather than bullets and blood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He glanced down at his kit bag. Danny’s cologne was nestled there, wrapped in sparkly tissue paper. He’d been haunted even by the scent of the man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The thought of getting a drink loomed large. The desk clerk told him there were two liquor stores in walking distance and a bar just down the street. The bar was closer. She muttered about a hospital up the block, too, as he’d turned away with his key. <em>How fitting</em>. He wondered how many drunks ended up in the ER.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Setting his bag on the chair by the bed, he zipped it part way and pulled out his toiletry kit, taking two ibuprofens from a small bottle, dry swallowing them. A headache had been chasing him all summer. He blew it off as allergies. He hadn’t spent much time on the East coast for ages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grabbing his wallet, phone and room key, Steve glanced at his bag. He needed to stow his weapon. He figured being strapped would draw undue attention. He wasn’t a cop anymore. Plus, he had no reason to be armed. <em>Wasn’t he on vacation?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were two possible options in the room. The bed or the AC unit. There was no safe. Not that he ever trusted a safe. Someone at the motel always had the means to open them, and this place was more than a little shady. He lifted the mattress. Sure enough, it was on a platform. He slid the mattress and checked the box. No joy. His bag would be exposed. He turned to the ancient AC unit. Chewing on his lip, Steve felt for a latch to remove the cover. One cracked fingernail later, his gun was hidden from prying eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Satisfied, he set the thermostat to cool for later before switching off the lights. He was not used to the humidity here or the smell of warm garbage and asphalt. It clung to him without a breeze off the ocean. The weather had gone from muggy to sweltering, surprisingly hotter than home. He caught himself. Home was Oahu. Home was Danny and the team. His chest tightened. Tears swelled, and he shook his head. He definitely needed a drink. Something stronger than beer. Maybe he’d find one of the liquor stores and bring a bottle back to this room. He didn’t want to get drunk in an unfamiliar place, but he definitely needed a buzz.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve caught his reflection in the long mirror and then tapped his knuckles on the dresser. He never understood why people used them. He was surprised the drawers opened. Even if he spent more than a minute in motels, he always lived out of a bag. Just in case he needed to pack up and go. At a moment’s notice. Cut and run. Survive until rescue. Except now, no one was coming to rescue him. He’d left the team. He was on his own. Untethered, he felt not free, but everything. No longer locked down, emotions and memories assaulted him at night, during the day. Good ones and bad. His compartments were gone. Unnecessary. Smashed to pieces. Part of finding peace was allowing himself to feel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had taken him months to unpack when he’d first come back to Oahu when his dad was murdered. Actually, Danny had put his clothes away. An odd gesture from someone he’d barely known. One grumpy day, his then-new best friend had done his laundry. He’d lectured Steve about the empty dresser and closet. Humans put their clothes away. Steve smiled at the memory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The AC whirred and fizzed as it kicked into gear, bringing him back to the present. Steve put on his ballcap and slipped into the haze of the early evening. The door locked with a loud click behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The heat was stifling. The humidity worse. It seemed like every exhale was trapped by the asphalt, adding to the agony. Sweat lined his brow. The walk was short from the motel to the bar, yet Steve considered turning around, ordering a pizza. He didn’t need a drink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Yet he did.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was drawn to the crumbling dive bar. He’d checked it out online. They had a popular trivia night with lots of pictures in their website’s gallery. The dark, dingy place reminded him of other less than reputable spots he’d frequented in another life in very different parts of the world. They did just enough business to stay alive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The serious drinkers kept their heads down or their eyes focused on the TV screens by the bar. Keeping their misery to themselves. Except for a handful of college students in one corner. They were there to drink on the cheap. Slumming it. Laughing a little too loudly and harassing the barmaid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve tensed his jaw, ground his teeth. Seething at the immature behavior, he cracked his knuckles under the table. His whole body itched to put them in their place. He scratched the spot where his weapon should be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This anger worried him. He didn’t know these kids. They weren’t breaking any laws, no serious ones anyway. He’d bet there was a fake ID among them. Which did not concern him. Yet, a nagging feeling chewed on his guts.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Signaling to the young girl, he ordered another beer. Steve was cheered by the fact they served Longboards. When she delivered his drink, he caught her eyes. She stopped and asked, “Can I get you something else, sir?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He dove right in. “Are they bothering you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She twitched but didn’t even glance at the raucous table. “No, it’s fine. Not the first time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You sure?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea mister. But thank you. For caring.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks for the beer.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My pleasure. And my job.” She winked and left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve watched her for a few minutes, as he finished his drink, peeling the label from the bottle as it, too, beaded with sweat. AC chugged in a corner window, barely keeping up with the sweltering evening. Convinced the waitress could indeed handle herself, he decided to leave. First, he needed to hit the head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he was finished, the bar was empty. The kids were gone. Steve settled his tab and asked after the waitress. He wanted to give her a tip. The bartender motioned to the bar door. She’d gone to dump some trash. The hair on the back of his neck stood up. For a second, he considered checking on her. Then he looked up at the oscillating fan and decided he was paranoid from the alcohol. He handed the guy a fifty and told him to split it with the girl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Saying goodnight, Steve left the bar, and once outside, he assessed the scene. The street was quiet. No sign of the noisy bunch, but something didn’t feel right. He strained to listen, and for a few seconds, all he heard was the hum of the city. Traffic, music playing from an open window. (<em>Was that Bon Jovi blasting?</em>) Then a sharp sound, cut off. Not quite a full scream. Steve was moving before he quite knew where he was going. He jogged around the building into the unknown.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He remembered the waitress. Her trash run. He prayed he’d find an empty alley.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve didn’t announce himself. He simply grabbed two of the young men and smacked their heads together. They fell in a heap, disoriented. The girl stopped screaming. She locked eyes with Steve, hope flickering into a heated flame, and she started kicked with fervor. One of the guys, oblivious to Steve’s approach, yanked on her skirt, tearing it. This fueled Steve’s rage further, and he snagged the kid by his pants, tossing him aside with a roar.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Run!” Steve commanded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The waitress didn’t hesitate. She disappeared into the bar. Steve didn’t have a chance to take the win. With a clang ringing in his ears, he collapsed to his knees. Clocked on the head with something heavy. A splash of stars filled his field of vision, and he almost vomited the beer he’d just drunk. Hands on the uneven grit of the pavement, he pushed up. Already searching for a target through blurry eyes. With a calculated strike, he took out one kid’s knee and swept the legs of another. Ducking just in time, Steve knocked a large metal lid out of the hand of the skirt ripping asshole. One smooth lift and the kid ended up head over heels in the steaming garbage bin. He turned to the others, chest heaving, stance wide. One of them whimpered and sprinted away. The other sneered.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Bring it on, old man.” He gestured to Steve. “I’m a boxer.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve smirked at the bravado. The kid was flat on his back in less than five seconds. Unfortunately, so was Steve. Laughter erupted in his ears, as he was struck with a barrage of kicks and blows. He took a loafer to the face, and blood blinded him. An attempt to roll over and shield himself was interrupted by a heavy stomp to his ribs. As he blacked out, a gunshot echoed in the alley.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Back up, or I’ll shoot you.” She aimed the gun at her attackers, and then laughed when she realized one of them had pissed his pants. “Aw, poor baby forgot his diaper?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two of the young men sat against the far wall, holding their heads while another was draped over the dumpster, half stuck on his climb out. A bloody metal bar, part of a broken table, lay on the ground near Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You better hope he lives.” She snarled at the pants-wetter. He’d dropped the weapon when she reappeared in the alley.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her boss stepped out the back door, cursing, also armed. “Get the fuck on our knees before I kill you. Damn college brats. You okay, Jo?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, boss. Can’t say the same for him.” She was already beside Steve, checking for a pulse and an airway. “He needs an ambulance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“One’s on the way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you.” She whispered close to Steve’s ear. He didn’t respond. He was out cold. “You saved me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bright light seared a hole through his brain. He feared he might vomit and needed to roll onto his side. Hands fought his movements.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sir, please, stay still. You’re in a hospital.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny…I promised Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The barrage of light and sound was too much. Steve passed out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s stable. Vitals look good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Concussion protocols. Order a CT.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And call someone for him. Look on his phone. If there’s a Danny, contact him first.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We’re almost there…the boys will be reunited soon. Thank you for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had a long note written for this chapter. I’ve decided not to include it. I’ll keep it simple. I write these stories for fun and to practice my skills. I don’t get paid. Most readers never comment. And that’s fine. I share my stuff because I hope they brighten your day.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>  </strong>
</p>
<p>/././</p>
<p>Danny closed his eyes and listened as the voices of his friends faded with one quick burst of laughter from Tani punctuating the silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leaving him alone in the office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, not exactly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Flat Steve stared at him, all smug and handsome.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I miss you, you big goof,” Danny said, “When are you coming home?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pushed up from his chair and limped to the giant piece of cardboard. Smiling he touched Steve’s face. “Is this like a watched pot situation? I keep checking my phone, so you’re not gonna call?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then, Danny turned the thing around, giving Flat Steve a different view.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t have to wait long for a distraction. His phone buzzed. <em>God, he hoped it was his idiot.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No such luck. It was Lou.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey Lou.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t drive back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened? Are you ok?” Danny instinctively grabbed for keys that weren’t there. He had yet to replace his beloved Camaro, plus he wasn’t cleared to drive. His heart raced as he added, “Do you need backup? I can call-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, Danny, calm down,” Lou replied, “I’m okay. Slow your roll.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny’s gaze fell to a pink post-it stuck to his desk phone. <em>Lou. Eye doctor 1030.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea ok. I forgot. Sorry.” He felt like an ass. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou answered, “No man, I’m sorry. I should have reminded you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a sigh, Danny sat at his desk again. His mind wasn’t what it used to be. He didn’t want Lou to think he’d lost it, so he zeroed in on the thing he hated most about the optometrist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They put those drops in your eyes?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh huh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh man, I can’t stand that feeling,” Danny replied, “I’ll send the kids to pick you up. They’re out grabbing lunch.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Danny. You’re the best.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny pressed on his temples, unable to shake the dull ache creeping across his sinuses. The weather forecast called for possible storms later in the day. He hated being so sensitive to the barometer. He had enough pressure in his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d been back to work for barely a week, beginning his second desk duty tour. It felt like no time or 100 years, depending on the day. He still hadn’t lived down his man vs. car incident. He knew he wouldn’t ever get out from under that one. Things like that didn’t roll right off of him. His talent wasn’t throwing himself in front of danger. Not like some people. Though Tani (and Junior) would be forever grateful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A certain absence was heavy. No one mentioned it or said his name. The empty office remained a monument to their friend. Danny had assumed defacto benevolent dictator status when he returned to duty. Some alphabet agency had grabbed Cole. It stunk of Catherine and her connections. Cole was too big time for the islands. He wanted more. Not the shadow of Steven J McGarrett.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny’s cell vibrated from his desk calendar. He glanced at it, intending to let it go to voicemail. When he saw the area code, he stopped breathing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A New Jersey area code.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Home. Apple pie. His parents. Sisters. Family. Newark PD. His old life. Too many ghosts. Please no new ones. Not yet. He wasn’t ready.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Shit. </em>Steve was in Jersey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny shook away all the negative thoughts. Maybe this was something related to his time at Newark PD. Loose ends from the old days were always popping up. The number wasn’t familiar, so it wasn’t family. He took a deep breath. His hand shook as he answered the call.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Detective Williams.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny Williams?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They weren’t formal enough for anything work related. He decided to keep it light, even if something nagged at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is East Orange Medical Center. Your name and number are in the emergency contacts of…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny lost time for a few seconds. Somehow his brain kept track, and he found himself answering correctly and scratching down some notes on a coffee-stained napkin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve. East Orange hospital. Stable condition. Hadn’t regained consciousness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened?” Danny asked. His heart raced. He hadn’t felt this level of concern since – well not since his best friend ran off in search of that elusive peace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t have the details, sir. I’m sorry. All I know is he saved a girl. I’ve got the number for a detective from Newark PD.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve, playing hero. He couldn’t escape the job. This was not peace on his own terms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny snapped back to the conversation. “Newark PD?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, Detective Williams. That’s all I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay. I’ll take the contact info. Thank you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny jotted down the information before ending the call with a shaky finger. He pushed away from his desk, totally spent. He turned to Flat Steve in the corner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did you do now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The quiet broke open as Junior and Tani spilled out of the elevator, Lou in their wake. He was laughing. Danny sighed and steeled himself. He didn’t want to alarm anyone. Part of him wanted to keep the information to himself. To stay in this happy, normal moment. He’d made his travel arrangements and called his parents to let them know he was coming to Jersey. He’d also had a testy call with Rachel, which did not help his mood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lou looked into Danny’s office and raised an eyebrow. He pushed the door open, coming only part way into the room, like he, too, was afraid to burst the bubble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny, what’s going on?” Lou asked. He squinted; eyes still messed up from the dilating drops. Already knowing the answer. There was only one reason for the look on Danny’s face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s Steve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How bad?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They won’t know til he wakes up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Calm, Danny felt too calm. He wanted to bounce off the walls because of this worry. Yet it was all too familiar. Steve was injured. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit.” Lou hissed. He grabbed the nearest chair. “What’d that fool go and do now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny sighed, shaking his head. He crossed his arms over his chest and replied, “What he normally does. Save the day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny watched out the window. Peering into the night with tired eyes. The water a dark void below him as he hurtled through the miles toward an unknown. He’d spent the rest of the day tying up loose ends at work, and reassuring Rachel that he’d be home in a week to pick Charlie up from camp. He didn’t tell his ex-wife about his backup plan. Just in case things went sideways with Steve. That thought felt wrong – the old Danny -  and he pushed it away. Therapy had helped him with positive thinking. Things would work out; he’d be back. With or without Steve. If not, Lou and Renee would pick up Charlie. Junior and Tani were watching Eddie. Quinn and Adam were helping hold down the fort. They’d all encouraged him to take the time he needed. No exceptions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His heart swelled with that old butterfly feeling. He had no doubt that Steve would be okay. His biggest concern was how things were between them. Danny felt like a teenager until reality washed over him again. No matter what happened in Jersey, Steve was a wounded man.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This flight reminded Danny of a similar trip. When he’d flown to DC because Doris was dead. Steve had been lost. Angry. Closed off. Worse than when his father had died. Which pissed Danny off. Doris didn’t deserve to be mourned. Yet she was Steve’s mother. Danny’s heart still ached for the little boy in Steve who’d lost his mom. Twice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cabin was quiet. He’d taken this flight more than once. It wasn’t popular with tourists. He knew he should sleep, but he didn’t know what waited for him. The details from the hospital were meaningless until he saw his best friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His knee complained with a mild nagging but his hip was on fire. He stretched his leg best he could. He thought about getting up and walking the aisle, but turbulence kept him in his seat. His whole body ached. He’d been through the wringer this year.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny pressed his fingers to his temples, massaging away some of his stress. His brain spun at 40 mph. Nonstop. The <em>what ifs</em> and the <em>if thens</em>. The calm from earlier melted more and more as he got closer to the mainland and his final destination. His imagination could conjure up a million things. He wanted it all to stop. The Newark cop hadn’t returned his call.  Lord only knew what Steve had stumbled upon. He’d be a trouble magnet til the end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closed his eyes against that last thought. It was time to stop dancing around his feelings. Life was too short. Danny was on a mission. Get to Steve. Fuck the rest for now.</p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading. I’ve been working to get to the last part of this story for almost a year. With this one, I wrote the end first. No – that’s not entirely true. I actually wrote a scene between Steve and Catherine that I scrapped first…right after the finale aired. That was a much angrier story. This one will hopefully help repair some broken hearts.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elevators. Danny despised them. They were necessary, though, and he accepted their existence. You got on. You got off. Simple. Quick. Most of the time. He liked to pretend the little incident with Mindy never happened. Word got out, and he was embarrassed. Worst of all was everyone teasing him about her. <em>Did they hook up? </em>Only he and Steve knew she preferred women. Her secret had slipped out one night they’d kidnapped her after a tough case. Steve had whisked her back to his place. Like his giant marshmallow heart did with all the broken toys. He cooked her a steak and Danny had supplied the Longboards.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve did things like that. He took care of people. That’s why Danny got on elevators. Why he pushed himself to be better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This particular elevator was taking forever. Danny tapped his foot. He massaged his wrist and kept his breathing even. He tried not to watch the floor numbers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was almost there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny wore a bright orange visitor pass. It was after hours, so he had a special lanyard to get past the security. Steve was somewhere behind thick metal doors. A locked ward. Of course, this was Jersey. A big city. Hard knocks. A place still living in the shadow of 9/11. This wasn’t paradise with nonstop sunshine and beautiful beaches.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But none of this made sense. His best friend was unconscious in New Jersey. Beaten senseless outside a bar near Danny’s alma mater. <em>How did that happen?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny got the urge to help. He understood. He’d have done the same thing, if he’d seen the girl in trouble. <em>But when did it stop?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stepped off the elevator and onto terra firma. Or mostly. He’d never forget being buried under that building. He stilled had nightmares. A thousand different scenarios where he and Steve didn’t make it outta that maze of twisted rebar and concrete. Danny placed his hand on his side. Another scar hidden under his shirt. His body was covered with them. A map of his life. His eyes pinched with tears. Some days he felt like he was coming apart at the seams. He wondered how far it went before he’d have a full-blown breakdown. It happened to cops, and it didn’t always end well. That wasn’t the life he wanted for himself or Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to focus on happy memories. Like Steve playing the guitar he’d bought him. A private concert. Just Steve, Danny and the rolling ocean. Spur of the moment. To calm Danny’s nerves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were best friends. To call them brothers was cliched. Danny loved Steve. He still got what anyone else would call butterflies when he saw Steve sometimes. The oddest moments. Like when they were gearing up and Steve had that GI Joe look. All stern and deadly. Danny shivered. There were also other times, too. Every so often he’d catch Steve singing in the shower. Danny could lose count of all the things he loved about his partner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That’s why it hurt so much when he left. When he said he’d only stayed because of his dad’s case. After all those years. Danny wanted to believe it was just a slip. Steve really didn’t mean it. Or he was covering for stronger, deeper feelings. Things he didn’t want to face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny stopped and watched a medical cart glide across the floor. It opened the heavy door, and he followed it. He was both amused and appalled at the security breach. If you made it to this unit – and it wasn’t difficult – you could get into the locked ward with no problem. He needed to mention it to someone later. You never turned off being a cop.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room was private. Lights dimmed to a soft yellowish white. Danny relaxed a little when he noticed there were no interventions besides an IV. Monitors told him Steve was sleeping. Danny didn’t know if his best friend had woken up yet. His chest twisted, and he placed a hand over his heart. He’d snuck into the room without visiting the nurse’s station as he’d promised the downstairs clerk he would. He needed to know. Had to see Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, he thought about the urgency. Why he’d come running this time. It was the same, yet different. Danny would always go to Steve. The reasons he hadn’t followed Steve on his quest for peace were his kids and Steve hadn’t offered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That part stung a little. His pessimistic side reminded him that Steve deserved better than him. Which was total crap though. He chased away the negative bullshit. Steve left because he was running. His own pain and guilt had driven him from Danny and the team.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Danny whispered as he took in the man before him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve looked older. He was struck by the thought. <em>When did that happen? When did reality catch up to Steven J. McGarrett?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny knew it had caught up to him, too. His body was done. He’d probably need knee surgery before the year was over. The way his hip felt scared him. He flexed his hand and wondered if he’d ever fire a weapon again. Recovery never used to be this mountain to climb. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve was not coming back easily either. Danny had researched Post Concussion Syndrome after Grace’s accident when her headaches didn’t go away. He wondered about his own brain. And Steve’s. And now the big lug went and got stomped. This was not peace. This was life on life’s terms. Again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We have to stop meeting like this, babe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny fought the urge to brush a strand of hair from Steve’s eyes. His hair had grown longer than Danny’d ever seen it. That fact choked him up more than anything. Which was all kinds of wrong. <em>Why was an injured Steve almost normal? </em>The crush of emotion was intense. It took his breath away. Danny stood there for a few seconds, holding Steve’s hand and watching his stats on the monitor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sir, may I help you?” A young woman asked. She stood in the hallway, just outside the room. “My name’s Kathy. I’m Steve’s nurse tonight. Are you Danny Williams?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, that’s me. Sorry I didn’t check in first.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s alright. Jim downstairs told me you were on your way up. I know you’ve come a long way to see your friend.” She said, a smile lit up her face. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Has he –“ Danny couldn’t finish the question.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Woken up?” She finished for him, and then answered, “Yes and no. He opened his eyes and responded to his name, but only for a few minutes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nodding, Danny braced himself against the wall. Hand over his mouth, he blinked against the tingle of more tears. He could not break down. Not yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kathy continued talking as she entered the room, which gave him a few seconds to organize his thoughts. “Steve – your friend – he’s been through a lot. Rest is what he needs most.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A bit frantic with the worry that he was about to be kicked out, Danny replied, “If I could, please, I’d like to stay. I promise you won’t know I’m here. I’ll stay outta the way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny knew he sounded desperate. He felt desperate. He was exhausted and losing his grip on politeness. Seeing Steve had actually given him a burst of adrenaline. His best friend was alive, maybe a little worse for wear, but not something they hadn’t dealt with before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, Detective Williams. Don’t worry, you’re fine. I’ll get you a better chair.” She paused mid stride and turned to face him. “How about I get you a recliner? I think there’s one available on this floor. That way, you can get some rest, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wanted to give her a big, giant hug, but he refrained from doing so. Lord knows he smelled. “Sounds good, thank you so much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she was gone, he deflated. Tears blinded him. This was too much. He’d spent the last 12 hours creating nightmares in his head, and in the end, it all felt so familiar. A routine from hell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny wanted things to be different. For this to be a blip on their radar. <em>Their radar.</em> He always thought of himself with Steve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If he wanted an actual life with Steve, things would have to change. There would be no judgment. No guilt trips. Just relief and gratitude.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because Danny didn’t know how this would end. He could imagine several scenarios, each tainted with his negative streak. It was too ingrained to shake completely, though Steve had helped him with his mindset. If he couldn’t be positive, he could be logical. Name the possible outcomes, scary and not so scary. Be honest. <em>Prepare but don’t despair.</em> Steve had joked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny looked at his best friend now, and he fought a despair so crushing he wanted to sink into the floor. No matter how many times they’d been injured, it always hurt. Only these wounds couldn’t be seen. Every bruise and broken bone and torn muscle chipped away at his sanity. <em>How could you be human and live with this stuff?</em> Again and again. Over the years, Danny’d seen many horrible things. He’d been witness and victim. Many nights, he’d sworn he’d lost his faith.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve opened his eyes, and Danny believed in God again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Missed you.” Steve murmurred. Voice all raspy in his dry throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny squeezed Steve’s hand. “Missed you, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A long sigh and Steve’s eyes drifted closed, but the smile remained on his face. Danny melted into his hands, covering his red and itchy eyes. His body shook with relief and exhaustion. He could barely stand. He didn’t flinch when a hesitant, warm hand squeezed his shoulder and then slid away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The nurse had returned, delivering the chair and checking Steve with a gentleness that made Danny’s eyes water.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you, Kathy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re welcome, Danny. Let me know if you need anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny adjusted the recliner so he could hold Steve’s hand. For now, he didn’t relax.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sleep, Steve. I’ll be here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Against his will, Danny fell asleep. He’d been on his feet for almost a day straight. He woke to what he first thought was an angel. He smiled at Steve’s night nurse. She was magic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s been having nightmares since he came in. Glad you’re here. You seem to calm him.” Kathy said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny nodded. Bad dreams weren’t a surprise. His mind avoided the part about his presence. “He’s been through a lot. He was supposed to be on vacation.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He said your name once.” Her voice was soft, almost too quiet to hear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny took Steve’s hand again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s difficult to see him like this.” She checked Steve’s IV and monitors with a touch Danny appreciated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not my first time,” Danny replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I saw his scar. Liver transplant?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right. How-“ Danny touched his belly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He has a medic alert bracelet. It’s with his personal effects.” Kathy motioned across the room to a small closet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I got that for him.” Danny stuttered. He was shocked Steve wore it. He’d never seen it on his best friend. It had vanished after Danny’d given it to him. He figured it had been stuffed in the back of a drawer somewhere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You were the donor?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Caught by surprise, his eyes watered, but no tears came; there weren’t any to spare. He touched his belly. A soft yes was all he could manage in reply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re a good friend.” She squeezed his shoulder and handed him a bag. “Here’s a blanket. Gets chilly in here at night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny dabbed his face, chasing a headache. He pressed the bag to his chest and it crinkled. He answered with a smile, “Thank you.”                                                                                                                                 </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re welcome. Try to get some sleep.” The nurse disappeared into the hall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny spread the blanket over his legs and stared at Steve til his vision blurred, and he closed his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Am I dreaming?” Steve asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Catching his breath, Danny smiled and chewed on the inside of his bottom lip. He covered Steve’s hand with his own. After a hitched breath, he answered. “I’m here. Not dreaming.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve flashed a smile. “Woulda been a nice dream.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Real life is better, babe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea?” Steve flipped his hand palm up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny intertwined their fingers. “Yea.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve closed his eyes, giving Danny a few chuckles as he drifted. Little puffs of a laugh. Like he was caught between sleep and reality.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m here.” Danny repeated. “I’m not going anywhere.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both slept.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two nurses, Pam and Kathy, watched the bank of monitors. The floor was quiet, but neither dared mention it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pam laughed and said, “And just like that, his stats evened out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“His friend’s here. Short, blonde, kinda stocky. Built too. His name’s Danny. Wait, here he comes.” Kathy replied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both smoothed their uniforms and sat a little straighter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good evening,” Danny smiled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good evening, sir,” Pam answered first.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How’s the chair?” Kathy asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s great. Thank you,” Danny answered, “I napped for a bit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kathy nodded, pleased. “That’s great. Need anything else?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hands in his pockets, he looked at the floor for a second before asking, “Where’s the best coffee around here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pam tilted her cup and eyed the contents. “Not this stuff.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She kept her head down and focused on the screens in front of her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s a coffee cart down in the lobby,” Kathy said, “They’re open all night.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks,” Danny smiled. He stopped as he turned to leave. “Can I get you two anything?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kathy returned his smile. “No, but thank you. My shift will be over soon. No more caffeine for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“None for me either, thanks,” Pam waved him away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alright then. Thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They watched him disappear at the end of the hall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eyebrow raised, Pam studied her colleague. “Well, that was interesting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Kathy frowned, pretending to look stern, like she knew what was coming.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve got the hots for that guy. That’s what.” Pam popped some gum into her mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, he’s taken.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How would you know?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve McGarrett.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“His friend. The guy in room 12?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, they’re more than friends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wanna bet?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, what’s the wager?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Coffee cart all week. Throw in a muffin or two?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll take that action.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pam and Kathy laughed and went back to their work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Half an hour later, Danny stepped off the elevator, coffee carrier in one hand and a bag of muffins in another. He always doted on the nurses who took care of friends and family. Exhausted, but properly caffeinated, he felt lighter. Step one had been tackled. He’d seen Steve. Step two was figuring out what lay ahead. Get a diagnosis. Something solid to ground Danny in reality. He needed something to work with, so he could make a plan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wish granted, he spotted a man who looked like a doctor he’d seen on a plaque in the lobby, just letting himself into the ward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny took a chance. “Hey doc. Can I borrow you for a minute?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure sir.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hi, I’m Danny Williams.” Danny said as he offered his hand. “I’m here with Steve McGarrett.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh yes, we were expecting you. You came all the way from Honolulu?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s right.” Danny didn’t add that he was actually from New Jersey like he used to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The doctor juggled a travel mug and a tablet computer and asked, “What can I do for you? I bet you have questions.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I, uh, I was wondering if I could get a look at my friend’s chart? Or maybe you could give me a rundown?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s a bit unusual, but I did see your name in your partner’s medical information. His physician’s number was on his alert bracelet. Very helpful.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny flashed him a smile. The bracelet. He still couldn’t believe the giant goof had worn it. He was so choked up he couldn’t speak.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“Well, I guess I’ll jump right in,” the doctor said as he tapped the tablet screen. “He was struck on the head in two places. He’s been aware but sluggish.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny nodded, half holding his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Besides multiple minor contusions and lacerations, he’s got two fractured ribs, a blowout fracture to his left orbital bone. Doesn’t look like he’ll need surgery. His right kidney is also bruised.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So don’t be alarmed if he pisses blood?” Danny interjected. Kidney bruising was sadly not an unfamiliar thing for them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, but keep an eye on it. We’ll monitor output while he’s here, of course.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How’s his liver?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The physician checked the chart on his tablet. “His liver’s fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Any signs of radiation poisoning?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A quizzical eyebrow raise made Danny clarify.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was exposed to a dirty bomb a few years ago. He’s only recently stopped taking his meds.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another check of the chart. “All of his bloodwork is normal. I’m sure his primary physician has given him the long-term statistics, but for now, all things considered, he should recover.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Closing his eyes, Danny almost doubled over with a sigh. Steve would recover.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You okay, sir?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I’m good. Thankful.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve is lucky. An assault like this doesn’t always end so well.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny chuckled. “You don’t even know…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Long flight. I’m fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The doctor put his hands on his hips. He was taking no shit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You got me,” Danny sighed and added, “I was hit by a car a few weeks ago.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hit by a car?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Chasing a suspect. I’m a cop.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, it seems like you’re both quite lucky then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shaking his head, Danny replied, “You could say that, doc.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But you’re okay? I see you favoring your left side. Have you had knee surgery?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Almost.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Almost?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Growing weary of the interrogation, Danny answered, “Look, I’m fine. I had a physical not long before I flew here. I was cleared for desk duty.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s what I like to hear. Take care of your health. So many tough guys like you ignore it,” The doctor checked his watch. “I’ve got rounds in a few minutes. If you have more questions, Mr. Williams, please let me know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, doc, I will.” Danny shook the guy’s hand again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stood in the doorway of Steve’s room, feeling like he was on the edge of disaster. He knew Steve would be fine. That wasn’t in question. His worry involved something less tangible. Their changing relationship scared the hell out of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Danny was going to be brave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m not sure what to say except thank you, as always, for reading. My plan for this story seems to be working out. There should be 25 chapters once I piece everything together. I’m really glad you’re here.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to everyone for reading. I split this chapter into two parts. Seems it grew legs. I've been told you might need a tissue.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Steve awoke to a buzzsaw in his ears and distorted vision. His sharp intake of breath at the wave of nausea and pain made something shift in his peripheral. Heart racing, he gripped the soft sheets and reminded himself to breathe. He was safe. The blur beside the bed was his best friend. That much he knew for sure. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey sleepyhead.” Danny replied and ran a hand through his hair, roughing it up a bit. Steve liked that. Made him feel lighter until he remembered he didn’t remember. Confusion was a bitch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What –“ Steve stopped and exhaled. He thought he might puke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“-happened?” Danny finished Steve’s thought and then added, “You don’t remember?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Searching his mind made the ringing in his head louder. Steve squinted and fought to piece together his memories. This feeling of not knowing left him so helpless and out of control. He cleared his throat and was given a cup of water without even asking. Eyes welling up with tears made his headache worse but he couldn’t stop the rush of feeling. Danny was there for him. The least he could do was try to recall what happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I went for a drink,“ Steve replied. He frowned and reached to rub his eyes but the IV tugged so he used his other hand, pulling it free from Danny’s grip. Clearly exhausted from the effort and surprised by the new flare of pain, he swore. “Fuck, my eye.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You took some pretty good hits.” Danny reached out. “Stop touching your face.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wincing, Steve investigated the damage with hesitant fingertips, ignoring Danny’s scolding.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, be careful. Cool out for a minute. Don’t –“ Danny caught himself and lowered his voice. “You must feel like shit, babe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You look like shit.” Steve tucked his hand under the sheet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Funny,” Danny answered, reaching under the bedding and grabbing Steve’s hand again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you holding my hand?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I hate you. Why do you think?” His answer was quick, exasperated. He wasn’t playing games.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve looked away. They were quiet for a few beats, and then Danny said. “Don’t want to let you go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another awkward silence followed. They stared at one another. Their eyes flashing a myriad of emotions. Steve knew he couldn’t open the gates. He was afraid of what might come out. Until Danny smiled and started talking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You had to go and play hero, huh? A bunch of guys jumped a girl in an alley. One of them got the drop on you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t remember.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We established that, but I’m not surprised. You’ve been out of it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve’s heart rate sped up. “How long?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Accepting Danny wasn’t divulging that information, Steve switched gears. There was something more important than his own loss of time. “The girl? She alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s the one who called 911. I’m told she’s fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good. Glad she’s okay.” Steve exhaled, eyes fluttering. <em>God, he was exhausted.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re gonna be okay, too.” Danny squeezed Steve’s hand. “We both are.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“I hate to interrupt, but Mr. McGarrett has a date with radiology.” A young man dressed in pale blue scrubs pushed a wheelchair into the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny wrinkled his nose and replied, “Isn’t it kinda early for that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Full schedule today.” The tech shrugged and tapped the wheelchair. “Anyway, I do what I’m told. My job is to shuttle you from here to there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Steve sat up straight, tough exterior fooling no one. “You heard the guy. I’ve got a date with radiology.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why don’t you get something to eat, sir? I’ll take good care of your - ” The guy stopped and looked at both of them for a few seconds. “I’ll take good care of your partner here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And get a shower, buddy,” Steve added, “You stink.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>/././</strong>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>A light knock woke Danny. He hadn’t really been sleeping. Maybe light doze was a better word. Unlike Steve, who was out again. The trip downstairs for tests had exhausted him. He reminded Danny of a dish cloth you wrung out one too many times. Except this dish cloth was a grumpy ex Navy SEAL. While he was assured this was normal, the attitude shift concerned Danny.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked up to see a young man in a sports coat watching him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Detective Williams?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s me.” Danny stood and stretched.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m Detective Richards.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah I see you’d rather meet in person. I left two messages.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I find voice mail rather annoying. A means to an end. And I was in the neighborhood.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Still trying to get a statement, huh?” Danny replied. He’d been warned by the nurses about an eager cop poking around for answers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea.” The young man looked at his shoes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny pushed away from the bed, careful with his movements. He kept his voice low when he said, “Let’s take this outside.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I – “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny put his hand on the detective’s shoulder and nudged him toward the door. “Outside.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Perfect timing,” A nurse walked into the room, presence commanding both of them. “You two fine gentlemen can vacate for a few minutes while I check my patient’s vitals. I’ll send someone for you, Danny.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He smiled. Everyone knew his name. A part of him really hated ever being on a first name basis with hospital staff anywhere. But he’d take it if the familiarity gave him access and invisibility. He pushed the detective out of the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let’s go. Listen to the lady.” He told the kid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They walked down the hall and through the ward door. The atrium beyond the bank of elevators was sunlit and cheery. Too bright. Danny found an alcove shaded by a large tropical plant and sat down. The artificial world created in that curated space was unsettling and tried too hard to make things seem okay. Generally if you were in a hospital, things weren’t okay. Unless someone was having a baby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What can I do for you, Detective Richards?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right. I need a statement from your partner.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As you could see, he’s sleeping. I’d like to keep it that way for now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know how memories degrade.” Detective Richards said, adding a quiet sir at the end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shaking his head, Danny fought the urge to roll his eyes. This guy had maybe ten years on his daughter. He remembered being a brand-new detective – young and dumb with too many things to prove. “I’m well aware. I’m told there were two witnesses. Have you spoken to them? My partner may not be able to help you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I was informed of the severity of his injuries.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then why the push?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The perps are contradicting the statements of the bar owner and his employee.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you’re surprised?” Danny laughed and added, “And perp? You watch too much TV.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Detective Richards shrugged and pulled out a notebook, jotting something down. “I suppose talking to your friend can wait. The video makes this an open and shut case honestly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait. There’s a video?” Danny looked at the cop in disbelief. He didn’t want to see it. <em>Yet he did.</em> And he was pissed at this unnecessary intrusion. “If there’s a video, then why do you need a statement?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, there’s a video. Bar owner put up a camera two weeks ago. Someone was dumping trash in his bin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bin?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, you know, the dumpster.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, but –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wife’s British.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny just about choked on the déjà vu.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you wanna see it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The dumpster?” Danny pressed on his temple. A doozy of a headache approached.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cop noticed Danny’s drifting focus and his reply was a little sharp. “No, the video.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh yea.” Danny straightened. A little embarrassed by his slight fluster. “The video. Yes, I’d like to see it. Thanks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Give me an email. I’ll send it to you.” Detective Ricahrds said as he handed Danny his cell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>So I can watch it a million times.</em> Danny shoved the thought out of his mind even though he knew that’s what he’d do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great.” Danny took the offered phone and typed his email address. “Thanks again for your help.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They shook hands. Danny turned to leave, but the young cop stopped him. “Do you wanna meet her? The girl your partner saved?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Meet her?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Her name is Joanna Adams. She should be here somewhere.” The guy looked around the waiting area. “I’m surprised she’s not here now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s been here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea, they wouldn’t let her see your friend, but she wanted to make sure he wasn’t alone. Guess she figured she owes him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny had to look away. “Yea, he does that. Makes you care.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cop nodded, a bit uncomfortable by the emotional turn. He cleared his throat and repeated his earlier promise. “I’ll send you the video. Let me know if you have questions. I – uh – I hope your friend’s okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, me too.” Danny shook the cop’s hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t mention it, Detective Williams. Just doing my job.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/././</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the girl walked into the waiting area, Danny rubbed his eyes, sure they were playing tricks on him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She caught him looking and smiled before hiding behind a magazine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grace. She reminded him of Grace. His old partner, not his daughter. Once he got over his shock, he searched his mind. He knew she’d never had kids. Hadn’t gotten the chance. Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. They’d both been stupid and young. What happened to Grace Tilwell was not his fault. He blamed himself anyway. It was his penance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mr. Williams?” The tech from earlier materialized in front of him. Danny really needed to get the guy’s name.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny frowned at the interruption. He hadn’t seen the young man approach, clearly off his game.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can see your friend now. His nurse is through with her checks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks.” Danny tucked the sports section he’d taken from a discarded paper under his arm, pausing. “Can you give me a minute?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure. Take your time. He’s sleeping again. Morning rounds took a lot out of him,” he answered before turning to leave, “You still have your security pass, right?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yea,” Danny tapped his pocket.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the tech left, Danny noticed the girl watching him. Something told him, this was no random woman waiting for a loved one. He followed his gut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you Joanna?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jo.” She gave him a quick smile. She couldn’t have been more than twenty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny’s mind went blank, and all he babbled. “You saved my partner.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shaking her head, she corrected him. “No, he saved me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her words struck his heart. That’s what Steve did. No matter where he went.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He saved people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thank you for being there. For him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Joanna looked away. She organized the stack of magazines in front of her and checked her phone for the time. “I’ve gotta go. Work. Thank him for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, you could come back later. If you want?” Danny said. He felt like an ass for making her uncomfortable. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No apologies. That’s one of my rules.” She caught his eyes. “He’s okay? Your friend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steve. His name is Steve. And yea, he’s okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sighing she nodded and said, “I was so worried. It all happened so fast. If he hadn’t showed up…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sure he’d love to see you. Maybe later?” Danny asked and then realized he hadn’t introduced himself. “Name’s Danny by the way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Danny.” Joanna smiled. “He said your name when – you know – before the ambulance came.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t know what to say except to repeat himself. “You sure you don’t want to see him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nah, he’s in good hands now.” She brushed his arm with such a light touch. “Maybe you can stop by the bar later? Give me an update?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny found himself agreeing. He didn’t even know where the bar was. “Sure, yea. I can do that. Take care.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As the elevator doors closed, it hit him. Her name was Joanna, and she looked like his partner, Grace. Years of loss engulfed him. <em>So what did he decide to do?</em> Being the masochist that he was, he shook it off and took a big gulp of his coffee, scalding his throat. Then he checked his email, hoping the video would be there. It was. The eager young cop was true to his word.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny leaned against the wall opposite the elevators and hit play. The world stopped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He watched his best friend, roaring like a monster. He’d seen this version of Steve before, and he knew to fear him. Battle Steve took no shit. If he’d had a gun, the idiots would be dead. But this Steve had also lost a step. You might not notice if you didn’t know him like Danny did. A younger Steve wouldn’t have allowed the creeps to get the drop on him and turn the tables. Thank God the barmaid came back with a gun, or Steve would be dead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hitting replay, he studied the video this time. It was less jarring but still broke his heart. What he saw scared him. Steve was off his game. His reactions were slow. Something about his movements weren’t fluid. Compared to the average person, he was still a super hero, but the man he watched was not the Super SEAL Ninja he knew and loved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In their line of work, mistakes got you killed. Not to mention, there was often collateral damage, too. Civilians. Other law enforcement. Members of your team.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You could be a regular cop for a few years past your prime, especially as a detective. But not with Five-O. The job was demanding and dangerous.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny flexed his hands and sighed. He wasn’t 100%. Looking at Steve, he knew his best friend wasn’t either. After a year dogging you like this one had, there’s no way you weren’t affected. You could lie for only so long.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That’s why Steve left. He was done lying. And instinct almost got him killed in an alley in East Orange, New Jersey. Of all the places on the planet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Danny exited the app and wished he hadn’t opened the video.</p>
<p>/././</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>